


when the wolf comes home

by bIoodbunny



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Angst, Background Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Emetophobia, Family Drama, Gen, LGBTQ Cats (Warriors), Minor Canonical Character(s), Post-Canon, References to the Mountain Goats, RiverClan (Warriors), ShadowClan (Warriors), SkyClan (Warriors), sooo much angst... these characters blood is made of it, squirrelflight (star) tigerstar and leafstar (as a starclan cat) are there so ya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 73,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26384053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bIoodbunny/pseuds/bIoodbunny
Summary: Four, same to you yet different, holding unstable power. One hearing unspeakable words, drenched in the stars. The other, weak to them yet with the strength of lions. The next, a luscious voice, understood by few. And – remember – even blind eyes can see.skyclan has been delivered a prophecy that foretells the birth of four kits that hold the power that will guide them to a new era of not just peace - but prosperity with the clans that they had once been driven out from. but antstar learns that this will have consequences as well - old and new tensions burn and a family's trust will be pushed to its limits.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 1





	1. our mother has been absent since we founded Rome

_Four, same to you yet different, holding unstable power. One hearing unspeakable words, drenched in the stars. The other, weak to them yet with the strength of lions. The next, a luscious voice, understood by few. And – remember – even blind eyes can see._

* * *

The stained-glass windows reflected rainbow-wonderful light on Missy’s comparatively plain cream pelt. Birds cawed and croaked and the howl and plop-plop of the rain provided a percussion to the otherwise silent church. 

She looked down at her little bundles of joy. White, black, and dark ginger lumps of fur. They mewled constantly as she bended down to lick their oversized heads. 

A strange cat, smelling of incense and warm prey had come to her moons ago, baring words that sounded like he was speaking in tongues. The cat had said he had come from a “Skyclan”. Missy thought this meant he was one of the angels whose paintings and statues lined this very church. 

The sounds of the wind and the rain became less far away. A shape which Missy could not make out stood at the doorway like it wanted something. Missy curled closer into her kits, the cold rain making her shiver, even through her thick pelt. 

“Missy?” She recognized that voice instantly. It was the angel (Skyclan) cat. The angel cat stepped closer, and Missy could see his wiry frame was soaked to the bone, making him look almost emaciated. 

“The kits have come, correct?” The water-logged cat peered in closer to the kits; Missy tucked the kits under her belly with her forepaw, subconsciously wanted to keep them warm and safe. The angel cat gingerly sniffed the kits. Missy’s instincts kicked in. 

“What do you want?” She didn’t mean to, but her tone was twinged with venom. The angel cat stepped back, but with no alarm on his face. He clearly had to deal with many first mothers. 

The angel cat took pause, contemplating his words. His face was scrunched up, trying not to let Missy know the bombshell he was going to drop. His eyes drifted to the kits again, then to Missy. 

_Was she hiding something?_

The angel cat cleared his throat, Missy’s eyes boring into him. Go on, I’m waiting. 

“Do you remember what I said about – what Starclan told me?” Missy remembered that word, “Starclan”. The higher power that the angel cat worshiped, as she could guess by the reverence in his voice when he spoke about them. 

Missy didn’t lie. “Not really, no.” 

The angel cat looked offended for a second, then nodded in an almost sage-like way. He became a lot less sage-like when he caught the reality of what he had to tell the mother. 

I’m taking her kits away, His inner conscience nagged, that’s one of the worst things a cat can do. 

“I-” He choked. Looked at the kits again. “I have to take them away - to Skyclan.” 

What the angel cat feared was shown plainly on Missy’s face – shock, sadness, anger. 

“Why?” She hissed, her breath hot on the angel cat’s cold and wet as a fish fur. 

“I’m just following what Starclan told me.” The angel cat let out a heavy sigh that was rasped, he shivered (from the cold or this, he didn’t really know). 

Missy was too tired from feeding and messing over her kits to argue much longer. She moved back an inch, not wanted to completely leave her kit’s oh-so-precious mewling and warm bodies. The angel cat held his head in silent gratitude. 

“What are their names, if I may ask?” The angel cat’s eyes gained a newfound shine. 

Missy was silent for a long time. Impatience prickled at the angel cat, making his whiskers twitch. 

“The black one is Angel,” Missy pointed with a shaking paw to the pitifully small coal-blank lump on the floor. She must be the runt, the angel cat guessed. 

“This one here is Liza,” The oversized kit with a pelt that reminded the angel cat of alder was pouncing on Angel with small, harmless paws. Angel didn’t seem to notice a thing. 

“Feisty already, I see.” The angel cat joked, lightheartedness penetrating the tense and melancholic air. He could hear Missy laugh lowly, a smile ever so slightly forming on her lips. 

“And here’s Christie.” The snow-white kit was still clinging to her mother. Angel cat’s heart twinged with a cocktail of emotions. He gulped. 

“Well,” The angel cat figured he should just get this over with before this got even harder than it already was. “I have to go, now.” 

Missy got suddenly loud. “Wait - before you go,” The angel cat had already stuffed the three kits into his jaw. He didn’t look back. 

“Never mind.” Missy’s voice was low. The angel cat was already out of the church and at the start of his journey home. 

He was glad the rain had let up a bit. He tightened his grip on the mewling, thrashing kits with an attitude of “let’s get this over with”. 

Missy shuffled her weight, ignoring the heartbreak tying a knot in her stomach. 

_Take care, my little angels._

Missy ignored the pain in her leg too as something nipped at her.

* * *

_Oh no, oh no._

_Her face- she doesn’t even have one. Her eye is staring up at me – oh no please stop staring at me. This kit shouldn’t have survived._

_Her breathing’s all wrong. It sounds like she’s being suffocated._

Missy stared at what could only be called a curse. It let out a gurled, rasping mew, as if it was pleading, “Mama, help me”. 

_I can’t help you._

It mewled again, sounding even more like death. 

_Stop._

The curse looked up at her with one glassy blue eye. 

_Stop that._

It tried crawling close to her, wanting its mother so badly. 

_Stop that now._

Missy heard the clack-sloshing of leather shoes against the soaked wooden floors. She knew what she had to do. 

With heavy movements and a heavy heart, she dragged herself away from the kit. She winced as she saw it struggle with its tiny little legs to crawl to her. 

_Please, it’s better this way._

The human who belonged to those leather shoes knelt down at what he must’ve thought was a mouse at first. It chattered in a hushed voice that Missy didn’t understand. 

Missy stopped herself from rescuing her lost cause as the human scooped up the kit in its big hands, and slipped out of the church. 

The slamming of the wooden doors reverberated. The glass windows were no longer shining their miniature rainbows on Missy.

* * *

“God. Look at its face.” Harry – a preacher who often tended to the cats who took refuge in the slowly-being-abandoned church – cupped his hands, showing his buddy the sad-looking kitten. He sniffed. 

“Is it even alive?” His buddy looked down at the kitten the way one would look at a dead rat – he wasn’t much of a cat person. 

“I think so – but not for long.” Harry shook his head. “I knew Missy was hiding something.” He muttered under his breath – Missy was always his favorite. 

His buddy took the kitten from his cupped hands. 

“What’re you doing with it?” Harry’s buddy just nodded. He understood what that meant. “Well,” Harry unbuttoned his waterlogged jacket, setting it on the coat hanger. “Get back soon.” 

His buddy was already out the door. Harry snorted (his buddy wasn’t exactly the most conversational guy, either), settling down into the old rocking chair. He ran his fingers through his brown hair, which was as equally soaked through as his jacket. 

He planned on drafting the preamble for his seminar later. He crooked his neck around the corner, spotting Missy’s cream fur. He patted his lap with his palm. 

“C’mon.” Missy took his offer. She purred as he ran his palm along her back – her favorite spot. “Sorry.” He cooed. 

Missy wished she could understand humans at this moment.

* * *

The car’s door ajar alarm was the only sound beside the rushing water as Jack carried the burlap bag, which was trembling slightly in his hand. He was surprising this kitten was this much of a fighter. 

His eyes were drawn to the river. It was a lot livelier than it usually was today. He looked at the bag in his hand. It had stopped trembling, he noticed. 

“I wouldn’t want to be you.” He sighed, tying the knot on the burlap tighter. It shivered, as if responding to him. 

Jack hesitated, thinking of what Harry would say to this. “This is a bit cruel, isn’t it Jack.” His high-pitched voice rang in his ears. 

Jack shook his head. He had to do this. 

He looked away, tossing the bag in the air. He swore he could hear a cry as he heard the water splash as the bag sunk. 

He hopped into his car and didn’t look back. He wouldn’t tell Harry what happened, on God.

* * *

The evening sun was setting as Malachi boarded the train, not far from Twolegplace. He placed the kits down for the first time since he had taken them. He spat out some kitten fur that had lodged their way onto his tongue. 

_Bleh!_

“We’re almost there.” Malachi careened his neck out the train car, feeling the sun warm his face. He was still a little wet from the morning before. He shook off his pelt, stretching his hind legs. 

He looked back at the two kits. They just sat there, looking at him strangely. Malachi realized. They probably were upset because they weren’t with their mother. 

“Hey,” Malachi pressed his nose to each the kittens head, one by one. “It’s gonna be okay.” The ruddy one _growled_ at him. 

_I can tell she’s going to be a handful_. Malachi licked her behind the ears, her kitten fuzz all soft and smelling still of milk. Not at all like his rough, herb-stinking pelt. 

Angel turned her head, staring blankly at the wall of the train car behind her. Malachi let himself laugh. _Maybe she saw Starclan_ , he joked to himself. 

Christie was looking up at Malachi, he thought, but he noticed something off about her eyes. 

It was like she was looking at something far off, her eyes not completely focused. Malachi swallowed a knot in his throat. 

_No, no... she couldn’t be blind. No._

Malachi breathed a shaky sigh of relief when Christie looked away from him; a fly had gotten into the train car and was buzzing about Christie’s head. Christie tried to bite it, snapping her teeth. 

As they whizzed past the densely packed pine forest that housed Shadowclan’s camp, Malachi could see the gorge in the distance, the sun just disappearing over the edge of the camp. 

Malachi scooped up the three kits (who were protesting wildly) in his mouth once again, leaping off the train car - 

_Whoops. Bad idea._

And crashed onto the sandy earth, rolling into a bush that pricked his fur with thorns. Malachi’s stomach jumped up to his heart when he realized he must’ve let go of Liza when they had jumped off, sending her flying into the air- 

_Oh, Starclan!_

Malachi sprinted to a dark ginger lump that had landed near the abandoned twoleg nest, ignoring the stinging pain of the thorns caught in his flank, holding tight onto the other two kits. 

Malachi gingerly sniffed Liza, putting his ear to her chest to hear her breathing. Malachi almost dropped Christie and Angel when Liza got up to her feet, shaking herself off as if she hadn’t been thrown two feet into the air. 

Malachi gave pause when he smelled (he didn’t know how he could still smell with the two kits right under his nose) the familiar earth-and-bindweed of Skyclan. 

“There you are, Malachi!” It was Maria. The cream-and-white molly bounded over to Malachi like she was starting to get irritated he had been gone so long (Malachi couldn’t blame her). She paused, eyes scanning the kits. 

“Are those the kits?” Maria squeaked uncharacteristically when Liza jumped onto her back, followed by Christie and Angel, who were nipping at her heels. 

She looks a lot like Missy, Malachi guessed. 

Malachi gave Maria a look that told her, “We can talk later.” He whispered to Liza, “Let’s go with mother.”

* * *

_“We’re bringing one out!”_ A grey-blue tom hollered, his legs and torso almost drowned in the rushing, muddy water. A thrashing shape in a burlap sack hung loose in his jaws, bobbing powerlessly against the current. 

Another tom held his tail high in alert, signaling to a mottled black-and-brown molly to his left. “Stay here.” 

“Why?” The molly pouted, tail twitching. 

“It’s not safe. You’ll end up like,” The tom pointed to the burlap sack with his nose, which was still struggling with the cat trying to help it, “whatever that is.” 

Another cat was wading into the water, trying to get close to the tom to help, but it ended up getting pulled against the bank, fur becoming caked in mud. “We need help! Get Minnowstar!” The cat hacked out a mouthful of water. 

“Who would do this?” A younger-looking tom who was standing by the edge of the bank, gripping onto the cat who was swept up by the current with his forepaws. Through coughs, the cat responded. 

“Twolegs, probably.” 

“Toadkit!” The mottled brown-and-black molly swung around, seeing Minnowstar come crashing through, his fur standing on end. “You and the other kits, go home!” 

Toadkit opened her mouth to spit out a rebuttal, but turned tail at her leader’s orders. 

The grey-blue tom had finally managed to drag the burlap sack out the river, both of them completely soaked to the bone. Minnowstar rushed to the tom’s side. 

“Is it still alive?” Minnowstar questioned. The burlap sack had suddenly stilled, sinking into the riverbank. 

“I’ll- _uh_ , open it.” The grey-blue tom nicked the bag with his teeth, creating a small cut. Rasping breaths could be faintly heard. The cats breathed a sigh of relief. 

“That’s a good sign,” Minnowstar started, “Open the bag, Pikejaw, we need to make sure it is a cat.” 

Pikejaw ripped the bag open from where he had created the hole. 

The cats crowded around the riverbank gave a collective gasp of shock. It was a kit, no older than a couple of weeks old, with another sack wrapped tightly around its head. 

Whatever twoleg did this – they wanted to make sure this kit would _die_. 

Minnowstar held his head, looking like it might fall off any second. He turned around, noticing a tortoiseshell molly creep up beside him. 

“I’ll take them to the medicine den. They need to get this bag off of their head before they suffocate.” She gingerly picked up the kit in her jaws, who held limp like a sack of rocks. 

Pikejaw nodded, heading towards Toadkit. 

“C’mon, you need to get home.” Pikejaw let out a small chuckle. “Little apprentice.” Toadkit cuffed her father’s leg with her paw. 

“You’re a hero!” She squeaked. Pikejaw just nodded, humoring her as he made a beeline for Riverclan camp.

* * *

Maria let out a breath. 

“So these are the kits Starclan told you about?” Her fluffy tail swept over the sleeping bundles. Angel’s nose twitched, but she didn’t wake up. 

Malachi shrugged. “Starclan works in mysterious ways. They might be, they might not be. We’ll just have to wait and see.” Skyclan had never gotten a prophecy before, ever since they travelled to the lake territories all those years ago. There were so many ways they could’ve misinterpreted it. 

Besides, Malachi wasn’t exactly “Mr. Starclan”. He had only been appointed medicine cat a few moons ago. He wasn’t even clanborn. Not one other cat besides his leader had trusted in his prophecy when he had told them. 

“Weren’t there supposed to be four?” Maria was an exception to that, however. 

Four, Malachi somehow hadn’t noticed it before. There were only three kits. Idiot. 

Malachi wracked his head for an excuse. 

“I’ll go talk to Starclan later tonight. I must’ve messed up. I’m sorry.” Malachi blurted out, not looked at Maria. 

“What was it you wanted to talk to me about, again?” Malachi tensed. He turned around slowly to face Maria. 

“There’s - uh- something I need you to do for me.” Malachi thought of Missy again. Hoped she wasn’t missing her kits too much. 

Maria waited for Malachi to finish. Signaled with her tail, “I’m waiting”. 

“You need to take care of these kits.” Maria’s face was distorted with surprise, then softened. She must’ve been thinking the same thing Malachi was. “Besides, they probably don’t even remember their mother when they’re this young, so I’m sure-” 

Maria shushed Malachi with her tail. “I understand.” Malachi stress-laughed. 

“Starclan will thank you.” Malachi’s worries waded a bit. 

“And to you, too.” Maria responded. 

Malachi needed to have a long chat with Starclan at Whispering Cave tonight.

* * *

The luminescent glow of the moss gave Malachi’s journey a very eerie feel as he made his way through the Whispering Cave, cursing under his breath every time the water dripped onto his fur, harkening back to that morning. 

He swore he heard someone whisper in his ear as he padded past the miniature river that flowed through. 

He really didn’t like going to this place. Talking with his ancestors was anxiety-inducing enough, not to mention how much of a dreadful vibe the Whispering Cave gave off in the dead of night like this. 

Still, he pushed through. He had made a mistake and he had to own up to it. 

Finally, he had reached the one dry spot – the place where he would speak with his ancestors. Touching his nose to the bone-chill cold stone, closing his eyes, he thought of one thing: 

_Dear Starclan, please tell me where the fourth is._

Slowly, then all at once, he was asleep. He saw himself on the floor, his spirit disconnected from his body. Suddenly, the scent of rushing water (and a hint of Riverclan) filled his nostrils. 

He opened his eyes (he didn’t realize he was closing them) and he was at the riverbank by camp. He nearly jumped out of his fur when he saw there was something bobbing in the water. 

He rushed to save whatever it was, but was stopped dead in his tracks. _Leafstar!_

Malachi instinctively bowed his head. Leafstar bowed as well. “Hello, Malachi.” Her soothing voice filled Malachi’s ears, making his head buzz. Malachi remembered the thing in the water. 

It seemed Leafstar read his mind. “You’re worried about her, right?” Leafstar pointed her muzzle towards the water. 

Malachi’s stomach churned as he saw blood was turning the water a deep scarlet around the – what appeared to be a burlap sack, he could see clearly now. “It’s dying!” Malachi screeched. 

Leafstar didn’t seem to care for his plight. “Listen, Malachi.” Malachi turned to Leafstar, spitting in her face. “Someone’s dying and you don’t care!” Malachi tried to grasp the sack with his forepaws, but he seemed to just miss it by a hair. 

“You realize this is not reality, right?” Leafstar’s tone was not teasing. Malachi cleared his throat. 

“Leafstar, please listen! I need to know who the fourth is!” Leafstar nodded to the burlap sack again. Malachi was utterly lost. 

“There is another like them,” Leafstar’s voice became filled with an ethereal quality. “ Petty revenge spills blood, and the sky will fall from the heavens.” 

Malachi was speechless. Was she implying that Skyclan would fall again? 

Before he could get a concrete answer out of Leafstar, she disappeared, and Malachi was back to his body again. 

Malachi didn’t look back as he raced out of the Whispering Cave, out to the gorge, and made a beeline to the leader’s den.

* * *

“A-Antstar?” The leader’s den was pitch black, even as the dawn was steadily approaching. “Antstar?” Malachi called out again. 

“Hm. Did you get a new message from Starclan?” Malachi jumped. He had thought Antstar had gone out. Antstar’s hazel eyes flickered in the shadows. 

“Yes,” Malachi shifted his weight onto his paws. “I’m looking to you for help – help with interpreting it, I mean.” Malachi waited for Antstar to get mad at him for not doing his job. 

“Malachi, Malachi, Malachi. You can always come to me for help.” It was like Antstar could pinpoint exactly what Malachi was feeling at any moment. Malachi prickled with embarrassment. 

“Missy only gave birth to three kits, so I went to Whispering Cave to ask Starclan, and Leafstar...” Malachi started. Antpelt’s hazel eyes had a strange intensity to them. “And she told me something like, ‘There’s another one,” and “petty revenge spills blood”.” 

Antstar flicked his ears. “Anything else?” Malachi hesitated. 

“She also told me something about ‘the sky will fall from the heavens’. I guess it could mean that – Starclan won’t talk to us anymore?” Malachi shrank. No leader wants to hear that. 

Antstar was clearly trying to look less disturbed than he was actually feeling, but his wildly twitching whiskers betrayed him. _“Oh.”_

Malachi knew when his leader wanted time alone.

* * *

The hot sun beat down on the cats in the gorge, the floor of camp burning their pads as they walked. 

Malachi was more thankful than ever that his den was located near the river, the cool air and water drifting near his face. Opposite to him, he could see poor Maria being bullied by Liza, Angel, and Christie; they were playing their favorite game of “Ride Mama”, with Angel and Christie trying to get on top of Maria’s back, and Liza was jumping around in front of her face – trying to distract her. 

Wow, Malachi hadn’t really noticed it before (being so busy worrying over the prophecy), but Liza was getting big. She was only about three moons old, but she already looked like she was going on six. 

“Quite the pawful, aren’t they?” Malachi laughed, waving his tail towards the four. 

The laughter stopped as he heard Maria squeal, and saw her jump back in a mixture of surprise and fear. Angel and Christie had run off. 

_“Liza scratched me!”_ Blood trickled down Maria’s cheek and onto the sizzling gorge floor below. It looked like a badger had gotten a hold of her. 

Liza had a look of complete innocence on her face, however, as Malachi rushed to Maria’s side. Maria laughed it off and said she was fine. 

“She didn’t mean it, Malachi.” Maria insisted, pulling Liza closer and smoothing the fur on her head with her forepaw. 

“I know. But – what about the other kits in the nursery? She could hurt them.” Malachi winced when he saw Liza make a pained face when he said that. 

Maria rolled her eyes (always the stubborn one). “If you’re that worried,” Maria pointed her muzzle towards the rockpile, where Antstar was dragging himself onto (looking as hot and miserable as the rest of his clanmates). “Go tell Antstar. I’m sure he’ll understand.” 

Malachi nodded hesitantly.

* * *

“May all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here under the rockpile for a clan meeting!” Antstar panted in between words. 

Malachi and Stagheart (the newly appointed deputy) stood beside Antstar, looking ansty and unsure of what to do with themselves. 

“I have good news for you all,” Antstar started, scanning the anxious looks on his clanmates’ faces. “The good news, first. Starclan has delivered us three kits.” Malachi noted Antstar’s ambiguous wording. 

“These kits, as our faithful medicine cat was told by Starclan, hold unimaginable power.” Malachi shifted his weight on his paws. Are you going to tell them about the fourth we missed or not? 

“I am also planning on discussing with the other clan leaders about Skyclan potentially going to the clan gathering this leaffall.” A tense air buzzed about the cats. Antstar closed his eyes and nodded, as if expecting this response. 

“Oh, but take into consideration the power Starclan has gifted us with this new prophecy!” Antstar boomed, and the cats chirped in agreement. He clearly knew how to rile them up. “We could become as great as we had been years ago! We should grasp this chance to show the other clans how we aren’t what we say we are! Do you agree, my clanmates?” 

While all the other cats yowled and cheered and shouted in hype and a newfound pride, Malachi felt the buzzing in his ears. When are you going to tell them the rest of the prophecy? This wasn’t what we discussed last night. 

Malachi tried to shake these thoughts off. Have some faith in your leader, he convinced himself. Antstar always knew what to do, so why should he not now? 

Antstar took a big breath, and stared right at the three kits huddled around Maria. He tensed when Malachi nipped his shoulder. 

“Remember, we need to move Liza to the apprentice’s den. She’s getting way too big.” Antstar softened. “Of course.” 

“Liza, one of our older kits, is going to be moved to the apprentice’s den early this coming moon.”

* * *

Angel huffed. What made Liza so special that she could go early? She felt cheated. She glanced sideways at her sister, who had a completely dumb look of pride on her face, with venom. 

It seemed Liza had noticed her sister’s gaze, and shot her an equally venomous one back. “Jealous?” _As a matter of fact, I am Liza._

Angel’s ears flattened when Liza hissed at her, unsheathing her (far-too-big for a kitten her size) claws. 

Liza was just about to pounce on Angel when Maria caught herself between the two kits, tail going side-to-side-to-side. “Liza!” Maria hissed, pushing Liza back gingerly with a forepaw. 

“How come she’s so special? Why does she get to become an apprentice?” Angel blurted out through tears. Maria shot her a sympathetic look. 

“It’s because I’m strong! I can defend our clan better than you!” Liza looked up to Antstar for approval, but shrank when she found none. _“Aren’t I?”_ Liza said in a barely audible voice, eyes moving from Antstar to Malachi. 

_“Enough!”_ Maria bristled, shoving Angel and Liza in the direction of the nursery. “End of discussion. Go.” 

_“But-”_ Angel tried to retort, eyes still clouded with big blubbery kitten tears. She walked beside her mother, keeping distant from Liza.

* * *

The sun was setting in the gorge, making some respite from the previous blistering greenleaf heat of the day. Malachi sat outside the leader’s den, waiting for Antstar’s cue to come in after he was done talking to Stagheart. 

Malachi’s fur prickled as Stagheart and his acrid stinking ruddy pelt slinked past him, his burr-sharp voice filling his ears. “Antstar’s ready to talk to you.” 

“Oh, right.” Malachi mumbled, snorting trying to lodge Stagpelt’s overwhelming twolegplace-esque scent from his nostrils as he ducked into the leader’s den. 

Malachi let his feelings get ahold of him. “What was that back there?” Antstar seemed to, like always, see this coming. 

“If I had told them the whole prophecy, the clan would fall into chaos, wouldn’t they?” Malachi cursed his impulsiveness. Of course, he told himself, why didn’t I realize that? 

“I bet you’re wondering if I’m going to tell the three about their prophecy.” Antstar guessed correctly. Antstar turned his head in the direction of the nursery. “When it is time for them to all become apprentices, I will tell them.” 

Malachi bowed, whispered a “Thank you”. Malachi thought about the prophecy again. “But - Why didn’t you tell the clan about them being Missy’s kits, the fourth one?” 

Antstar exhaled. “These kits don’t need to know that.” Malachi thought about if the kits had even forgotten about Missy or not. 

I can only imagine what it would be like to have your worldview turned on its head like that. I only pray that they will be happy here. 

He was torn from his daydreaming when Antstar draped his tail over Malachi’s shoulder in an affectionate gesture. 

_“I trust your sight, Malachi. You will find the fourth in time.”_ It was as if Antstar spoke with the voice of ancients. Malachi’s whiskers shivered.

* * *

Foam frothed from the kits face, breathing wheezing and painful-sounding. Branchstep winced at the delicate-looking pink flesh that suffocated the cat’s face, juxtaposed by a twinkling baby-blue eye that seemed to look straight through her. 

“I’m sorry,” Branchstep cried, “I can’t help you.” She pressed her muzzle to the cat’s forehead, feeling her heart sink as it whined. She curled her paws around the cream-and-brown kitten fuzz. 

Her eyes shifted to the remains of the burlap sack that had once been the cat’s near-death. Branchstep looked at the cream-and-brown cat again. She tried to push the thought of suffocating the poor thing and ending its misery to the back of her mind. 

_No. Maybe there’s just a whisker’s chance I can help her._

Branchstep’s prayers were answered when she saw a mottled white and black molly creep just out of the corner of her eye. Sagewhisper. 

“That's the kitten that almost drowned?” Sagewhisper asked tentatively, poking her head into the medicine den. Branchstep answered with a silent nod. 

“Is she okay?” Branchstep tried not to let Sagewhisper get too close to the kitten, but she barged through anyway. 

Sagewhisper yelped in surprise when the kitten turned its deformed head to stare at her with its one eye. Branchleap expected as much. 

“ _Listen_ \- you’re the only one I know who can help her.” Branchstep pleaded to Sagewhisper’s emotions. “You said you always wanted kits, but Reedripple told you were infertile so you got upset, remember?” 

Sagewhisper stared the kitten up and down with an indescribable look on her face. Not quite pity, maybe? 

Branchstep grasped the burlap sack in her teeth and draped it over the kitten’s head. She didn’t seem to protest much (maybe she got used to that burlap sack, eh?). She nipped it with her teeth, creating a hole for her eye and mouth. 

“Take her,” Branchstep pleaded, shoving the unyielding kit in Sagewhisper’s face. “Don’t tell anyone about her face. Don’t _show_ anyone her face. If anyone asks, tell them she has sun sickness – anything. Just don’t let them know anything about what happened here.” 

Sagewhisper looked at the kitten with that half-pity look again. Took her by her side and just snaked off. Branchstep thought the kitten had turned to look at her but didn’t want to pay attention. 

_She just prayed to Starclan that she had made the right decision that day._


	2. i feel guilty, but not ashamed

_Angel was running through the gorge, feeling stinky hot breath chasing at her heels. She desperately struggled to turn her head and see who or what was chasing her, but it was like her head was stuck in place. The crashing river below flooded her ears to the point of being painful._

_She screeched like she was dying as she felt sharp teeth sink into her ankle, bringing her down to the dusty earth. She screamed again as she could feel and hear her blood gush out in unnaturally strong spurts from where she was bitten – she thrashed trying to get on her feet but something was holding her down -_

_She could finally move her head and saw scintillating green eyes and ruddy fur looking down at her. She tried to find sympathy in her sister’s eyes but found none. She opened her mouth to beg her to stop but as Liza’s paw held her throat and -_

“Angel! You’re having a nightmare!” Angel froze when she met Liza’s eyes as she shook her awake. She waited for Liza to turn into that cold-blooded creature that was wearing her sister’s fur but saw only a warm smile. 

“You really scared me and Christie, I mean - even I started screaming!” Angel felt hot embarrassment prickle at her pelt, realized she must’ve scared the living daylights out her sisters. “We’ve got to get going, anyway, Antstar’s going to the gathering tomorrow.” Angel had fuzzy memories of Antstar mentioning the gathering at greenleaf around three moons ago. 

“C’mon, Christie, let’s get ready. It’s you and Angel’s ceremony today too!” _Busy day_ , Angel bemoaned to herself. She pushed the lingering jealousy over her sister’s early apprenticeship to the back of her mind as she watched Liza shepherd Christie along like she was a senile elder. 

Though it wasn’t like Angel felt that about Christie sometimes, too. It was like she was in her own little world at times, staring at her sisters in a daze like she was trying to figure out what’s going inside their head. _Sorry Christie_ , she thought to herself, _but you’ll probably only find fighting and being strong and cool on Liza’s mind._

The leaffall breeze felt nice on the three’s pelts, even though greenleaf’s heat still lingered on the gorge floor. Angel flicked her ears in greeting as she saw her mother walking past, looking happier than she usually was. 

“Ready?” Maria called from the cliff opposite to them, the tone in her voice showing how proud she was of her daughters. 

“Yes and yes!” Liza said enthusiastically, tail wagging like she was a dog. Christie was already walking ahead of her sisters, leaving Liza to chase after her. 

“Excited?” Liza was right by Christie’s side, and Angel noted the somewhat peeved look on Christie’s face. Christie just nodded, albeit hesitantly, communicating in the silent way she always did. 

Angel always wondering if her sister just didn’t like talking or if something was wrong with her. She’d have to ask Malachi when he wasn’t busy fussing over Antstar. 

Speak of the devil, Antstar was already making his way over to the rockpile with Stagheart close by his side. Angel snorted. She didn’t know how Antstar could stand being near him so often. He _stunk_. And was totally rude. 

“May all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here underneath the rockpile for a clan meeting.” Like clockwork, all of Skyclan scurried out of their den holes and made a beeline for the rockpile. The three hurried too, trying not to be late. This was _their_ big day, after all. 

“I am proud to announce that I have some cats that have surely earned their right become apprentices.” Antstar pointed with his nose to Angel, Christie, and Liza. The three could practically feel each other's excitement buzzing in their bellies. 

“Liza, you have shown your unstoppable strength and creative thinking when working with the other apprentices, even at your young age. Though Starclan had decided you would be moved early, I am finally making this official.” Angel cursed the twinge of envy she felt when she heard Antstar’s praise, and could feel it claw at her belly like a snake when Antstar exchanged licks with her sister. 

She fought it harder than she ever had before as the cats around her chanted Liza’s name. 

“Rosebush,” A cream, slightly chubby molly sauntered out of the crowd. “You are ready to take on an apprentice. I hope that you can pass on what Lowstream had taught before you.” The way Antstar and Rosebush exchanged mournful glances, Angel could tell that whoever Lowstream was, they had died before Angel was brought into this world. 

Angel silently congratulated her sister as she touched noses with her new mentor. She looks way too gentle for Liza, she thought. 

“Angel,” Angel moved closer to her leader with shaking paws, envy waning a bit. “You have shown a caring heart, an unrivaled instinct, and a close connection to Starclan.” 

Antstar nodded toward where Malachi was sitting in the crowd. “Malachi and I have been talking about this for a long time, and we both agreed that it was about time for him to take on an apprentice.” Malachi looked as if Antstar’s words betrayed his true feelings as he padded over to Angel. 

_“Antstar and I have something to tell you and your sisters tonight._ ” He whispered as he touched noses with Angel. 

“Angel!” She could hear Liza chanting among the other cats. She shot her a warm look. 

“Christie, like your sisters, you have shown upmost loyalty to your clan – and a close bond with your family.” Angel could tell Antstar was struggling to find praising words for Christie. _Poor, poor Christie._

“Flowerstem,” A dark brown tabby tom rushed over to the rockpile – he was previously sharing tongues with some other cat before. “ _Y-yes._ ” He sputtered out. Angel and Liza tried to hold in their laughter. 

“You are ready to take on a new apprentice. You have received excellent training from Dusty, and have shown yourself to be accepting and patient.” Angel saw Liza make a face when she heard Antstar mention Flowerstem’s mentor. 

“ _What’s up?_ ” Angel leaned in close to her sister, whispering into her ear. 

“ _You think he was a kittypet?_ ” Liza’s voice showed contempt. 

“D-does it matter?” Angel replied, looking back and forth from Christie and her new mentor and Liza. 

“Aren’t cats like _that_ the reason why every other clan act like we’re dirt under their feet?” Liza laughed in an uncharacteristically cruel manner. 

Angel’s nose scrunched up. “Who’s been putting these ideas in your head? For all you know, you could’ve had kittypet in you, too.” Angel’s ears flattened as Liza’s hackles raised. 

“ _How would you know?!_ ” Angel froze in her spot, seeing the Liza she had seen in her nightmare standing before her, looking like she was ready to shred her. 

“Uhm - What’re you two talking about?” Flowerstem padded in between the two, with Christie – looking as lost as ever – close by his flank. 

“ _Nothing._ ” Angel answered curtly. 

“Okay. No need to bite my ears off – just asking a question.” Flowerstem quickly padded right past them, fur on his back spiked up. “C’mon, sweetie.” He lead Christie with his tail through the crowd. 

“As most of you may know, I mentioned back in greenleaf that we would be attending the gathering.” Antstar and Stagheart looked as satisfied as if they had gotten a hold of a whole turkey. “We discussed with Squirrelstar and Tigerstar, and they agreed, with this new era of peace, that Skyclan would be accepted back into the gathering with open paws and open minds.” 

The clan erupted with the cheers of the cats. They probably hadn’t been this excited in a thousand lifetimes. It almost made Liza and Angel forget they were fighting. 

“I get to finally show off my skills against the others clans! Show what makes me a true warrior!” Liza flexed her claws as she walked beside her sister. Angel tried not to show her fear. I’m afraid of my own sister, she reprimanded herself, this isn’t right. 

“Hah, yeah. But remember there’s a truce, so don’t go attacking anybody and starting a new war.” Angel tried to seem lighthearted, but she could tell by Liza’s offended face she wasn’t doing her best. 

“I won’t.” Liza said, voice prickled with annoyance. _Make sure of that_ , Angel wanted to add.

* * *

Angel scrunched her nose up, trying not to let Stagheart’s lingering scent bother her as she and her sisters were chaperoned by Malachi into Antstar’s den. She felt caved in like a bunch of badgers in a fox den as she realized how small it was in here with everybody crowded like this. 

Liza jumping up and down and up and down in what must have been both nervousness and excitement didn’t help either. Angel hadn’t noticed it before, but Liza must be as big as a dog. 

“I bet you three have noticed you’re - different from the other apprentices.” The look in Malachi’s eyes was boring into them. He knew something they didn’t, they could tell. 

Angel and Liza hesitantly, a strange feeling creeping in the air. 

“I’ve been having these – weird nightmares lately. They’re always bloody and it’s someone I know or me dying in them. They’re incredibly – _vivid_ , too.” Angel’s stomach did flips remembering the way she bled and the way Liza stared at her in her nightmare that morning. 

Malachi looked as if his stewing on something in his mind. He simply whispered “Oh.” He turned to Liza, and Angel could swear she could see fear in his eyes. He turned to Antstar and whispered something in his ear. 

Antstar and Malachi shot a pitiful look in Christie’s direction. Finally, after an uncomfortable and stuffy-feeling silence, Antstar spoke. “Malachi and I believe that you three were born with special powers,” Antstar’s words were filled with utter awe. Angel choked. _Me? Special?_

“And you will help Skyclan into a new era of not just peace – but prosperity with the other clans.” 

Malachi’s voice was hushed, but filled with a quality that made Angel and Liza’s pelts shiver. “ _The strength of lions, one hearing unspeakable words, a luscious voice, understood by few._ ” 

Liza puffed up with excitement, flexing her muscles. She hissed in Angel’s face, hot breath all over her. “Strength of lions, huh?” Angel fought back the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Being strong isn’t always a good thing, you know?” Liza just responded with a “humph!”, fur all on end. 

Malachi’s fur tickled Angel’s whiskers as he leaned in close. “Those nightmares you’re having may be Starclan’s way of communicating to you.” His voice had gone back to his usually nervous tone, she noted. 

Malachi’s gaze lingered on Christie again. He exchanged glances with Antstar again. “Me and Antstar need to talk in private, now.” He said curtly, shoving back his true feelings. 

Liza spat out a _“why?”_ , but she followed Christie and Angel out of Antstar’s den anyway. 

“What was that about?” Liza nudged Angel’s shoulder. Angel tried to ignore her but she just kept nudging her over and over and over again, so she gave in to her sister’s attention-seeking. 

“Which one? There’s a _lot_ of freaky stuff going on.” Liza nudged Angel again, cuffing her ears lightly – but it ended up sending her teetering over her paws. Liza muttered a “sorry”. 

But Angel could tell she wasn’t _really_ sorry. 

“The way Malachi and Antstar were looking at Christie. It was like she had no hair on her head, or something.” Everyone’s like that about her, Angel thought. 

“She’s part of this prophecy or whatever, right?” Angel let out a sigh. Liza seemed to be satisfied slightly by that answer. She shut up the rest of the way to the apprentice’s hole. 

But Angel could feel Christie lagging behind them, eyes boring into them the creepy way she always did. 

_What’s wrong with you?_

“Let’s go!” Liza raced foxlengths away from them. 

_Remember – even blind eyes can see._

* * *

“But momma! I want to be an apprentice! Why can’t I be an apprentice!?” Every cat in Riverclan could hear the screeching coming from the nursery. 

Sagewhisper’s lips curled, revealing glinting teeth juxtaposed with anger and sorrow-filled eyes. “You just can’t, Petalkit! _You can’t have everything you want in life!_ ” Petalkit squealed as Sagewhisper’s claws connected with her face – no, the sack stuck on what was her face underneath. 

Sagewhisper took a step back from Petalkit, body shaking as she realized what she had just done to her precious daughter. “It’s okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She whispered, pulling close to the kit who was shivering like a leaf. 

“Mama,” Petalkit’s voice was barely a soft breeze. “When can I take this off?” Her claws tugged at where the sack was tied around her neck. Sagewhisper snapped back, a haunting look in her eyes. 

“ _Never, baby, never._ ” She pulled Petalkit even closer to her breast, nearly suffocating her in her fur. “It’s our little secret.” 

“Promise me, that you won’t tell our secret, okay?” Sagewhisper flattened the kitten fuzz around Petalkit’s ears. 

“ _Promise._ ” Petalkit repeated. Sagewhisper made a satisfied noise. 

Petalkit’s attention was divided from her mother when she saw a familiar blonde pelt standing outside the nursery, green eyes bright and waiting. Don’t worry, Troutpaw, she wanted to say to him, I’ll meet you later tonight. 

Sagewhisper must’ve seen him, as she ushered Petalkit further into the nursery. Troutpaw lingered for a bit before wandering off again, either in defeat or because he was distracted by something. 

_Tonight, don’t forget now._ Petalkit smiled to herself.

* * *

“Gathering, gathering, gathering!” Liza cheered, making her way through the lush jungle of ferns surrounding the island. Angel wasn’t as – peppy, however. She shook as the leaffall chill combined with the water surrounding them cooled her to her very core. She would’ve tried to get closer into Liza’s fluffy fur but she was too busy bouncing around like a kit. 

“Calm down, _please._ ” Rosebush’s cuffed Liza behind her ears. “This isn’t supposed to be fun.” 

“ _I_ think it’s fun.” Flowerstem joked, Christie caught between his jaws. Rosebush gave him a withering look. 

“And will you stop treating her like a big baby?” Angel wanted to go over there and give that big fuss a smack on the muzzle. 

“She almost fell in.” Flowerstem retorted, snorting in between breaths. 

“Why don’t you two just share tongues already?” Liza mocked, tail wagging playfully. 

“ _Quiet!_ ” Flowerstem and Rosebush shouted in unison. Liza looked like she was about to laugh herself into the lake. Angel couldn’t keep up her sulky façade any longer, trying to hold in her kitten-like giggles. 

“ _I smell Shadowclan_.” Stagheart growled, voice oozing with hatred. Before he could bound over the ferns and get to the clearing where the gathering was beginning to form, he was stopped dead in his tracks by Antstar. He bowed his head pitifully. 

“There is a _truce_. We are at peace with Shadowclan and I intend to _keep it that way_ , understand?” Stagheart limped back, muttering apologies with his bravado shattered. Angel had to smirk. 

Malachi seemed to be in a trance as every other Skyclan member was ahead of him. “Malachi?” Antstar called from beyond the ferns. 

“R-r-iverclan.” Malachi blurted out, mind filling with the visions of Leafstar’s omen. That thing in the burlap sack that I saw – had Riverclan managed to rescue it – or has that not happened yet? 

“ _Malachi._ ” Antstar called again, worry clouding his voice. 

“’ ‘M fine, Antstar, just a little sour belly.” Malachi laughed it off. 

“Well - let’s get going. We’re already a bit behind.” Malachi followed Antstar, still feeling like he was in a trance.

* * *

Antstar looked among the great crowd of cats that stood at his and the other clan leaders’ feet. After what seemed to be decades and decades of falling by the wayside, being chased out with their tails between their legs, Skyclan was finally among their fellow warriors. 

Antstar awaited his turn to speak among the gathering clans with bated breath, whiskers twitching. 

Squirrelstar of Thunderclan, and Tigerstar of Shadowclan had nothing to report aside from the birth of new kits. Antstar congratulated them all the same. It appeared as though Maggotstar of Windclan was uneasy, and her cats had a snappy air about them. Antstar did not want to question, however, as Maggotstar turned her head to signal that it was Minnowstar's turn to speak. 

“Riverclan has recently rescued a kitten that was thrown into the lake by our clan border.” _Antstar noted the haunted expression upon Malachi’s face. I’ll have to go see him tomorrow, it seems._

“As we cannot find anything that would say that she belongs to any other clan, she has been named Petalkit under Sagewhisper’s care, and will serve as a full Riverclan warrior in due time.” Riverclan seemed disturbed by something, turning their heads with glossy pelts all ruffled in the direction of an uncannily empty spot in their ranks. Antstar’s ears swiveled, catching hushed whispers and gossip. 

“We have two new apprentices as well. Their names are Toadpaw and Troutpaw.” Minnowstar cocked his head towards Antstar. It was his turn, finally. 

“Skyclan will thank you all for generations to come. It was only with Shadowclan and Thunderclan’s help that we are here today with you all.” Squirrelstar and Tigerstar looked almost embarrassed by having Antstar’s praise heaped onto them. They nodded thankfully, however. 

The Windclan cats looked like they were holding back scathing insults and shouts of “kittypets!” Antstar ignored their burning gazes. 

“Skyclan has been delivered a prophecy by our faithful medicine cat, Malachi.” Malach still carried that same expression as he stepped forward to the Great Oak. 

“S-Starclan gave to me in a dream that we have been birthed three kits that will ensure a - great future for our clan.” Malachi looked like he was about to throw up, but Antstar was grateful in the least that Malachi did not give too much detail – _we do not want to jinx this._

* * *

“He’s talking about me!” Liza was already becoming buddies with a wiry little black-and-grey Shadowclan apprentice, Flashpaw. 

“Cool.” Flashpaw really couldn’t care less that her new friend was part of a prophecy. But – she was positively enamored by the way those green eyes lit up talking about how strong she was and how she’d save her clan. 

There was something to Liza – that other Skyclan cats, even Flashpaw’s own clanmates didn't have, had that magnetized her to her. 

“You want to know what my dream is?” Liza suddenly got close and Flashpaw could feel her heart doing belly-flops. “ _What?_ ” She whispered. 

“My dream is to prove to all the other clans that Skyclan isn’t just some helpless dead weight full of spoiled kittypets and selfish loners. If I have to rake the ears of every single clan cat to prove it, I will.” _Violent and full of pride_ , Flashpaw thought to herself, _but there’s something about the way she speaks that makes me want to see her again._

Liza and Flashpaw were pulled from their shared moment of each other by Angel, who put herself between them – the look in those ice-blue eyes said it all. 

“Are you _trying_ to make Antstar and Stagheart drag you back home?” Angel hissed in her sister’s face, sending Flashpaw stumbling back in surprise. 

“We’re just talking,” Flashpaw saw Liza’s eyes light up the way that made her feel strange, “Besides, you’re doing the same thing with Hoppaw over there, _aren’t you_?” Angel’s fur flattened against her, making her look no bigger than a kit. 

“ _I- you-_ ” Angel tried to sputter out a retort, but padded away with her tail in between her her legs. She sunk her claws into the sandy dirt. “ _You’re doing something you’re going to regret._ ” Angel spoke of past experience – or perhaps the future. 

Liza and Flashpaw shuddered, exchanging disturbed glances. 

“ _Your sister’s weird._ ” Flashpaw licked her paw and cleaned behind her ears, like she had already put this past her. 

“ _Yeah. She is._ ” Liza laughed half-heartedly. _I should put this behind me, too._

Liza looked with a sunken heart as Flashpaw padded away with the rest of Shadowclan. She didn’t even notice as Angel and Christie went past her, pelts on her like ghosts.

* * *

Petalkit stood outside in the pouring rain, searching the reeds for that familiar blonde pelt. Her heart warmed when she saw Troutpaw’s green eyes flickering through the darkness. 

Troutpaw had been an apprentice before her, so he was a bit older than her. But – he saw her as an equal – they had snuck out in the dead of night when Sagewhisper was sleeping like this many weeks' time. 

But – this one was special – she promised Troutpaw she’d show him something, something she had been hiding from him for a long, long time. 

She felt home as his long blonde fur crashed onto hers, welcoming not like how Sagewhisper would suffocate her with her scratchy pelt until Petalkit gave into her. She purred, her head resting in the crook of Troutpaw’s neck. 

“I love you.” She said this wholeheartedly, unlike her half-fib “I love you”s she told Sagewhisper every day. 

“I love you, too.” Troutpaw brushed his paw against the burlap sack, but Petalkit did not cower like she did so many times before. 

“ _Are you ready?_ ” She whispered into Troutpaw’s ear, bringing her forepaw up to grasp the burlap sack that had confined her for so long. 

Troutpaw did not falter as the cursed fabric fell to the sandy and wet earth beneath them with a flop. Petalkit was throwing away her last tie to Sagewhisper – to her mother dearest. 

“ _You -_ “ Troutpaw gasped out – Petalkit's face (if it could even be called that) was marred, covered in delicate pink flesh that covered its entirety, except for a single blue eye. 

His love did not wane one bit, even as Petalkit shrieked when she caught a glimpse of her true visage in the water’s reflection. 

“I’m an ugly thing.” Petalkit hissed at herself. She returned to her home when she felt Troutpaw embrace her once more. 

“No matter how you look, you’ll always be beautiful to me.” Petalkit tried to grasp at the sack to put it back on – but Troutpaw stopped her. “You don’t need to keep secrets anymore.” Petalkit felt as if she could cry as Troutpaw smiled at her. 

“One day, you’ll become the apprentice you were meant to be, then you’ll become a warrior with me, and we’ll be together _forever._ ” Troutpaw mused. He had a childish sense of hope and naivete, but Petalkit liked that about him. 

It made her feel hopeful, too.

* * *

Troutpaw’s head blurred as he saw Sagewhisper come rushing at him with tears flooding from her face and pure anger in her eyes, claws unsheathed. Troutpaw braced for his fur to be torn and the blood to spill into the water - 

But Sagewhisper just – _stopped._

_“You saw, didn’t you?”_ He could tell Sagewhisper wasn’t all there. He wanted to run away but his feet froze to the ground. 

“Tell me you didn’t.” Sagewhisper’s breath was hot on his face now. Troutpaw tried to speak but all that came out was senseless babbling. 

“ _I’m just trying to keep her safe. I’m just trying to keep her safe.”_ Sagewhisper droned on, paw raised, claws glittering in the moonlight. 

_“Please - don’t - I won’t tell, promise!”_ Troutpaw sputtered, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. It was too late for apologies as Sagewhisper’s paw crashed down into Troutpaw’s skull, bringing him down to the ground. 

_“Stop-”_ Sagewhisper continued without mercy, slamming her paw down on his tiny head again and again as Troutpaw helplessly tried to struggle away from her, cries caught in his throat. 

Rocks and blood and water filled Troutpaw’s vision before it all went black as he left to go hunting up there with Starclan. Sagewhisper realized the weight of what she had just done as Troutpaw’s small body bobbed up and down in the now reddish water like there was air still in his lungs. 

Sagewhisper let out a plaintive wail as she tried to wash her paws in the lake, but it just. _Wouldn’t. Go. Away._

She stood vigil for until the dawn’s light shone on her and Troutpaw’s lifeless body.

* * *

“Troutpaw! Please wake up!” Troutpaw’s head lolled in Petalkit’s paws as she shook him like she put her whole life behind it. Troutpaw didn’t respond, his glossed over eyes meeting hers.

Petalkit froze, spotting Sagewhisper standing right above her, eyes looking dead. Sagewhisper said nothing. 

“Momma?” Petalkit didn’t get an answer, just Sagewhisper’s hazel eyes staring unsteadily right back at her. _“Who did this?”_ Even though she _knew_ that her mother would've been the only one who could have done this. Petalkit must've gotten too careless and let Sagewhisper see her when she went off to elope with Troutpaw that night. 

Sagewhisper just – _padded away_. All Petalkit could do was cry alone. 

Petalkit worked in a trance as she heard the returning Riverclan patrol along the border, draping the sack over her face like it had been there for all her life, dragging Troutpaw’s body along the lake shore. Her heart sunk as she saw her pelt stained red in her reflection. 

Petalkit thought she saw Troutpaw’s ears flick, but it was probably just the wind - it chilled Petalkit to the bone as blew southeast.

“I’m going away now.” Petalkit said, dazed. She couldn't carry Troutpaw all the way there, even if she so desperately wanted to. She loped over the reeds and into the lingering shadows among the trees, far _far_ away from Riverclan and momma dearest. 

The bag made her breaths suffocated as she ran, her underdeveloped legs barely able to keep up with her head as she did what it told her : _get away from here._

She didn’t look back as she smelled the faint scent of Riverclan warriors as they returned from patrol and their gasps of horror and heard Sagewhisper shriek like she had been clawed, no she wouldn’t.

* * *

She didn’t know how long she had been running, but her legs felt completely numb. She gagged as she smelled something that was an over bearing sweet and smoky and acrid. 

This was the twolegplace the other Riverclan cats had warned her about. The brick roads felt chilly on her pads as she wandered aimlessly. 

Petalkit felt a sense of déjà vu as she spied an old church standing proud and center there, but she couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. She instinctively hid when she saw a man walk out from the church doors – he was carrying something that was wriggling in his hands. 

_She knew she couldn’t stay here, but she couldn’t go back to Riverclan, either._

* * *

_Angel could only watch in horror as Liza and Flashpaw struggled against each other, blood spattering against the Shadowclan forest floor. A sickening crunch and squelch as Liza snapped her jaws around Flashpaw’s neck, letting the apprentice’s body fall to the ground – lifeless._

_Angel tried to step forward to stop her sister, but it was far too late. Liza stood, hung hung low, above Flashpaw’s body. Angel thought Liza had said something but something was buzzing in her ears that overtook everything else._

_Liza turned to Angel, finally, mouth sticky with blood. “Angel, help me-”_

And then she woke up, right next to Liza, like she always did. Angel’s instincts screamed at her to run away from the future monster sleeping beside her, but her guilt overtook her instincts as she curled against her sister again - 

But her side was empty as Liza stirred and left the apprentice’s hole. Angel gasped. She was heading southeast – where Shadowclan’s camp was. 

_You’re doing something you’re going to live to regret._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> liza's proving herself to be a bit.... creepy, huh?


	3. but some flare out with love love love

_I’m only just visiting_ , Liza convinced herself as she snaked through the rock-rough and irritating ferns that were scattered through the Shadowclan-Skyclan border. _It’s not like it’s against the warrior code to have a friend (she’s just a friend), isn’t it? Angel’s too finicky._

Liza’s heart warmed in a strange way as she spotted the wiry Shadowclan apprentice’s tell-tale grey mask that rested upon her black fur like a spotlight against the night. Flashpaw’s green eyes widened in surprise. 

“Liza! What’re you doing here?” Tentativeness hid her excitement, her back fur spiked up. Liza just laughed, a big laugh that shook Flashpaw’s belly. 

“I came to see you.” Flashpaw tensed, then softened as Liza’s head found itself on her thin shoulders. “What, you don’t want me here?” Liza joked, her laugh hushed this time. 

“It’s not that,” Flashpaw shuffled her weight on her paws in an awkward movement, “It’s just that-” 

Liza hushed Flashpaw. “It’s not like I’m here to steal something,” Liza’s green eyes shone in _that_ way like they had during their first meeting. “Are you going to listen to that worrywart, or your friend?” Flashpaw choked. 

“ _You._ ” Flashpaw’s tone suddenly got uncharacteristically prickly and intense. Liza chuckled again, eyes still shining and tail swishing mischievously. Flashpaw squealed playfully as Liza cuffed her behind the ears. 

“Right.” Flashpaw felt like she wouldn’t rather be anywhere else but here. “Do you want to play with me?” You being here with me is enough fun already. 

“I just want to spend some time with you, if that’s alright.” Liza seemed to be taken aback with Flashpaw’s forwardness, but she softened. 

Liza’s jaw dropped in shock as Flashpaw’s tail intertwined with hers. That’s something only _mates_ do. She tried to say something, but couldn’t find the words as Flashpaw leaned into her, breath hot on the crook of her neck. 

She realized just how tiny and fragile she was compared to her. Her claws flexed without her mind wanting them to, meeting with the marshy-soft earth instead. 

* * *

Angel’s eyes widened, feeling Rosebush shudder next to her in the cover of the undergrowth. _She’s making the worst mistake a cat could ever make_. Her paws twitched, screaming at her to do something, but she knew she must not act impulsively. 

Angel screamed in both surprise and frustration as Rosebush leaped out of her cover, storming in front of Liza and Flashpaw. 

“Do you have _any idea_ what you two are doing?” Rosebush’s voice was caked in anger, frustration, and disappointment, her teeth bared. Liza immediately got defensive, claws glinting ominously in the early daylight. 

“ _All you two do is tell me what I can’t and can’t do!_ ” Liza sounded like a whiny kit, but Angel felt a twinge of her consciousness telling herself she was responsible for this, too. “ _Who cares what I'm doing? It’s not against the code to have friends, you know! I can’t spend my entire life, cooped up in Skyclan when I’m supposed to be out here fulfilling a prophecy._ ” 

“You’re clearly lying to yourself about your true feelings, Liza.” Angel’s voice gained a quality that made the other three cats freeze, limbs shaking. “ _You are a fool, sister._ ” A haunting mixture of rage and acceptance of Angel’s words filled Liza’s eyes as she lunged towards her sister, Flashpaw and Rosebush letting out a shriek - 

But Liza’s claws connected with the dirt and ferns instead. Rosebush spat in Liza’s face as Angel watched, not completely realizing what had just happened. 

“Angel’s right. Let’s go. We’ll discuss your punishment with Antstar when we get home.” Rosebush’s sheathed paw connected with Liza’s face, making her let out a pitifully small squeal. Flashpaw just watched in horror as the three cats made the march of shame back to Skyclan’s camp, tails low between their legs. 

_You’re not who they say you are_ , Flashpaw wanted to assure Liza as she saw her not-quite-friend look back at her with utterly sorrow-filled green eyes, having lost that shine she loved so much.

* * *

The twolegplace was thinning out now, the asphalt and brick streets and apartments replaced with small grass-and-flower filled yards dotted with quaint and quiet-looking suburban homes. 

This territory was definitely unfamiliar to Petalkit. 

She could feel the curious and uneasy looks of the kittypets boring into her as she wandered aimlessly through this seemingly never-ending maze of houses and yards and twolegs pattering about like they had somewhere to be. She scrunched up her nose at the sharp smells of smoke and dogs. 

She choked and her heart skipped a beat – seeing a flash of blonde fur sneaking in between the spots where the fences weren’t completely mended. _Troutpaw_ , she mused, _is that really you?_

She had found what she had been searching for this entire journey. A purpose. She followed close behind, but not enough to be noticed – or so she thought. Green eyes met hers and she was sure she had found him. 

“ _Troutpaw._ ” Petalkit said under a hushed breath. The tom looked a bit anxious, paws twitching (she could notice it, definitely), but she saw a look on his face that showed to her that he _knew_ , too. 

Again, or so she thought – the tom’s eyes grew wild and tense. “You’re confusing me for someone else.” He said, snappy as he turned away from her. 

“ _No, I don’t._ ” The tom seemed to be amused by her unrelenting belief in her thoughts. He softened a bit – and his ears flicked back and forth wildly the way Troutpaw’s used to when he was embarrassed by something (and Troutpaw was always embarrassed about something). 

“You’re strange,” The tom laughed, but it was deep and confident – not like Troutpaw’s nervous ones – maybe she was wrong, _maybe._ “Come with me, I’ll show you something.” The tom beckoned with that plumy tail, and Petalkit followed, not hesitating one bit. 

Perhaps, she was home again.

* * *

Liza sat with a head hung so low one might think it would fall off of her shoulders any second as her mentor and her leader’s judgmental eyes bore into her. Angel sat beside her, not having said a word since. 

“You’ve disappointed me, Liza. You’ve disappointed Malachi, and you’ve disappointed your mentor and your sister.” Antstar’s words stung Liza like she had been scratched. “Every cat knows that forming relationships with cats from other clans is forbidden by the code.” 

“I’m sorry.” Liza couldn’t face her leader. 

“Your warrior ceremony will be held back for 6 more moons as punishment.” Rosebush’s scratchy voice filled her ears, the blood rising to them and making them _buzz-buzz._ “We hope you’ve learned your lesson.” 

_It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. She knew she didn’t do anything wrong – she was just playing with Flashpaw._

_But – friends don’t play with each other by curling their tails together and rubbing themselves all over each other_ , Liza accepted it. _They don’t._

Liza was left alone with her thoughts and her sister who sat beside her like an unmoving boulder as Antstar and Rosebush had already leapt off the rockpile and had gone their separate ways – trust broken. 

Liza looked at her sister, who was staring up at the sky like she was in a daze, looking more like Christie than Angel. 

She didn’t even try to talk to her as she dragged herself, defeated and sorrow filled, to her den. 

Is Flashpaw going through the same exact thing, Liza asked herself as she closed her eyes and tried to force herself to sleep through the rest of this horrible day.

* * *

“So, my name’s James, what’s yours?” The blonde tom’s green eyes were welcoming and friendly seeming to her, now. There was also something – young and kitten-like about them – despite this tom obviously being older. 

“Petal.” She was throwing away all ties from Riverclan and momma dearest (she cringed remembering the way Sagewhisper had looked at her the last time she ever saw her), she decided. The tom looked - for a split second – as if that name was familiar to him. He shook it off. 

“That’s nice,” The tom’s ears flicked back and forth in that way again. “By the way, why do you wear that – bag on your head? Petal hissed, jumping back as the tom reached out a paw to grasp at the edges of the burlap sack - but she softened just as quick. This was Troutpaw, after all, wasn't it? He knew what she looked like under it. 

Without being asked, Petal used her claws to lift the bag off of her head, gingerly grasping at the edges ‘til it fell to the soft lawn below with a familiar _plop_. Her true face was revealed once again. 

James made a face, something was grasping at his head, a feeling like somebody was digging around in his skull but he couldn’t pinpoint why. 

Petal looked satisfied by his reaction. _He remembers, doesn’t he_ , she asked herself, quickly slipping the bag back on – but the wrong way. James chuckled. 

“You really are something, aren’t you?” Petal was home. But – she had something she had to ask him. 

“Are you familiar with Riverclan?” A low growl sounded from the tom’s throat, perhaps remembering something he did not want to remember. 

“I’m not a kittypet, if that’s what you’re asking.” He said through forced words.

* * *

The air in the warrior’s den was stuffy and sickeningly suffocating as the Riverclan warriors surrounded Sagewhisper, eyes full of disbelief and fangs bared. 

“ _S-so you killed him? You killed Troutpaw?_ ” Pikejaw was trying his best to hold back his rage, but any cat could see it by the flexing of his claws and the way his limbs shook. His daughter, Toadpaw, was close behind him – tilting her head and swiveling her ears to try and piece together what was going on. 

“Troutpaw’s dead?” Toadpaw looked up at her father with big, curious eyes. Pikejaw softened and crouched down to comfort her. 

“You don’t need to know this.” Toadpaw stood there for a moment, gaze going from her father to Sagewhisper – whose black-and-white fur was still stained with old blood – and padded away at her father’s request. 

“ _She killed my son!_ ” Shimmerspot hissed at the top of his lungs as the other Riverclan warriors desperately tried to hold him back, blonde fur flying everywhere – the warriors’ grip on him faltered, leaving him crashing in front of his son’s murderer. “ _She deserves to die too!_ ” Pikejaw barely stopped him from lunging at Sagewhisper – who knows what he would’ve done if he had managed to get a hold of her. 

Minnowstar appeared behind the crowd of warriors, and they all froze at once and bowed their heads. Sagewhisper couldn’t look him in the eye. “I know your pain, Shimmerspot, but an eye for an eye has never done anyone good.” 

Shimmerspot understood. He held his head in reverence at his leader as he backed away from Sagewhisper – but with hate still burning in those green eyes that looked so much like his son. 

“Sagewhisper,” Minnowstar stood in front of Sagewhisper, blue eyes intense. Sagewhisper said nothing – she knew she had done the unthinkable and would be punished accordingly. “Where’s Petalkit?” _Trying to torture me with delaying the inevitable, eh,_ Sagewhisper thought to herself, _I’ve already done that enough to myself._

Minnowstar’s calm façade started to fade. “ _Where is she? Where is Petalkit?_ ” 

“I don’t know. She ran away.” Sagewhisper sputtered out, claws digging into the earth – mind playing the images of her deed over and over again like a broken record – Troutpaw's lifeless eyes burned in her memory. 

Minnowstar didn’t seem satisfied with her answer, but he took pause for a moment – he whispered something in Pikejaw’s ear. 

Sagewhisper didn’t protest (if she even had the energy left in her for that) as Pikejaw picked her up by the scruff of her neck by his teeth like she was a helpless kit and dragged her towards the Riverclan border, guilt filling his eyes. 

Branchstep hid in the darkness of the medicine den, fully realizing she had made the wrong decision that day. She was reminded of Petalkit’s pitiful cries the day they had found her. 

I am nothing but an old fool, Branchstep mused to herself, and my choice is only going to make things worse from here – I can tell. Branchstep’s vision was suddenly filled with red – blood.

* * *

Malachi was dreaming, he knew that much. The smell that seemed so distant to him filled his nose and filled his head with bittersweet nostalgia – acrid and smoky. 

It also reminded him of Stagheart. 

His vision came second – it was the dead of night, the only things illuminating the roads were streetlights and the pale moon. Brown-and-white and black-and-grey flashed by him, seemingly ignoring him. He tried to call for them to stop – but it was if they couldn’t hear him. 

He followed instinctively, racing through those roads he thought he’d never travel again in his life, cursing himself as the flashes of fur evaded him. They were leading him somewhere; he could tell. 

The maze-like streets suddenly opened up to an empty lot, basked in the moon’s light. The two cats beckoned him with their tails among what appeared to be – the burning scraps of a building. 

The brown-and-white one with huge ears spoke first. “I see red, black, and white calling me from a place where the sun beats down on those wild and free,” Malachi could figure out immediately who the tom was referring to. “And I will show them who they’ve been sorely missin’.” 

_The fourth? Am I finally going to find them?_ Malachi was elated, his emotions jumping the gun a bit. But he kept himself from spoiling this. 

The plump black-and-grey tom huffed at the other tom’s words, old voice hoarse as he spoke. “One pure and innocent will fall into the darkness – but do not fret – for she knows exactly what she is doing.” 

Before Malachi could ask the tom just what in the world he meant by that, he shot awake, eyes fluttering in the early daylight – he had slept all night for the first time in moons. 

Antstar needs to know about this. Malachi sprinted towards Antstar’s den, hoping he had gotten up early as well.

* * *

“Another prophecy?” Antstar guessed, looking up from his early-morning meal of finch. Malachi felt his heart lighten a bit as he spotted the bird’s feathers had stuck to Antstar’s lip. 

“Did - Did I interrupt you?” Malachi blurted out, blood rushing to his ears in embarrassment. Antstar just laughed in that low laugh. 

“Go ahead. Your visions are far more important than me stuffing my face.” Antstar wiped his mouth with a paw, settling down on his hind legs. He still gives off such an – imposing feel – even when he’s being so silly, Malachi thought. 

“I had a dream – it was in twolegplace - and some brown-and-white cat told me that ‘you’ll find someone you’ve been sorely missing’.” Malachi’s breath caught in his throat, Antstar’s expression was intrigued. 

“The fourth, isn’t it?” Antstar made a face that suggested that he might’ve known the cat Malachi was talking about. 

“I think so,” Malachi trailed off. “Anyway, there was another cat too – an old one that was black and grey. He talked about a ‘pure and innocent one’. Any idea what it could mean?” 

“Mikey and Star Seeker,” Antstar was reminiscing about something from the past, Malachi could see that clearly. “Send the three to twolegplace and tell them to ask for a Mikey and Star Seeker – they'll know.” 

Malachi was taken aback by Antstar’s sudden shift from silly and lighthearted to serious, but he nodded anyway. 

“Wait-” Malachi realized - _Liza was being punished, wasn’t she?_

Like always, Antstar had read his thoughts. “She needs to go, as well. Punishment or not.”

* * *

James had led Petal here – Petal tried to hold her emotions back as the smell of Riverclan filled her senses and probed at her skull. 

“What’re we doing here.” Petal smelt something else familiar, too, but she didn’t want to think about it too much. 

“You asked me about Riverclan, right?” James’ heart was desperately trying to tell him something there was familiar to him about this place – _remember, remember, please_ it shouted at him. “So I thought that was where you wanted to go.” 

“No. I never want to go back here ever again.” Petal spat out, impulses taking a hold of her as she sunk her claws into the sandy earth. _There’s that smell again._

“So, you used to live here, huh?” You used to live here too, Troutpaw, Petal wanted to shout at him, _don’t you remember?_

_Or maybe – has it not come back to you yet?_

James must’ve taken her silence as an answer as he marched onward, getting unsafely close to the border where the lake ran through. I can still see the blood flowing from your lifeless body, Petal’s mind flashed with images of Troutpaw’s body as it bobbed up and down in the lake, and her holding him – knowing he’d never open his eyes ever again. 

“This place feels familiar, you know.” James thought out loud. He swore he saw blood lapping up at his paws as they sunk into the lake. A growl crept up in his throat as he smelled something – something that gave him a sense of déjà vu. 

Petal’s memory of momma dearest screamed at her as she spotted a mottled black-and-white cat dragging itself not too far from where they were standing, the smell of milk and blood and herbs filling her senses. 

It all came back to James as he saw her – the lake running red with his own blood, the panicked screams sounding like warning sirens in his ears as his vision blackened and he left this world. _You killed me_ , his inner conscious yelled. 

_I begged and begged for you to stop but you didn’t._ He charged forward as Petal froze in her tracks, a war cry rising up in his throat. _I wanted one look,_

His paws thudded and sent the lake churning around him as he continued on his path, instinct fully taking over as red filled his vision once again. 

_And you killed me, just for that._

Sagewhisper’s scream pierced the air as James crashed into her, blood filling his nostrils and his mouth. He took pause and lifted his head, only to look his murderer dead in her eyes. 

Sagewhisper saw what Petal had been seeing in those green eyes – those eyes that didn’t belong to a cat that big and that aged. Eyes that weren’t _his_. _“Troutpaw?”_ Sagewhisper sputtered out, letting out an awful sound. 

“Why?” Was the only thing James (Troutpaw) had to say for himself as his large paws connected with Sagewhisper’s skull, the river running red like that day. 

Petal and James left as quickly as they had come, the sounds of Riverclan patrols who had come to check out what the noise was getting louder and louder and closer to the scene of the crime. 

_Troutpaw, you’ve changed forever_ , Petal thought as she ran as far as her legs could carry her (this was truly turning out to be a repeat of that very day), _we’ve changed._

* * *

“We’re going on an adventure!” Angel breathed a sigh of relief as her sister’s usual upbeat self had returned, the red fluffball prancing about the gorge like this was the best day of her life. 

_I forgive you_ , she wanted to tell her sister as she held her – but she knew this wasn’t the time. 

Angel’s ears swiveled, picking up on a conversation between Malachi and Flowerstem. 

“Are you sure Christie’s going to be fine – out there all by herself, I mean?” Flowerstem had his tail curled around Christie. _Who’s her mother again?_

“She’ll be fine,” Malachi said with the most confidence he had in Christie since she was born. “Besides, I’ll be coming with them.” Flowerstem’s worries seemed to have waned a bit. 

“Okay, just let me know if she gets sick, or she’s sad she can’t see me or Maria, or-” Malachi hushed Flowerstem with his tail. “ _Enough_. She’ll be _fine._ ” Angel could hear Liza laughing up a storm upwind from her. Angel let herself laugh a little, too. 

_This is going to be fun_ , she convinced herself, _so I really should lighten up a little._

Malachi must’ve been finished with that worrywart Flowerstem, as he padded right up next to Angel with Christie in tow. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, almost making her jump out of her fur. 

“I know you’re still upset with Liza,” _I’m really not_ , she wanted to spit in his face. “But do this for me.” 

“Sure.” She replied curtly. 

“We leave by sundown tomorrow, make sure you’re all ready.” Angel wanted to ask him something about Christie, but he was already making his way over to the medicine cat den. Angel’s gaze wandered over to Christie – she was just standing in the middle of the gorge like an idiot. 

_Are we sure she’s fine?_

* * *

_Flame and smoke engulfed Angel, making her throat scratch and her eyes sting. The creaking and hissing of dust and dirt as this place that seems oh-so-familiar creates a symphony for her._

_A cowering brown shape beckons her to come closer, but like always, she can’t move a thing as the fire suffocates her. Hazel eyes meet hers. She knows she’s found what Malachi and Antstar have been searching for -_

_Something crashes into her side and what’s left of the air in her lungs gets knocked out of her as she struggles to get up and see just what attacked her (but she knows by this point exactly who it’s going to be if she can just- turn – her head -), but her vision goes blank as wheezing breaths fill her ears and -_

She was having a nightmare – a couple days in a row of them, she might add – and she curls back up against Liza and Christie. Her nose meets Liza’s forehead. 

“I forgive you.” She can finally tell her as she falls back asleep.

* * *

The dawn air is cold and crisp as Flashpaw crashes through the thinning undergrowth that lines the Shadowclan-Skyclan border. She breathes in, smelling the faint scent of earth and bindweed that became so comforting to her. 

She knew she was doing something wrong, but - 

_She wanted to see her, too._

The gorge glowed yellow in the faint light of the sun that was creeping up along the edge, and Flashpaw was too creeping up upon the edge of Skyclan camp, needle-thin tail twitching wildly as her whiskers. She can see a red dot like a signal upon the horizon. 

She smiles to herself as that red signal dot comes closer to her, the image of that red cat becoming clearer, those green eyes staring right back at her. Flashpaw was greeted with an unexpectedly hostile face on the usually warm and bright Liza. 

“ _What’re you doing here?_ ” Flashpaw’s eyes flattened against her head. Liza’s eyes shone in a much different way. 

Flashpaw didn’t lie. “I just wanted to see you again.” Liza seemed to soften, her head pointing down towards her paws in shame. 

“I wanted to see you too,” Liza didn’t lie either. “But we can’t always get what we want, Flashpaw.” Flashpaw was being – rejected, wasn’t she? 

“ _Liza._ ” Flashpaw's eyes met with Liza’s face again, regret etched onto her features. 

“Antstar-” Liza tried to speak, but lost the words as Flashpaw leaned into her, head firmly placed into the crook of her neck like it belonged there. “We can’t see each other anymore, alright?” Liza pushed her away. 

“Weren’t you the one that insisted on seeing me and made a big fuss when you got caught?” Flashpaw teased playfully – but Liza didn’t see it as funny as she did. 

“ _You’re-_ ” Liza stuttered, and felt hot embarrassment as Flashpaw laughed at her to her face. “ _Leave._ ” Liza’s claws flexed, a split-second vision of Flashpaw being sent flying in her mind (she didn’t want to think that). 

Flashpaw knew when not to argue with her anymore. She turned tail back to Shadowclan. 

“That’s right! Leave!” She heard Liza’s shouts echoed behind her. _When did you become Liza, righteous upholder of the warrior code?_


	4. it's hard to tell gifts of the spirit, from clever counterfeits

The air was humid and heavy, smelling of decay and acrid and rotting food, and the asphalt stung their pads as they walked even though the sun had long since set. Green and blue eyes scanned the empty lot for the signs of the one they were supposed to meet – ears flat against their heads as the percussion of the monsters and twolegs buzzed on as background noise. 

The stars were shining clear in the sky, even in this smog-filled city – he was supposed to be here by now. James’ plumy tail swung back and forth and forth, impatient. His paws twitched, aching for that taste – the taste he had acquired two moons ago – but it had seemed like ages since then. 

Petal paced around him, probably feeling the same thing he was going through. Her kitten-soft drooping fur that was oh-so pristine was beginning to become matted and dirt-caked. I couldn’t care less how she looks, James reminded himself, all that matters is that she’s here beside me. 

The guest of honor had arrived. The crinkling of plastic and aluminum cans crackled under his paws like shattering glass, and the two cats turned their heads in attention to him. Shining under the stars and the moonlight, he beckoned with his tail. 

“You took way too long.” James hissed through bared fangs, lips curled. The other tom seemed disturbed by this display, clumsily stumbling back, legs tangled on each other. 

“Take it easy,” The tom hung on every word, speaking through his teeth like a hissing snake – but it seemed this snake was too much of a coward to even consider striking. “I’m on _your_ side, remember?” 

James and Petal bristled with irritation. They didn’t like dealing with this cat who didn’t speak plainly to others, and always seemed to know more than he let on, but it was their only choice left if they wanted to get this done. 

“I know what you’re here for,” The tom smirked, showing off fangs stained a sickly dark yellow. “You want revenge on Riverclan.” He guessed. The two nodded hesitantly, not wanting to drag this on any further than they had to. 

“Well,” The tom’s eyes scanned them up and down, as if calculating the risks of this endeavor. “Just the two of you won't do, not at all.” He shook his head theatrically. “Your best bet is to - breed confusion and anger. Either internally or by egging on another clan to attack, each one is a good choice.” 

The tom’s eyes glinted like stained glass windows. “I believe you’ve already done so, you just need to capitalize on what you have – and you will have your wish granted,” He turned his head up to the stars, as if praying to them. “ _By the stars’ power, you will have it granted._ ” A hoarse laugh rang out, making Petal and James’ ears flick in pain. 

James’ eyes squinted – this tom’s words were caked in smugness. James snorted, and the tom took it as approval. 

“You know – I'm not allowed to say this, but,” Spit it out, James wanted to shout, imagining he had gotten a hold of this self-important tom and was raking his ears. “Three important cats from Skyclan are supposed to meet me - very soon.” 

Now he had gotten their attention. Allies to their cause, perhaps? But the tom gave a face like he wasn’t keen on spilling the rest of the beans. The tom smiled, fangs all yellow, again. “Pleased to be of service.” He slowly began to turn away from them, his tail the only thing left of him in the light as he disappeared. 

“Just to let you two know, I expect my end of the deal. Don’t be late, ya hear?” Huge green eyes shone uncannily in the dark until there was no sign of him. A growl rose in James’ throat. _Don’t count on it, you mangled piece of rat food._ Claws sank into the weeds that had overtaken what was once building. 

_Riverclan will fall, and we will be sure of it._

* * *

_Star Seeker, you fool_ – Mikey was crouched beneath an old dumpster (he didn’t mind smelling like trash – he already smelled pretty bad already), watching everything with contempt. 

The cat had no clue what he was starting. Mikey had no interest in the inter-politics of clan life – though he was the one to “show them around” when they came to and from, for a price of course. He may have been a nasty old bribe-taking cat, but Star Seeker was the worst kind of crook in this city – _self-aggrandizing little punk._

Riverclan would be making their yearly rounds around here soon – Mikey had heard it from the other loners. The way Star Seeker had been so ambiguous about those “three important cats” from Skyclan made his fur stand on end. Were they planning on starting a war between them? 

Mikey did not have to turn his head to notice his special guest. “Antstar,” Mikey guessed to the shadows. The shadows surrounding him let out an elongated sigh. 

“Mikey. We need to talk.” Antstar spoke urgently. Mikey arched an eyebrow – Antstar hadn’t visited in moons, what possibly could he want? Antstar gave him no pause to ask any further questions. 

“Did you visit Malachi in his dreams a few moons ago? I mean – it's practically impossible for one who does not believe to walk the thoughts of cats.” Mikey scoffed, but he was not completely unfriendly – keeping paws tucked underneath his belly. 

“Must be Star Seeker’s doing. I have no idea who this Malachi is.” Antstar was starting to become agitated – he did not have the time for Mikey’s standoffishness now. 

“Anyway- there will be three apprentices – maybe warriors by then – visiting you soon. They will need your help. Don’t give them any trouble.” Antstar’s tail twitched, impatient, but Mikey could see that beneath that he was upset by something – those telltale wildly twitching whiskers. 

“Got it. By the way, old friend, I fear something terrible is going on. Watch your back.” Antstar’s eyes wavered a bit, whiskers twitching even more now. 

“Excuse me?” Antstar questioned. 

“Star Seeker is up to his old tricks again – him and some other cats are planning on agitating Riverclan.” Antstar looked confused by this. 

“What does Riverclan have to do with us?” Mikey’s expression was uncharacteristically grave. 

“I have a feeling it has everything to do with you.” Mikey just stared at his old friend, fire in his eyes. 

Antstar returned to Skyclan that dawn with a heavy heart and an anxious feeling drumming in his chest.

* * *

Sagewhisper’s body had been found that dawn, her skull had been bashed in until it had been nothing more than red pulp and the river had turned a horrid dark red with old blood – there were horrified gasps and hushed whispers buzzing throughout the camp like an enraged beehive – Minnowstar was in a fuss throughout the entire day, snapping at the lightest provocation. 

Toadpaw couldn’t think of what to say to her father and mother as she was dragged away to be buried – though nobody could really agree whether she would be buried near Riverclan as a sign of her once being a warrior, or somewhere far away to show that the clan had disowned her for her actions – she had been the one to find her. 

Toadpaw was out on a patrol to gather herbs for her mentor, Branchstep, when she had wandered a bit too far off from Riverclan’s border markers and had stumbled upon the scene that had been etched into her mind – it must’ve been a few days since she had been killed, as maggots had begun to crawl throughout her body like white scars, and the stench was _atrocious._

Toadpaw nearly gagged at the image, shaking her head to clear it. Pikejaw was trying to comfort her, wrapping his tail around his daughter’s shoulder – Primweed had gone off to vomit in the lake’s bank. Toadpaw flattened her ears against her head, trying to block out the sound. 

Minnowstar and his deputy, Reedripple, were pacing about the meeting place, tails raised in high alert. Branchstep had holed herself up in the medicine cat den and had not come out for a very long time. Toadpaw’s heart lurched – Branchstep had seen to two dead cats in the past few moons – two murders. 

Minnowstar was starting the clan meeting – but this time he did not announce it like he usually did. The look in his eyes spoke desperation. “Sagewhisper is dead. We must remain vigilant,” His eyes scanned the gathering Riverclan cats, as if trying to tell who was the guilty one among them. “ _There are many cats who would have reason to kill her._ ” His gaze drifted to Shimmerspot, who was crumpled up in the corner of the camp – near the elder’s den, where he had been transferred, _due to his mind losing him_ , Reedripple had explained. 

Reedripple let out a snarl that startled Toadpaw. “If anyone has any suspicions about their fellow clanmates, I’ll stop you right now.” Reedripple’s yellow eyes shot sideways to Minnowstar. “I believe this is an outside problem.” Minnowstar snapped back at his deputy, eyes of fire. 

“ _What makes you say that, Reedripple?_ ” Minnowstar had been slowly, “having his mind lose him”, these days too. Reedripple did not falter. 

Pikejaw leaned into his daughter’s ear. “ _Great. Now Reedripple and Minnowstar are fighting – just what we need._ ” Toadpaw was starting to get more and more anxious, staying here in Riverclan. 

“Shimmerspot is far too gone to be able to do something like that, and Sagewhisper was close with few cats.” Reedripple proposed. Minnowstar spoke up before Reedripple could finish. 

“What would the other clans have to do with Sagewhisper?” Minnowstar had guessed exactly what Reedripple was thinking – his tail thrashed wildly and his pale grey fur was spiked up in all directions, needle-sharp. Pikejaw tensed, ready to defend the deputy from their leader. 

“I remember seeing Sagewhisper run off in the direction of Skyclan one night – perhaps she grew close to another – and they wanted to shut her up about the affair.” A snarl rose up from the crowd. 

“ _Sagewhisper’s body did not smell of Skyclan!_ ” Branchstep howled from the medicine den, spirit renewed. “ _There was blonde fur between her claws!_ ” 

Reedripple did not seem convinced. “Is there not a blonde cat in Skyclan?” The gathering of cats was becoming a riot of snarls and insults and claws slung at one another. Toadpaw covered beneath her father, shaking like a leaf. Branchstep told me something like this would happen. 

“What would Maria or Malachi have against a Riverclan cat? That clan’s tensions lie with Shadowclan, not with us!” Another warrior yowled among the symphony of fighting, the cats insecurities and rage boiling over to their breaking point as bodies clashed. 

“Skyclan had made a vow of peace along with the others, why would they break it now?” 

“ _It was Shimmerspot! Don’t believe Reedripple’s lies!_ ” Sagewhisper’s mother had begun to argue with another. Claws flew in a fury in response. 

Minnowstar did nothing and said nothing amongst the chaos. Reedripple was regretting being the cat who was partially responsible for this, and was wedging his way between his warring clanmates, trying to calm them, wincing as Sagewhisper’s mother was hissing in his face, accusing him of letting her daughter die. 

When her father and mother were distracted, Toadpaw had slipped away. _I can’t take this_ , she cursed at her clanmates, running away to where she did not know. 

For a second, she thought she saw Branchstep, weaving through the other cats, coming towards her as she looked over her shoulder – but she never stopped running.

* * *

The unfamiliar feeling of the freshly cut grass stung Toadpaw’s pelt, and she stopped to catch her breath, wheezing. She knew where she was- the twolegplace. The howls of angry cats fighting amongst themselves had left her – but this place made her a bit uncomfortable – she had only seen this place once, when her father had taken her show her how kittypets lived. 

She mused about going back, before she caught two pairs of yellow and greyish eyes staring back at her, quivering with curiosity and unease. 

“What do you look so sad for?” The bundle of black fur that had belonged to that pair of yellow eyes shouted at her from over the fence, voice prickling with distrust. Can’t blame her, Toadpaw thought, I’d be upset too if some weird cat ran into my territory crying. 

“Don’t be rude.” The pair of greyish eyes squeaked, dragging his chubby blonde body along the fence. Toadpaw flinched - blonde fur had been found in Sagewhisper’s claws – but she laughed at herself when she realized it, he’s just some kit. 

“ _Shut up, Bandit._ ” The black cat playfully cuffed her friend behind the ears – he just laughed in response. Toadpaw had to smile – she wished she had a friend like that – but, well, there was someone - 

Troutpaw had been older than her – back in the nursery he always played with her, but when he became an apprentice his true colors showed – a wishy-washy young cat that never really paid attention to others, in fact, he seemed to avoid them. Except for Petalkit. She had caught him sneaking out one night to the nursery to meet her – but she wasn’t a snitch, she told no one. 

Looking back, there was always something off-feeling behind those huge green eyes. Troutpaw’s stomach flinched and she didn’t know why. 

“Well, what’s your name? Mine’s Shnookums.” Toadpaw tried to stop herself, but she burst out into a body-shaking laugh. “Shnookums?” The black cat’s eyes narrowed, then she softened. 

“Yeah, I guess it is a pretty funny name.” Shnookums lifted a paw to her mouth, licking it then drawing it over her ear. 

“Oh, uh – my name’s Toadpaw, by the way.” Shnookums eyes lit up, looking like miniature suns – she paused her grooming. 

“You’re a clan cat,” She guessed, making her way over the fence to get closer to Toadpaw – too close, in fact – Toadpaw could feel the kittypet’s long whiskers ghost against her nose. 

“You know you shouldn’t be hanging out with clan cats.” Bandit’s voice quivered as he called from the opposite side of the fence, keeping his distance – his eyes poked through a hole. 

Shnookums stuck her paws through the hole – Bandit let out a little yelp that made Toadpaw giggle. Shnookums didn’t seem like a kittypet, but Bandit on the other hand - 

Rustling in the bushes gave all three cats pause – well, two – Bandit had run back into the house. 

“It’s him again,” Toadpaw resisted powerlessly against Shnookums, who was dragging her away by the scruff of the neck – Toadpaw tried to ask her what was going on but Shnookums just kept pushing her away. “ _You need to leave._ ” 

_Well, I guess I can’t argue anymore_ , Toadpaw thought, wrestling free of Shnookum’s grasp, kicking up grass and dirt with her heels as she turned tail. 

Shnookums looked back to Toadpaw, the bushes, and Bandit’s house – her whiskers twitched and claws flexed.

* * *

“There you are,” James barged through, those green eyes that made Shnookums shiver (but she didn’t know why) scanning over the area. His expression twisted, head pointing towards Bandit’s house. “Run off again?” Shnookums nodded, shifting her body to try and look strong and not at all scared of him. 

“Tell him to get out here,” James leaned in close to Shnookums, his blood-stinking breath hot on her fur – most likely testing if her bravado would hold. But she did not waver under his pressure. “We’re going to meet Petal.” 

Petal – James talked a lot about that cat. Seemed like they weren’t that tough, if they constantly sent him out to do their dirty work. Apparently, they wore a burlap sack on their face, for whatever reason. Scare tactic, Shnookums wondered, if your opponents don’t even know what your face looks like. 

Then there was James himself – there was something very, very unsettling about him. His blonde fur seemed to been permanently stained red (Shnookums could guess why), and there was something to his eyes that looked like they didn’t belong to him – eyes that belonged to a kitten. 

He had come to twolegplace a few days ago, stalking around the area like he was searching for something – or someone. Shnookums had thought he was a clan cat come to scope things out as they did occasionally, but that one day that would forever be a reminder of a bad decision – when he came up to Shnookums, blabbing on about Riverclan and “revenge” - he scared her, but his promises of being strong, being able to protect Bandit and her siblings, had tempted her. There was certainly something – almost ethereal and otherworldly about him. 

Bandit was hiding underneath the fence, desperately trying to stop himself from shaking, but failing oh-so hard. His teeth chattered against each other. He didn’t like that new cat that Shnookums was spending more and more time with – he stunk of rotten food and metal, something was just wrong about him. Bandit shrank further into the grass as James had spotted him. 

“Stop shivering. I won’t hurt you.” The cat’s tone had become sickeningly soft and gentle – a lie. Bandit didn’t respond, which seemed to have clicked something in James. “I’m a nice cat – I can teach you how to be strong.” 

“C’mon, Bandit. There’s no use running away like you _always do._ ” This made Bandit rise to his still shaking feet. This wasn’t like her usual playful rudeness – it seemed like she was genuinely insulting him. 

James smirked, leading the two cats away with his tail. Bandit didn’t look him or Shnookums in the eye as he walked with them. “There you go.” James said, still speaking in that faux sweet tone. Bandit’s stomach was tying itself into millions of knots. 

_I’m only doing this for you, Shnookums._

* * *

“So - this white flower is bindweed, and these roots here are burdock.” Malachi pointed to each one with his nose. Angel was to the back of him, making a face at the sharp smells that lingered in the medicine den. 

“And do you know what burdock is for?” Malachi turned to her, tail flicking over the brown roots. 

Angel’s face scrunched up in thought for a moment – then she realized, she didn’t really know what any of these herbs were for. Malachi let out an overdrawn sigh, tail curled up over his legs. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t have the time to train you,” Malachi’s voice was twinged with sympathy as he lowered his muzzle to lie in the crook of her shoulder – he was surprised how fast she was growing up, while she was no Liza in the height department - he didn’t have to look down to meet her eyes anymore. “We - Antstar and I, have just been so busy with the prophecy, and-” A warm smile stretched across Angel’s lips as she shushed Malachi. 

“Ha, don’t worry – bet all that stuff’s boring, anyway.” Malachi smiled, a genuine smile, for the first time in a while. “So,” Angel saw Christie and Liza lingering outside in the corner of her eye – she nodded at them and they took off (probably planning something bad, knowing Liza). “We’ll be heading to twolegplace soon?” 

“Only a matter of time,” Malachi went back to looking uneasy and restless again. “We have two important cats we have to meet there. We’ll probably leave sometime before leafbare comes again.” 

Angel nodded, turned to go follow her sisters, but Malachi’s worried look bored into her. “By the way,” Malachi smiled again and everything felt better. “Burdock’s for rat bites and infected paws – mostly used for rat bites.” 

“ _Good to know._ ”

* * *

“So you have come to hear my great wisdom?” The brown and white tom drew his paw over his ear, a surprisingly casual move to pull in front of Riverclan’s leader and deputy – the two cats bowed in front of this great prophet who must’ve been delivered by their very ancestors who lived among the stars. 

“Star Seeker,” The deputy lifted his head, but did not dare look the heaven-sent cat in his eyes – the starlight bathed him, creating an etheral glow among the comparatively sullen city. “We need your help.” 

Star Seeker bared his yellow fangs in a smirk. “Everyone does.” The deputy shot his leader a bemused glance for a second, but the pale cat looked completely enamored by him. “So, what’s the situation?” 

Minnowstar’s eyes were filled with pure desperation the same way they had been at the clan meeting, and his voice wavered as he spoke. “Listen to us, please – an apprentice has been killed by one of our own clanmates – and a few days later she had been killed as well -” His voice creaked and cracked, tears welling up in the corners of those big blue eyes. “ _Please tell us who did this! Tell us why Starclan has decided to curse us!_ ” The brave, patient leader he had been had disappeared. 

There was no empathy in the cat’s eyes as he spoke, even as the other before him was breaking down – though he tried to seem like he could understand his plight. “Oh, my. I’m sorry to hear that.” He tried to hide the smile forming on the creases of his lips. The cat turned his head up to the stars, and the other cats did the same – this was the ritual when Star Seeker would receive his prophecies. 

The tom closed his eyes and flicked his huge ears – then flopped down onto the ground with a _thud_. Reedripple’s eyes grew wide and he lunged forward to help the cat – but then had to remind himself that this was normal for Star Seeker. The leader and his deputy sat in uncomfortable silence as they waited for him to come to. 

With a flicker of his eyes, the tom got up to unsteady feet, his head wobbling as he spoke. “Starclan had delivered onto me a lead in your little case.” Minnowstar’s eyes held hope. “Skyclan is to blame.” Reedripple bit back an “I told you so”. Minnowstar bowed his head, unaware to the dark look in Star Seeker’s eyes. 

_I have promised you both your revenge_ , Star Seeker could barely stop himself from laughing out loud, _Riverclan shall be forced into a war that will tear them apart._

“Who in Skyclan could do such a thing?” Reedripple asked with bated breath, eyes having grown large and curious. 

“ _There were three sisters born – those with dark and hateful power – there. Scary and untrustworthy the red one, as big as a badger and gifted with claws that could strike down any foe – and a bloodthirsty heart – went off to satisfy her aching. And it just so happened that Sgaewhisper had gotten in her way.”_

Minnowstar’s claws raked against the cold concrete to the point that they had snapped – a growl rose up in his throat, tearing through the quiet air. Reedripple whole body quaked with both fear and realization – they had found the one who had killed Sagewhisper and was responsible for all their problems. 

“Thank you – oh so much.” Minnowstar pressed his nose to Star Seeker’s forehead – something that was reserved only for special ceremonies – Reedripple forced back a creeping feeling of unease. 

“May Starclan light your path and give you salvation.” The three cats exchanged bows as the Riverclan warriors turned to head home.

* * *

“ _I want to go home._ ” Bandit whined, his legs trembling as he was pushed along by the older tom. He knew, even if he wasn’t as much of the coward he was, he could never beat this cat in a fight if he had to. He was at least glad that Shnookums didn’t seem to be as scared as he was – she was looking forward with brave eyes and easy steps – Bandit wished he could be like her. 

“ _Stop. Whining._ ” The older tom cuffed him behind his ears – but it wasn’t a friendly jab like Shnookums made it – it hurt. Bandit flicked his paw over his ears – he was pretty sure the cat had scratched him and blood dripped down his forehead. 

“ _Shnookums-_ ” Bandit tried to ask his friend for help, but he was interrupted by a yowl that pierced through the air – he flattened his blood covered ears against his head like a trapped kit. They were coming closer to the source of that horrid sound – a pair of cats were locked in a fierce battle, struggling against each other and sending white and brown fur flying. 

Bandit turned to run away (coward, stay with your friend), but the older tom blocked his escape route, teeth bared in a snarl – he clearly was at his wit’s end with Bandit. Shnookums stood at his side, yellow eyes boring a hole into Bandit. 

“ _Jacob! Mitzi!_ ” The older tom yelled, and the two wrestling bodies froze immediately. They looked at Shnookums and Bandit for an uncomfortable amount on time, disgust and disappointed distorting their expression, their noses scrunched up. 

“Looks a bit soft, doesn’t he?” The dark brown tabby that must’ve been Jacob sneered at Bandit, sniffing at his fur, a bit too close for comfort. Bandit tried to muster up the courage to snap back at him, but the words stuck in his throat and all that came out were senseless, kitten-like babbles. 

“Settling for a bunch of kits, eh, James?” Mitzi, the siamese molly, was prodding at Shnookums roughly with a paw – but Shnookums did not falter nor make a sound. She just looked back at the molly with the same disdainful expression she had given her. 

James said nothing – he just kept walking ahead of the other cats, tail swishing impatiently. Mitzi and Jacob must’ve understood something that Bandit and Shnookums didn’t, as they followed him despite how ambiguous this tom cat was being. 

“We’re leaving to go meet Petal,” Jacob’s lips curled into a smirk. “Better get a clue, fatty, before we eat you for dinner.” Bandit just stood there and took the insult as Shnookums rushed to walk beside Jacob – it was if their years spent together meant nothing to her, all that mattered was these stinky alley cats. Bandit choked back a whimper as he gave up and followed them. 

“He’d be too fatty!” Mitzi laughed, shooting a second-long withering look back at Bandit. He wished he were invisible. He flicked his tail over Shnookums shoulder, but she just gave him a look that said, “not right now”. 

_When will there be a right now, Shnookums,_ Bandit mused as the clowder of cats worked their way up the road – it was beginning to ascend into a hill, now covered in the dawn’s light. 

Dawn was Bandit’s favorite time of day.

* * *

_The air in the gorge smelled of death, and it permeated through every feeling in Angel’s body and invaded her nostrils, making her gag. Dust lingered in the air like there had been a great fuss, and the faraway screams and howls and gurgles of pained cats rung through the air like the cries of eagles surrounding her. A hiss flies past her ear as two struggling bodies crash against one another, claws flying in the air – then Angel realized who it was -_

_A blood-red cat – she expected her by now, though it was odd she couldn’t see her face – and – mom. Mom was losing, her throat had most likely been slit as scarlet covered her entire chest and she wheezed, desperately holding onto the cat that was surely going to kill her. Angel tried to jump into the battle and save her mom but her feet were stuck to the floor – he looked down and saw blood pooling around her paws, forming a river of red._

_Fur flew past her face – blonde and – brown as well as black-and-white were lodged out of the fighting cats’ claws, being picked up by the wind. Angel gasped in horror as Maria’s body slumped over and her head lolled to the side at an unnatural angle, as completely covered in blood as Liza who had rolled away and was staring straight at Angel – but her face seemed to be – flickering in and out of existence._

_A cry of surrender rang out among the screeches as Angel’s nightmare started to dissipate, but Angel couldn’t say she wasn’t glad it was ending._

_The last thing she thought before it completely went away was Liza’s face, lips curled into a crazed smirk and face sticky with blood._

_Angel’s heart lurched as she realized exactly what all these nightmares had been telling her for so long – but could she do it?_

* * *

“Angel! Angel!” She must’ve fallen asleep in the medicine cat den again, as she saw Malachi staring back at her. Liza was with him too, her lips drawn into a pout. 

_A sister, or a monster_ , Angel tried to bite back that thought as she smiled weakly at the two cats. Liza let out a hushed laugh. 

“You were having a really bad nightmare,” Her plumy white tail that made her resemble her sister curled over Angel’s nose, making her sneeze. “You were screaming your head off. I had to come and get Malachi – he had gone out to go lookin’ for herbs.” 

Angel got to her feet, head still reeling. Malachi’s breath was hot her face, his blue eyes wavering. “What did you see in your nightmare? Starclan must have a message for us – you've been having so many!” 

Angel’s eyes ghosted over Liza, and her head screamed at her to kill her – but she restrained herself. She forced a plain look onto her face. “I need to go out to collect some more herbs – leafbare's going to be rough this year.” She spoke quickly as she turned to leave the den – but Malachi stopped her. 

“As Liza told you,” He turned his head towards Liza, whose weary smile was replaced with a look of unease. “I already went out to look for them – there's no way a leafbare could be that bad.” 

Angel’s fur bristled – it would be tough trying to go out by herself – Malachi knew her like he knew his paws. “It was that bad. I’m going.” Malachi’s worried look bore into her as he pushed himself in front of her, blocking the exit. 

“If you really need to go that badly – let Liza and I go with you.” She could see Liza rolling her eyes at this in the background, but she could feel the knots growing in her sister’s stomach as she could hers. 

“ _No._ ” Malachi jumped back at Angel’s snappy retort, but he softened – Angel felt a bit better over this small victory. 

“If you say so,” His tone was anxious, but he was trying to put on the façade of being calm. “Just don’t come crying to me if-” And Angel was already making her way across the gorge, heading in the direction of Shadowclan’s camp. Liza held back a whine, thinking of Flashpaw. 

The two, alone with each other now, exchanged worried glances. Angel could be a bit mysterious at times and mostly did her own thing – but this was different. They could definitely sense something was seriously, seriously wrong. 

“You don’t dream about needing herbs and screech your head off like somebody’s trying to gut you.” Liza said matter-of-factly. Malachi nodded. 

“You don’t think – because of-” Liza knew what Malachi meant, and she held her head in sorrow. 

“Should we go and follow her?” Malachi was already halfway through the medicine den – he must’ve been thinking the same thing. 

“I swear, if she does something stupid, I’ll never forgive her.” Liza cursed under her breath, following Malachi.

* * *

Most Skyclan cats didn’t know about these berries – they could kill any cat in a matter of minutes if they ate them – she had heard Shadowclan cats talking about them at the last gathering, something about using them to end an elder’s - who was suffering with a bad infection - life so he would “go peacefully”. 

Though, Angel was sure they could be used to intentionally kill someone who needed to go as well. Her conciense bit at her again, as it had been throughout her entire journey, screaming at her to think about what she was doing. 

_Killing my own kin_ , Angel thought, _but this is for the best – Starclan has given me these nightmares to tell me to do this -_

_Didn’t they?_

She fought back her hesitation as she bit the berries off of the bush, holding her tongue against the roof of her mouth as to not accidentally swallow. She nearly did when she heard the rustling of leaves, fearing a Shadowclan patrol – she froze for a moment, then softened when she figured that no one was coming. 

She continued on her journey, paws feeling as heavy as boulders as she dragged herself across the Skyclan-Shadowclan border.

* * *

“What’s those berries?” Liza whisper-shouted, ignoring Malachi’s demands for her to shush. 

“I have no idea,” Malachi had never seen those bright-red berries before – he did not talk much with the other medicine cats, so he mostly only knew what was near Skyclan’s borders. 

“You don’t think they’re poison, do you?” Malachi’s eyes grey wide – was Angel planning on – getting rid of her nightmares _that way_? 

“W-we should follow her back to camp.” Malachi said quickly, jumping out of the bushes, hearing his heart thump so hard he’d thought it would burst – it was only rivaled by the sound of Liza’s doing the same.

* * *

Liza and Malachi had stopped her by the entrance to the camp, looking as haggard as drowned rats. Angel wanted to run away but she knew it would only raise further suspicion. 

“What’cha got there?” Liza tilted her head to the side, padding in front of her sister. Angel held back a grown rising up in her throat. 

“Starclan had shown me these in my dream – they're supposed to – help calm you.” Liza and Malachi both looked unconvinced for a second – but Angel breathed a sigh of relief on the inside as they softened. 

“ _Well,_ ” Malachi stress-laughed. “I sure do need those nowadays.” He took them from Angel, but his eyes looked over to Liza. “I’m going to put these in the medicine den, if you don’t mind.” Angel stopped him, bringing her paw down on her shoulder. 

“I got them for Liza,” She tried to hide all the emotions and the different voices screaming at her in her head. “She’ll need them for the big trip coming up.” Malachi exchanged another worried glance at Liza – but she seemed to be buying it. 

“Thanks!” Liza ran up to Angel and let her nose rest in the crook of her neck and shoulder. “I know I’ve been kinda bad lately, but I know you forgive me.” Angel fought back big, blubbery tears. 

_“I pretended to be asleep that night, but I heard you say it yourself."_

_Am I really going to kill her – after all we’ve done for each other – all the times we wronged, then forgave each other?_

_Another thought, louder than that one, rang through her head – she'll kill mom – and who knows who else. You’ve seen how big she’s gotten – you can see the wild hunger, the ache for blood in her eyes._

_Your kin, or your clan? Which will it be, Angel?_


	5. hast thou considered the tetrapod?

In the in-between dusky haze of twilight that matched her thoughts, Angel stood above her sister, urging the very things that would kill her into her mouth. Liza just looked up at her, trying to guess what her sister was thinking – and saw nothing behind those icy blue eyes. 

“C’mon, eat them, for me – please.” Her voice croaked and cracked, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes - _No, she didn’t want to do this – but she had to – her clan depended on her to_ just do it already, Angel. 

Liza’s eyes turned away from her sister, not wanting to look at that cold, unfeeling face anymore. Angel tried to hide the snarl that was forming on the corners of her lips. She shoved those cursed berries further into Liza’s maw, causing the dark ginger molly to let out a horrible gag. 

Through coughs, Liza pleaded. _“Angel, what are these?”_ The fierce, stubborn-headed molly that Angel knew so much had been replaced by a sniffling kit that was shrinking into the back of the medicine den hollow, eyes filled with betrayal and fear – _for the first time, it was not Angel who feared her sister._

Angel swallowed those now useless sympathetic thoughts as she shoved the red berries down Liza’s throat – on instinct, she swallowed. The look in Liza’s eyes as she did so would haunt Angel forever. There was a moment of silence where the cats could look at each other and realize what had just happened – before Liza let out a horrible gargled howl, doubling over and clutching her belly with her paws. 

A sea of red and blood clots ran out of the dying cat’s maw, coating her white belly and the floor of the medicine den – the deed had been done – and now Liza lay beneath the sister she had trusted, breaths shallow and quickening. Angel tried to ignore her conscious screaming at her, reminding her of what she had just done. 

_Skyclan is safe now_ , Angel tried to reassure herself – but it didn’t work. With a plaintive wail, she rushed to sister’s side, paws clutching at her soft dark ginger fur. With a sob, she gave one last word to her sister. “I'm so, so sorry.” 

Then Liza completely stilled – and the world did too, for Angel. Then, her body glowed with warmth and her breath had returned, her body shaking wildly. _That’s - not possible,_ Angel’s eyes wavered, her paws shaking, _a cat can’t possibly survive being fed deathberries._

But Liza did – and then and there Angel realized just exactly what power Starclan had gifted her – she couldn’t die. Angel’s still world suddenly spun as Liza knocked her down with one paw strike. Those scintillating green eyes just looked down at her with fury. 

“ _You-_ ” Tears streaked down her cheeks. “ _You tried to kill me!_ ” He shrunk back down again and her voice became as soft as a whisper, “ _Why?_ ” 

“ _What’d I ever do to you?_ ” Those words stung Angel like a bite to her chest as she watched her sister walk away from her.

* * *

“What do you mean you’re not going?” Malachi tried to stop Liza as she charged through the gorge – ignoring him completely. He kept at her heels, even as she thrashed her tail around wildly to show that she did not want to be bothered. 

“You don’t need to know, okay?” Her fangs glinted with anger-filled green eyes as she turned to him, and then mumbled under her breath, “It’s not like Angel would want me to go anyway- she's afraid of me.” 

Malachi backed away, his ears flattened against his head. _Just what I thought._

Ever since the day she had been born – she could feel it, the scary and hateful looks the other apprentices would give her – she scoffed to herself, she thought she had been moved early because she was special – no, it was because she was a ticking time bomb, and everybody knew she could explode any minute. 

Even her mentor knew – Rosebush had never trained with her after - 

But – there was one cat who understood her – Flashpaw – she could see by the way she looked straight into her eyes without ever diverting her attention, her confident movements – she was different, like her. She liked Liza because she was strong and prideful, the things they feared. 

Liza knew where she had to go – she sprinted across the gorge, even as Malachi went after her, screaming “come back!”. They must be waking the whole clan by now. Her eyes narrowed as she passed the warrior’s den – Angel was curled up in a corner – sleeping like she hadn’t just tried to kill her own sister last night. 

Twisting through thorny branches that poked at her side (but she didn’t care) and thick fronds, she breathed in the now-nostalgic pine and marsh scent of Shadowclan. She smiled to herself as she spotted Flashpaw’s tell-tale prickled pelt dashing through the undergrowth. Hazel eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped. 

“ _Liza!_ ” The look of surprise and subtle warmth of meeting her Liza for the first time in forever was replaced with a disgusted snarl. “I thought we broke up – _you never wanted to see me again, right?_ ” 

Liza shook her head, heading towards the molly – but she backed away with a smug snort. Liza’s face hardened. Prickly as ever. “Listen - things are different now.” The molly looked confused. “ _Flashpaw, I-_ ” 

And she was hushed by a tail – the feeling on it tickled her nose and made her feel fuzzy. “It’s Flashstrike now.” Liza seemed to forget about everything, now bright with excitement. 

“You’re a warrior now,” Her eyes flashed in the way Flashstrike always loved –she smiled, some things never change. “ _Lucky for you._ ” She mumbled. 

“There has to be reason you’ve come to see me, though,” Flashstrike’s eyes had a mischevious glint to them. “Or did you just want to wax nostalgic over your old love?” Liza got flustered as Flashstrike rested her head in the crook of her neck. Liza’s hackles raised and her claws flexed – and it scared her. 

“There is – a reason. My clan, Skyclan – they're all afraid of me.” Liza hung her head low, and Flashstrike backed away, her head tilting quizzically. 

“Who would be afraid of you?” Liza fought back a growl that threated to rise up in her throat. 

“Remember the prophecy?” Flashstrike nodded slowly – but she never really cared about that stupid prophecy. “My power – I can’t die. And – I keep getting these thoughts – kill, kill, kill.” Liza’s eyes wavered in a way that went straight to Flashstrike’s heart. 

“And I'm afraid of it too. My own sister tried to kill me over it. I don’t think I can control myself, anymore.” Liza’s claws sunk deep into marshy earth, an image flashing of Flashstrike laying deathly still in the undergrowth in her mind – she tried to shake it away but it kept coming back. 

To her surprise – Flashstrike leaned into her again, and then she craned her neck to look her in the eyes. They looked fierce, like the day of their second meeting. 

“I know you aren’t a monster, Liza.” She purred, still looking into her eyes. “Listen, you don’t have to let your thoughts control you.” 

Liza tried to snap a rebuttal, but Flashstrike shushed her again with her tail. “Put your claws onto my shoulders – but don’t sink them in. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” 

Hesitantly, Liza shakily pressed her wide paws onto the molly’s shoulders – she looked so frail and small compared to her. She grimaced, screaming at herself to, whatever she did, not sink her claws into her. Flashstrike let out a laugh. 

“See?” She batted her paws playfully into Liza’s underbelly. “You’re just a big softie.” 

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of a cat crashing unsteadily into the undergrowth – Malachi. Liza fruitlessly tried to duck, even though she knew he already saw her by now. Flashstrike let out a squeal of terror – and Liza’s heart sank as she realized she must’ve unsheathed her claws by accident. 

Malachi’s eyes grew wide, then they softened. He looked the two cats up and down slowly. 

“I - uh, won’t tell if you come with me.” He sputtered out awkwardly, looking at Liza with an indescribable expression. She didn’t want to let go of Flashstrike, for some reason – but she knew this was her chance before Malachi blabbed about this to the whole clan and she’d be in even more trouble. 

Flashstrike tried to call something to Liza, but she was already slipping through the undergrowth and across the border. 

_I love you_ , Flashstrike’s tail drooped, and she felt the sting of the claw marks in her shoulders, _no matter what._

* * *

“Angel. Liza told me what you did.” Angel curled up deeper into the corner of the medicine cat’s den, not caring if she was getting covered in cobwebs and sharp-smelling herbs – she tensed as Malachi’s tail swept over her shoulders, her heart prickling with regret. 

“They told me to.” Malachi’s expression was twisted with confusion – then he realized. 

“Starclan told you to?” Angel made a pitiful squeak-sniveling noise as she nodded slowly, still refusing to show her face to her mentor. Malachi sighed, heart heavy with sympathy – but, he was confused and angry at the same time – _who would be able to kill their own sister?_

Angel thought the same too. She fought back a powerful sob that threatened to spill out – she didn’t need to seem any weaker than she already was. “In my dreams – Liza was killing everyone – over and over.” Her voice came out with the texture of dirt. 

Malachi let out a shaky breath as he sat down beside her. He kept his tail flat to the ground – she clearly didn’t want to be touched anymore. He let her speak, even as her voice cracked and sobs escaped her throat. 

“ _Liza! She’s my sister – but – that thing I saw - I couldn’t let it -_ ” She let out a plaintive wail – Malachi rushed to hold the shivering mess that was Angel, but she fought against his touch, letting out a mixture of a cry and a growl. 

“Please, Malachi! Say I'm not a monster!” But Angel knew she was, deep down her heart told her no one’s reassurance could convince her. That night replayed in her head, like her own mind was making fun of her – she could feel herself wanting to gag as the bloody mess tore through Liza’s throat again. 

Malachi pressed his head to her forehead, ignoring the warning signs of her hackles raising and her muscles contracting. “You aren’t.” He was beginning to cry, too. 

“If Starclan is-” Malachi stopped himself. Starclan must’ve been making some kind of mistake – the very cat that was prophesized to lead them to greatness was – _a monster?_

Malachi’s stomach twisted and turned into knots – he remembered just how Liza had been getting – and when she scratched Maria - 

_No_ , Malachi reprimanded himself, _she is just a child – she doesn’t know what she is doing._

“Let’s just calm down for a moment and rest,” Malachi helped the shaking, near-catatonic cat down on her feet, trying his best to soothe her – even though he didn’t know if it would work or not. “It’ll be okay.” 

_Liar_ , Angel scoffed to herself. 

He curled back down beside her for a few short moments – but he knew that he couldn’t stay with her forever, even if he wanted to. They needed to travel to twolegplace (just that morning he swore he could feel the unrelenting chill of leafbare in the air already), and he needed to talk with Starclan about this later. 

He looked back at Angel one more time, and felt his paws turn to stone as she looked at him with haunting blue eyes – like chips of ice.

* * *

The cat’s suffocated, gurling breaths made Shnookum’s head spin – she had never heard a cat that sounded like this. And – that single baby blue eye that glinted back at her made her feel like she was being manipulated by forces unknown and ancient. And their voice made her feel faint - 

“Hello,” Their voice was eerily high-pitched, like the creaking bells of those things humans would hang outside their dens that swung in the wind. “I’ve been waiting for you all.” They seemed to be quite – upset – their eye scanned the scattered group of cats. James coughed, grooming himself – quite the casual move, but it didn’t make Shnookums any less afraid of him. 

But, she knew she couldn’t let these cats see any sign of weakness from her – she looked at Bandit in the corner of her eye – he looked like he was about to throw up, limbs all shaking. She wanted to comfort him – but it was his fault he was such a coward, _wasn’t it?_

The cat, Petal was their name, began to spoke again – and all the cats fell back into their trance. “My life was ruined, by my own mother, by Riverclan. I am asking you all to help me get my just revenge.” 

A bark of approval rose up among the group – Shnookums could hear Bandit weeping through it all, though. The cat's words didn’t make sense – Shnookums had just met this cat – but she felt compelled to follow their orders all the same. 

James finally spoke up, those eyes that did not belong to him glimmering. “Star Seeker,” A brown-and-white cat stepped out from where the alleyway cast shadows, his face stretched with a smug smile. “Say hello.” James seemed – annoyed with this cat. 

Shnookums couldn’t blame him, though, this big-eared cat looked like he thought he was the center of the universe or something. His yellow-stained fangs flashed as he spoke. 

“Riverclan will fall,” His tone was theatrical, as if he saw himself higher than all of them. Shnookums snorted, eyes rolling. “The stars have granted me a vision – torn apart by three forces of the heavens – they will lose all hope and disappear into nothing but despair and whispered memories.” An ear-splitting chuckle rang echoed through the alleyway, making Shnookums flatten her ears. 

And he left as quickly as he came, “I have someone important I should be meeting with soon,” he explained in a huff, tail high in the air. Everyone was relieved to see him leave, it seemed. 

“Now,” James’s eyes grew dark in a way that made Shnookums stomach curl into itself. “We need to begin battle training.”

* * *

The whole clan seemed to be in a fuss these days. Christie didn’t like fuss – she liked it back when things were calm and Liza and Angel didn’t have this – air of anger and stress coming from them. 

She didn’t like it either when she’d walk past them and could hear their thoughts about her – they usually weren’t good thoughts, either. _What’s wrong with her_ , or, _she’s so weird._ But – Christie couldn’t find it in her heart to hate them. Everyone in the clan thought it – even Flowerstem. 

She wiggled her ears, and picked up the passing thought of Rosebush who was padding on by, fresh kill hanging from her jaw, “ _All the cats do around here is slack off, I have to do all the work_ ” she had passed her and the words that filled Christie’s brain faded. 

Oh, here comes Malachi – She always liked to pick up his thoughts (she knew it was bad to eavesdrop like this, but she couldn’t help it), they were – interesting – he usually thought about Christie and her sisters, or Antstar, or - 

_“Please, tell me what’s going to happen!”_ He seemed as frantic as the rest of them – when a cat was scared or anxious about something, their thoughts tasted like the sharp-tasting herbs that Malachi used. It was overbearing this time – it kind of made Christie’s head hurt. 

Though, it was good to have this kind of – power, too – especially when you can’t see or talk. She remembered one night, when she was much younger, she had tried to speak but all that came out were weak honks – her heart sunk – she'd never be able to tell her sisters that she loved them - 

Christie shook her head to clear it – she didn’t like being caught in a slump like that, either. She took in the herb-stinking scents of the frantic cats, twitching her whiskers – Malachi was still close – perhaps she’d follow him? 

He barely noticed her half the time; it would be way too easy. She craned her head in the direction of the vibrations his paws made as they stomped against the ground in a frenzied fuss – through the tight hollows she squeezed, feeling a strange presence stab at her heart and play around through her fur, dancing – and she could no longer feel Malachi. 

Strange voices whispered into her ears – of ancient losses and long-forgotten victories. She felt the urge to turn heel but something was edging at her to stay. _You win_ , Christie thought, _I’ll play with you some more, whoever you are-_

She had found Malachi again – and the choking sharp fear pounded through her head, her body pulsating with white-hot pain.

* * *

Malachi found himself at the gorge – but it was uncannily silent and the air was still, yet filled with pungent scents that made him gag - and cry (though he didn’t know why). The hazy vision began to clear and - 

He careened over the edge, daring to lose his balance on the ground beneath him and fall, fall, fall – his eyes grew as wide as saucers – the river that cut through the gorge was the color of blood pouring from a wound, gushing and churning and crashing angrily as though the very earth had been slashed in two by a claw. His hackles raised as he felt something ghost through his pelt, playing with it like the wind. 

The sky above was a foggy purple and red, the clouds stretched across like an infected scar upon the heather-purple. He felt the wind through his pelt again – this time tugging and pulling at it, threatening to tear it out – he let out a gasp, twisting around - 

A grey and white tom, looking haggard with age and a great loss unbeknownst to Malachi stood a foxlength away, blue eyes filled with the pain of experience – he could feel the cat’s pain sear at his flesh. Malachi couldn’t speak – luckily the cat spoke before him. 

“I am Cloudstar – leader of Skyclan before you or your kin before you were born.” Despite his tired and weary look, his voice was clear and had a distant, ancient quality to it. “What has happened before will happen again,” Suddenly, it rang through with a deep sadness. “Starclan cannot help you,” He let out a chuckle. “ _As if it ever helped me._ ” 

“What’re you saying?” Malachi knew very well what he meant – Leafstar had said it all those moons ago, “Petty revenge will spill blood, and the sky will fall from the heavens”. He couldn’t forget. 

“The river will spill out to the sea if it means it will flow.” Cloudstar continued, eyes fixated on the blood-red river that was beginning to flood the entire camp, lapping at each of the cat’s paws, hoping to take them with it soon. “Stop the flow, Malachi.” 

Malachi’s legs grew weak as the ancient cat spoke his name. “What does Riverclan have to do with us? I needed you to tell me about Liza, and Angel-” The cat let out a grunt that stopped him in his tracks. 

“They know what they are doing – it is the one missing you should worry about.” The fourth, Malachi had thought that going to twolegplace would show them, Star Seeker had said so. 

“They will come to you, I’m sure of it – but it may not be in the way you imagined.” 

And in that moment, Malachi found himself back in his own body again, at Whispering Cave. He felt eyes watching him, and he flicked his ears and tail to signal them to show themselves. 

“Angel,” Malachi guessed, but was proven wrong by the white pelt that glittered in the odd glow of the moss. “Oh, hello, Christie.” He tried to keep up a casual tone, but the shaking of his legs betrayed him. As usual, Christie said not a word in response. 

The white molly’s folded ears flicked impatiently, and Malachi tilted his head quizzically – then he realized – she wanted him to follow her. 

“Oh - You want to go to twolegplace.” Malachi shook his head – she must’ve been bored being stuck in camp all day long as she usually was – but with what Angel had done- “I’m sorry, but – we're going to be busy for a while.” He was shocked when he heard her snort. 

He padded away, an uncomfortable feeling creeping up his pelt as the white molly just – continued to stare at him, a look of knowing on her face. It’s as if she’s digging around in my skull, Malachi shivered at the thought. 

_You’re trying to hide your true feeling_ , Christie mused, _a shame I can read your mind_. With another snort, she turned to follow him. 

_I can’t run from the inevitable anymore_ , Malachi admitted to himself as he noticed Angel and Liza were in the clearing – but were far, far away from each other – and Maria was talking to Angel, with a sorrow-soaked tone.

* * *

“Minnowstar!” The pale grey cat was acting as if he was in another world, completely ignoring his deputy’s cries. “Hey!” 

The stone path was still wet with yesterday’s rain, and it made Reedripple’s movements clumsy and awkward as he raced after his leader. He was planning on talking to Star Seeker – Reedripple could laugh at himself. He had trusted that cat, but there was just – something not right about him – his expression and the way that he talked spoke to him that he thought of Riverclan as something to charm for a while with his sweet words- then toss when they had lost their use. 

The night sky was full of stars tonight. They would be meeting him soon. The battle with Skyclan was nipping at their heels. Reedripple knew he couldn’t stop Minnowstar – he was too far gone. Will you be happy, when your clan is in ruins before you because of one bad decision? 

“ _He’s not here!_ ” Minnowstar cried out, desperation in his voice. 

_What?_

Reedripple turned his head to the sky. The stars were had been swallowed up by angry-looking dark clouds, and an ominous hum rang through the air- _rain again_. The Riverclan leader had slumped down onto the ground, sobbing quietly. Reedripple rushed to his side. 

“Listen, Minnowstar – maybe this is a sign we shouldn’t fight Skyclan.” Teeth clacked with drool slobbering and wild blue eyes stared back at Reedripple with pure rage – as a snarl escaped the cats throat, a thunder clap rang through the silence. 

“ _You do not understand,_ ” Minnowstar breathed heavily, perhaps regretting the way he had snapped at him. “How much they have hurt us.” 

“And we’ll only be hurt more if we go into battle! This is suicide!” Minnowstar turned away from the brown-and-white cat, scoffing. 

“We can’t trust Star Seeker!” Reedripple continued, his voice high. 

“He has been the only one showing us any sort of sympathy. He’ll help us, Reedripple – _right?_ ” Reedripple could laugh at how far he had fallen, if it wasn’t so sad. 

“Fine, have it your way.” With that, Reedripple turned from him. 

“Wait, Reedripple!” Reedripple just kept going. “Don’t leave me here alone like this!” He didn’t stop.

* * *

“Malachi, help me out here.” Maria turned to him as soon as he had stepped out of Whispering Cave. “Angel’s crying, and she won’t talk to Liza.” Her eyes averted him, filled with an indescribable emotion. 

_“Is it true?”_

Malachi knew what she meant, but he nodded “no” anyway. Her face lit up with warmth. “I’m glad that- _anyway_ – you’re going to twolegplace tomorrow, right?” 

Malachi thought for a moment that seemed like forever, then nodded. “Yes, the girls and I are going,” Maria could tell that Malachi wasn’t exactly feeling alright. “If you’re worrying – we'll be fine.” He lied. 

“Are you sure?” She always had a way of knowing exactly what he was feeling – funnily enough, this spunky former-kittypet was like Antstar in that way. 

“Yes. ‘M fine.” He lied again. Maria didn’t seem convinced, but her face was warm, still. Christie was perched behind the entrance of the cave, tuning in on everything like she was some sort of double agent – then she squeaked as she could feel the vibrations shift - Maria looked straight up at her. 

“Don’t act like I can’t see you up there.” She laughed – there wasn’t laughter in the clan much anymore. Christie felt fuzzy, she felt home. Even Malachi chuckled, albeit one bogged down with weariness. She hopped down to join the rest of them. 

“C’mon girls, you have to get ready for your big day.” Maria nudged Angel with her muzzle. She made an indignant noise, but didn’t stir. Malachi stepped her aside with his tail. “She’s just nervous, that’s all.” He assured her, but Maria stuck by his side. 

“We have to leave. Get up.” Angel buried her head further in her paws, letting out a hiccupping sniffle. “Listen-” 

“Leave me alone.” Angel spoke for the first time in a while – a small victory in Malachi’s eyes. 

“I’m not leaving you alone.” Malachi insisted. Angel’s eyes squinted, as if trying to tell if he was really going to keep doing this until she gave in. _I can’t fight this forever_ , Angel admitted to herself. 

_Plus – this might be my one chance to have Liza forgive me (if she ever had it in her to forgive me, the sister killer)._

As Angel finally heaved herself onto uneasy feet, Malachi smiled, his face full of mirth. “ _See? That wasn’t so hard._ ” Angel made a noise, but didn’t resist as he curled his tail over her shoulders in a show of compassion. 

Liza just looked at Angel with those green eyes like a waning fire, hurt etched into her expression. Angel didn’t dare speak to her – but she didn’t have to, anyway, Malachi was going over to her now. 

“I know how you feel,” Malachi whispered into Liza’s ear – and was met with unsheathed claws to his cheek. But he never faltered in his understanding for the young molly. Even as she hissed at him, muscles flexing, threatening to repeat it – he smiled at her. Liza was taken aback. 

And having her mother look at her with those same eyes, full of hurt and love for her child, Liza broke. 

“ _I- I’m scared._ ” Malachi pouted, putting a paw behind her ear, ruffling her long red fur. “I’m scared of myself, and of her.” Her claws flexed, betraying her heart – she shook away an image of Maria and Malachi and Angel’s battered bodies on the gorge floor. 

“Angel’s- She hates herself for what she did,” Malachi turned to look at Angel, who was crying again, leaning against her mother and Christie. “Can you find it in your heart for give her?” 

“I don’t know.” Liza didn’t lie. Malachi made a satisfied noise. 

“That’s fine.” He purred, heaving Liza to her paws – no easy feat, she really was big. But Malachi pushed that thought back, she’s more scared of herself than you are of her. 

“Are you all going to go now?” Maria still had her paws wrapped around Angel, holding onto her as if she’d disappear if she ever let go. 

“Yes - I think we’re all good now. _For real this time._ ” He added in a whisper. 

“Don’t miss me too much.” Maria whispered to Angel as her child left her side.

* * *

Liza was ahead of the group by a lot. Malachi would’ve been upset if this didn’t mean that she was already getting some of her spunk back. “Where’s this guy supposed to be, anyway?” 

“By the old church.” When Malachi said it, they all stopped. Is Missy even alive, still? Do they remember their mother at all? 

Angel’s expression gave his heart a jump. She looked distant – like she was trying to recall something she had forgotten so, so long ago. Christie flicked her ears and tail, the sharp-taste of anxiety flooding her. 

“Mikey told us we shouldn’t talk to him, though.” Angel said, matter-of-factly. 

“He’s old,” Liza snorted, a hushed chuckle escaping her. “He’s probably just jealous this Star Seeker’s prettier than him.” They all laughed, then. 

The night sky was clear and full of stars tonight, they appeared to be absolutely beaming, even – the white glow shone on their pelts, creating an almost ethereal scene. The group turned their heads, a lithe dark shape hopped down from the rooftop – scaring a few crows in the process, their caws creating an ominous symphony. 

“I see you’ve been waiting for me.” Malachi flicked his ears – there was something off about this cat – danger was spelled out in those squinted hazel eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you, too.” 

Angel and Liza exchanged puzzled glances as Malachi dipped his muzzle into the brown-and-white cat’s - a sacred show of upmost respect. “Come to see the fourth, I presume?” He hung on every word, hissing like an adder waiting for the right moment to strike. 

Star Seeker drew his tail over his paws, a smirk forming across his face. Malachi winced at the cat's hot breath on his face as he – laughed? Was he laughing? He drew his face to the stars, pelt covered in a white glow. “The fourth, born of one familiar yet distant – a pure heart and luscious voice understood by few – is closer than you think.” 

With that, a small light brown cat appeared from behind Star Seeker like magic. The group let out a gasp. Malachi’s face lit up – the moons of worrying and wondering seemed to melt off of him in that moment. 

“He’s one of Missy’s kits, isn’t he?” Malachi beamed up at Star Seeker – who seemed completely disinterested. 

“Yup,” He didn’t know who Missy was, but he knew that cat who had lived in the church before him. “Gave birth a couple of moons ago – seven to be exact.” 

“Is - is Missy still here? Can I go see her?” The sisters all shifted on their paws in awkward movements. Star Seeker must’ve figured out who they were at this point – his face softened. 

“She,” He flicked his ears back-and-forth-and-forth rapidly, as if thinking hard. “She left a moon ago, the humans too. Church’s abandoned, now.” 

Malachi tried to not look too disappointed, he murmured a “thank you”, turning to the cat he could’ve thought he was searching for his entire life – this wasn’t the time to get all depressed. 

The little brown cat seemed shaken up, his hackles raised and his green eyes huge with uncertainty and fear. He shrunk when Malachi went near him. 

“Um,” The cat mewled, his paws shaking, his voice small and pitiful. “You’re clan cats, aren’t you?” 

Malachi nodded; his face full of mirth. “Yes,” He lifted a paw to comfort the cat, but retracted – the poor thing was really wigged out – a knot formed in Malachi’s stomach, but he didn’t know why. “We’re from Skyclan, it’s not far from here.” 

Christie tensed, sensing thoughts of “let’s get this over with, now” from Star Seeker, tasting the sickly-sweet of tense feelings in the air. She nudged Angel, and although he didn’t budge, she knew she was thinking the same things she was. 

Malachi laughed, noticing Star Seeker was still there. “Ha, thanks for this. You honestly could be a medicine cat-” Star Seeker’s usual smirk was gone, and that made him shut up. 

“Well, we’ll be going back home now.” Malachi laughed nervously, trying to drag the shaking brown lump along with the rest of them. 

“By the way,” Malachi stopped, and stared back at Star Seeker with curious eyes. “What’s his name?” 

“Toast. The street cats here named him that.” He was desperately trying to hide the snarl forming on his face. 

It was too late when Malachi realized Christie wasn’t with him.

* * *

 _I know exactly what you’re up to,_ Christie was thankful for the many places to hide here, compared to the gorge, _and don’t think me as stupid._

His sweet-talking, conniving thoughts filled her brain and gave her a certain rush. She snorted, sensing someone else was here as well. She’d have to wait get him alone again – but this would be some juicy information, too. 

And here they came, their thoughts prickly with anxiety and sweet with tension. She could smell the river on them. She didn’t like that smell at all. 

There was only two or three of them, she could tell that much. One with a voice like splintering ice spoke first, weary with age. 

“Oh, Star Seeker,” She could taste the sourness of Star Seeker’s glee. “We are forever grateful for your help.” 

The tom laughed in his usual snide way, and Christie resisted the urge to claw his ears off. “Why, thank you.” She didn’t understand why these cats couldn’t realize they were being tricked. 

Another spoke, a young warrior with a voice like trickling droplets. “Darkwater of Riverclan,” He introduced himself. “We just need one more little thing – “ The other Riverclan cat tried to blabber out something, but Darkwater stopped him. 

“We need to decide on the day – the day the attack Skyclan, that is.” Christie could scream – why attack Skyclan? We have done nothing to you! 

Star Seeker laughed again, and Christie wished she could never hear that noise again. “Tonight - tension is high, and blood is spilling blood – they will be crushed if you strike at the right moment.” 

The one with the splintering-ice voice let out a sudden wail that startled Christie – and just like that, they were gone. Christie was shaking now, but she marched on, following the noises of skidding claws. 

_Please, let me be on time!_


	6. damn these vampires

“Again.” Bandit lost track of how many times he had heard that word. It dragged down his mind and made him feel weak and heavy, and the sting of his still-bleeding wounds made it feel all too real – though he wished this was all a dream and he was back home, air smelling of sweet grass and smoky and warm with the scent of the human’s food, playing with Shnookums – but here he was, the black cat’s claws battering at him until he felt he could faint. 

“You could at least _try_.” Venom, was Mitzi’s voice as she berated him. _“You’re not the one getting beat up,”_ he wanted to spit in her face, but he knew he was too much of a coward. He could hear Jacob’s wheezed laughter as he sat at the sidelines, watching what were essentially children fighting to the death – for Petal and James’ approval. 

“Fight back, idiot.” Jacob sang, lobbing human garbage at his face, and the tears started streaming. “I just want to go home”, Bandit whined, feeling small and worthless. “I just want to go home”, was his mantra as he finally gave up and let his aching body fall to the floor – it was slick with rain and grease and it had something in it that made his body shake with painful throes, but it was better than standing and letting yourself get hit like that. 

“ _Get up._ ” Shnookums slammed a paw into his belly – he wanted to scream “It hurts!” but he knew he already looked weak – her words came out blunt and rough, but Bandit could swear there was a sadness behind her eyes as she hit him again, over and over again. 

“Get up.” She repeated, but he didn’t even make an effort to. It was only when James put himself between him that he started to move his legs, even though they felt locked up under him – his eyes grew wide with fear as the huge tom turned to Shnookums. 

“It’s not her fault.” Shnookums looked as brave as ever, looking up into the green eyes of that tom like he was nothing to her – it seemed he didn’t get the reaction out of her that he wanted, so he turned to Bandit. Bandit’s heart hit the floor – those kitten-soft eyes were filled with a rage that Bandit had never seen in any cat before. 

“You don’t just sit down and take it – _coward_. You fight back – you fight with all your might.” Those words would’ve been motivational, even, if they had come from anyone else. Bandit flinched, from fear mostly, but he also felt like the tom was talking from past experience. He could only babble out half-hearted apologies as his scruff was taken in the jaws of the larger blonde. 

He was dragged away from the group – Shnookums tried to follow him, but Jacob and Mitzi held her back (even brave, strong her couldn’t fight two cats at once) - and was placed down, almost gently – and then James set a wide paw down on his head as if he was planning on crushing it. “It’s a sad thing that youth is wasted on those who don’t know how much it means.” 

He was about to blurt out how he didn’t understand what James was saying before the paw was dragged down to his jaw, angling and ready to strike. 

It happened in a flash – Bandit couldn’t even tell if it was him screaming or someone else, all he could feel was the searing pain and the creaking of his bones as it was twisted back in an unnatural way and that something was terribly wrong. He blacked out from the shock, entire face numb, and all he saw in the last bits of his vision was James walking away.

* * *

It was quiet and slow for the first time in a while in Skyclan, when they had returned from twolegplace, looking worse for wear – when the first noise rung out, a cheer spread out through the camp, and Angel had to practically hold her claws to the ground to stop from being tumbled head-over-heels by her mother, who was oh-so-glad to see her – she was surprised that even Rosebush had gone out to greet Liza (albeit with eyes that did not meet the others), she couldn’t help but smile. 

“Angel-” Maria stopped, her expression turned grave and she looked around worriedly as if she had dropped her fresh-kill. “Where’s Christie?” She couldn’t believe she had forgot. 

“She just got a little tripped up back there – uh, she’ll be back soon, promise.” She looked from Maria, to Malachi, and their eyes told her they did not believe her – she shrunk, trying to force out a laugh to ease the heavy air. 

The tension waned a bit as Antstar and Stagheart came strolling by, smiles stretched across their lips – a rare expression for the two of them. Stagheart whispered something into Antstar’s ear that made the dark ginger shove the other’s shoulder. 

“Ah,” The leader pressed his nose to Malachi’s shoulder, a move that made him tense – and he turned to the quivering brown mess next to the medicine cat. “I’m glad you’re back,” He ruffled the brown kit’s fur with a paw - he squeaked and ran to Liza’s side, ushering a laugh from the quickly-gathering group of cats. “And you too. We’ve been waiting a long time for you.” Toast looked confused and scared with all these cats surrounding him, but Angel couldn’t blame him. 

_“Now all we need is to know what his power is,”_ Angel mused, staring at the scrawny kit. _“Maybe he doesn’t look like much now, but-”_

“We were going to plan a party for you all,” A wiry brown tom relaxed alongside a scarred grey one in the shimmering sun spots that scattered throughout the camp thanks to the hazy cloud coverage, absentmindedly licking his leg – a scarred and angry-looking mess of a limb. “But you got back late, _so-_ ” 

Angel cringed – His name was Henry, as she had been told by Antstar – he had gone with their leader and a couple of Windclan and Thunderclan warriors many moons ago, “to rebuild Skyclan from Leafstar and Hawkwing’s sudden deaths”, as the story went. A group of rogues, calling themselves the Brethren (or was it the Brotherhood?) got caught in a nasty fight with the group, allying themselves with Riverclan (probably over something petty, Angel could guess) - 

The fight was nasty and bloody, and both sides raged with a fierceness that made Angel quake whenever she asked him to tell the story again – in the heat of it, when it seemed the rogues were losing their bravado – the noise and smells of it must’ve aroused some dogs that were going to be released from their kennels – and they charged, teeth snapping and drool flying in the air and the howls – Angel had to catch her breath, enthralled in that story again – Henry was lucky, he had come out with nothing more than a broken leg, but T-bone - 

The grey tom had survived being thrown up against a wall by those savage hounds, what must’ve seemed like a miracle then – but T-bone was never the same after that, they said – he could barely take care of himself; they had thought of just ending his misery before they sent him to the elder’s den. It was then Henry didn’t want to let his friend live the rest of his life scared and alone, wasting away – he could’ve probably gone on to be a normal warrior even with his leg, but he moved so he could be with him. 

_“I wonder,”_ Angel looked at Liza, who was chatting it up with some of the new apprentices, _“would I do the same for her? Would she do the same for me?”_

Then Angel realized the day Maria had come to her in the apprentices’ den and told her the rest of the story – it was a brown and white cat, with mean eyes of hazel and a sly grin, leading those rogues, he said – a former Riverclan warrior who wanted to prove to the clans that “Starclan doesn’t need them to exist” - 

_Star Seeker. It was Star Seeker leading them._

Then the second noise came, a droning howling – a warning signal that came from the top of the gorge. Henry stopped, his eyes wide and far-away. Antstar immediately tensed, his hackles raising, ushering silent commands to Stagheart and Malachi. The leader ran to the Skyrock to get a better look. 

“Get Owlpaw and Halfpaw somewhere safe,” Stagheart turned to Malachi, and the cream tom rushed right away with the two apprentices at his heels. “I’ll protect Henry and T-bone.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” Henry retorted, but his voice was still quiet from the shock. But Stagheart seemed to not be listening to him as he held fast by the elders’ sides. 

“Wh-what’s going on?” Liza tried to ask among the now buzzing group of cats, but was brushed off as flashes of fur stampeded past her, as if she wasn’t even there. “ _Can anyone tell me what’s going on?_ ” She raised her voice, but Angel could still tell she was scared by the way she quavered. 

“Someone’s attacking.” Malachi seemed as confused as she was, tail flicking wildly. 

“Riverclan. That howling noise? That’s their “go” signal.” Stagheart added curtly, but every other cat could tell he was as nervous as they were. 

A pained yowl rang out, and that was the cue that it had begun. Stagheart stumbled on his feet as Henry barreled out in front of him, claws unsheathed – a far cry from the usual placid old Henry. Stagheart tried to give chase after him, but he gave up, muttering curses as he disappeared over the dirt clouds that were being kicked up by their scattering and rushing clanmates. 

“Don’t just stand there.” Rosebush hissed in Angel and Liza’s faces, and they both snapped out of the collective trance they were in. Liza looked at her sister with those green eyes of fire, and with that she knew. 

_“I’m not as strong as you are, sister,”_ Angel thought as she ran beside Liza, catching the heels of a ginger-and-white Riverclan warrior – and she cringed as they let out a blood-curdling wail as they were knocked to the hard, earthy floor. _“But I’ll fight for you, even if you still hate me.”_

A symphony of hissing and growling and spitting came as Liza was ambushed by a group of three, no four, Riverclan cats. Angel felt searing-hot rage as she heard the angered cries of them as they all beat Liza into the ground. The other cat must’ve been a distraction. 

“Murderer!”, and “Take that, you beast.” 

_If anyone’s the murderer, it’s me – she's just – she's just trying her best to be her._

Angel let all of the pent-up fear, anger, and self-loathing into her paws as she tore through a black-and-white molly whose fur color made Angel tense (but she couldn’t remember why), feeling a bit better as they crumpled pitifully under her. 

“You all cursed us. This is just Starclan enacting their just dues.” Angel didn’t understand what this molly was trying to say – and that must’ve given her time to roll out from Angel’s grip. The Riverclan warrior turned to face Liza, but she didn’t attack, even as her friends had turned tail. 

“I am Carpshine of Riverclan. You might know my daughter, Sagewhisper, well.” The molly suddenly pushed her face in Liza’s, breathing heavily and eyes filled with pain. _“You killed her after all.”_

Liza said nothing in response as she slammed into Carpshine, sending her careening over the edge, where nothing but the churning river (it was livelier than usual today) awaited her – even if Riverclan knew how to swim, falling from that height was a death sentence. 

“She said she knew you?” Angel turned to Liza, who was desperately trying to catch her breath – she had just taken another cat’s life, after all – but Liza was still silent. She noticed that she wasn’t bleeding at all, even when four cats had basically tried to shred her to bits. 

Another figure jumped out of the darkness, and Angel braced herself for a fight – but softened as she realized just who it was – Christie. 

_“I take it I was too late,”_ Christie thought as she looked back and forth at her sisters. 

Angel was glad, but she knew this wasn’t the time for sweet reunions. “We were worried about you.” Was all she said before she leaped back down to join the others. 

The scene down there was something to behold – it was a full-fledged brawl now, with fur flying in the air and hateful remarks as well – Malachi and Seedshade (Owlpaw’s mother) were desperately trying to hold off a dark-grey warrior and a dark-brown one from trying to get to the younger apprentices. Flowerstem and another Skyclan warrior Angel wasn’t too familiar with were being ganged up on by at least three Riverclan warriors. 

Angel couldn’t wrap her head around why the Riverclan cats were being so brutal. She looked up to the Skyrock – Antstar and Minnowstar looked like they were in a heated debate, one that was about to turn deadly. She picked up passing conversation from the both of them - 

“This is unnecessary, Minnowstar, call off your warriors.” Always the pacificist, Antstar looked like he really didn’t want to fight – but it wasn’t like he had much of a choice. 

“Do you not remember when you fought us, all those moons ago? Do loners like you really have that poor of a memory?” Minnowstar did not sound like the kind, brave leader Angel had seen at the gathering that day. “Those kits are a bad omen; we’ll be doing us all a favor by killing them.” 

For the first time, Angel was seeing Antstar when he was absolutely angry. “ _Did Star Seeker tell you that?_ ” 

“He is more trustworthy than any one of your warriors.” Minnowstar was poised to strike, but a brown-and-white cat had shoved himself between the arguing leaders. 

“ _Reedripple._ ” Antstar and Minnowstar said in unison. 

“Reedripple, what’re you doing here?” Minnowstar sounded like he was about to break down. 

“It’s over Minnowstar,” Reedripple flicked his tail in the direction of the bloodshed down below. “I’m not letting you get us all killed _over this._ ” The leader seemed to cower in front of this cat. “This was a mistake, and you _know it._ Call it off.” 

Suddenly, Minnowstar lurched forward – ready to defend his decision (though Angel could sense in his eyes he knew it himself) – but Antstar jumped up, pushing Minnowstar over in a mess of limbs. Reedripple seemed surprised, but appreciated the Skyclan leader’s help nonetheless. A wordless agreement was made between them. 

The two standing cats held their heads to the sky – the moon was covered in clouds. They walked beside each other, staring down at the cats below. 

The Skyclan camp went silent, staring up in awe at the sight – the deputy of one clan and the leader of another were acting in unison, even as their clans threatened to kill one another. 

“Cats of Skyclan, of Riverclan – heed.” Reedripple’s pelt was suddenly blanketed in starlight. “My clanmates and I will retreat – Antstar and his can hold whatever animosity they want, but know that this was the choice of Minnowstar.” 

_“Is he already declaring himself leader?”_ Angel thought. 

Antstar gave an exasperated look, but seemed to let Reedripple have this. “Go, and don’t you dare show you nor your clanmates faces here ever again.” 

Reedripple gave the Skyclan leader a look of, _“sure”_ , but said nothing as he led his battered and bruised clanmates with him. 

The camp was now eerily still. Antstar and the rest of Skyclan didn’t seem to know what to do with themselves. Angel’s heart sunk as she picked up distant sobs coming from upwind. 

“Don’t leave me.” It was Henry. He was standing above the unmoving body of T-bone. “Get up.” Malachi was comforting him, wrapping his tail around his shoulders. 

“He’s fought hard all his life – it's time for him to rest.” 

Angel forced a smile as Liza and Christie ran up to her. She was surprised when Liza let her head rest in her shoulders. 

_“At least it’s over, right?”_

Angel nodded. 

But she knew that this probably was just the beginning of Skyclan’s troubles.

* * *

Bandit’s entire face was ringing with a dull pain. He groaned as the soft light he was basking in (more like being forced to lay down in) was turned into a shadow. He strained his eyes to see who it was – Shnookums. 

“It hurts.” He knew he sounded like a whiny kit, but the words just forced themselves out like that. “Where’s James and Petal?” He looked around – it was a lot quieter around here than usual. 

“They went to go talk with Star Seeker.” Shnookums’ eyes scanned him up and down, almost as if she was disgusted with him. “Get up. There’s no sense sitting in dirt, pitying yourself like that.” 

Bandit looked to Shnookums, then to the filthy water he was laying in, then up to the dawn sky – he heard birds that chirped, and reminded him of home. That’s where they should be, not here. He forced himself to lift his head, ignoring the now searing pain. 

He realized, Shnookums looked like a completely different cat from back then – her eyes’ fierce shine now had an uncanny feel to them, as if the atmosphere here had poisoned them. She used to laugh, to smile, but now she always looked worried about something. 

“I’m going to run away,” Bandit managed to stand on shaking legs, breathing heavily through the pain. “I can’t live like – this anymore.” 

For a second, Shnookums eyes had gained back the fierce, yet playful shine they once had. “Then I’ll chase you.” 

And they were both off, running free like they were kits again. - 

_“Try and catch me, Shnookums!”_

* * *

The rest of Riverclan hadn’t returned yet – Shimmerspot was all alone. He let out a drawn-out sigh. 

Clear nights like this reminded him of the time when he and Troutpaw would watch the stars, trying to figure out, “now who could that one be?” 

_“Pa, is mama up there too?” Troutpaw looked up at his father with wide, curious eyes and a smile. Shimmerspot couldn’t help but smile back._

_“Yes. Yes, she is.” Shimmerspot hesitated- no, she wasn’t. She had left them both almost as soon as Troutpaw had been born –_ a memory melted into another. 

_“Keep the damned kit.” Hollysong spat into Shimmerspot’s face as their newborn wailed on in the background. She tried to storm past him, but he blocked the entrance to the nursery._

_“He is our child,” Shimmerspot’s voice wavered – he shook violently. “You have to take care of him – for us.”_

_Hollysong snorted, not meeting Shimmerspot’s eyes. “I don’t have to take care of anyone – I spent three grueling moons of my life hauling your invalid brother over here for him to die, so why should I waste my time with him?”_

_Shimmerspot’s heart was shattered, but he didn’t have it in him to feel angry at Hollysong – she was just being, difficult, he always told himself. “She’ll come around, eventually”, he lied to himself._

And with that, she had left – and never came back. The memory of Troutpaw did, though. 

_“So, one day you and me are gonna be up there too?” Troutpaw’s eyes were still shining even then. Shimmerspot took pause for a moment, saddened knowing what would happen later._

_“Let’s just hope that will be a long, long, time for now.” He tussled up his son’s blonde fur with his paw. Looking at him – he really did look like his uncle, with those wide green eyes that always seemed to be smiling, how he always came to his father with so many questions, his bright smile – it honestly felt like he was still beside him, sometimes._

_“Hi, Branchstep!” Troutpaw jumped up and down – Shimmerspot hadn’t even noticed she was there – had she been there the entire time?_

_Branchstep just looked at Troutpaw with bemusement – but Shimmerspot could sense a sadness in her eyes, too. She turned to Shimmerspot, as if to say something to him, but walked back into the medicine den, pushing the reeds beside her._

_Branchstep was the one who had advised him to tell Troutpaw his mother was dead - “It’ll be better for him, that way” she had said. Shimmerspot knew that was the best thing he could do for his son, but – it just felt wrong to act as if his mate had never existed._

_Hollysong, he wondered, do you still think about me – like I think about you, when the nights are hard and lonely and you can’t sleep?_

_Shimmerspot turned his head to look back at his son, trying to push all that aside him – what he needed to worry about now was him, he was all he had left, after all. But, his son’s face, it was -_

_Bashed in, it was impossible to tell if the kit even had a face, except for those green eyes staring back at him, asking for his help. “Papa,” Troutpaw tried to embrace his father, but Shimmerspot was too paralyzed with fear to respond. “It hurts, save me.”_

_“Troutpaw-” Shimmerspot staggered back, feeling like he was about to cry._

_“She didn’t have to keep hitting me, over, and over. I said I was sorry. I only wanted to look.”_

Shimmerspot was brought back from his memories when he heard the rustling of the reeds behind him. He expected to find the rest of Riverclan coming back with the fight with Skyclan, but what he saw instead, made him freeze. 

He thought it might’ve been Troutpaw – but he knew it couldn’t be. But with those big, green eyes and that blonde pelt, the cat might as well have been his son’s double. The cat looked as if he had been running all night, and his pelt was stained red with what he could only guess was blood. His eyes were cold, but Shimmerspot strangely felt no fear. 

“Who are you?” Shimmerspot called out. The cat came closer, and Shimmerspot realized – it was really Troutpaw, wasn’t it? 

“Come to visit your father?” Shimmerspot thought. To Shimmerspot’s surprise, the cat leaned into him, and the coldness melted away from the cat’s eyes and was replaced with a sadness and longing. 

“Papa,” Their voice was barely a whisper, quiet and high-pitched like Troutpaw’s was, and they let out a heavy sigh like they had been waiting for this moment forever. “I missed you.” And with that, they both let out sobs. 

“You were my world, Troutpaw.” Shimmerspot sniffled, and held this spirit tighter. “Don’t ever forget how much you mean to your father.” 

Suddenly, Shimmerspot looked up and saw that this spirit’s eyes had grown cold again, and even his face seemed to shift from Troutpaw’s wide, fat face, into that of a grown-up cat’s. “I’m James,” 

That was his brother’s name. Had Troutpaw really idolized him so much, the uncle he never even got to meet? 

“You must have me confused for someone else.” I think we’re both confused, Shimmerspot thought – this cat really did look exactly like his son (albeit older), and yet - 

“So, you’re not him, you’re not Troutpaw?” The spirit seemed to shift again, looking like he was at a crossroads between his son, his brother, and this new cat Shimmerspot didn’t know yet. 

“You want to know what happened,” James guessed. Shimmerspot nodded, uncomfortable. 

“When she killed me, I was so angry that I stayed in this world for just a second, and I saw everybody; I saw uncle James, too.” It was odd, hearing this grown-up cat talking like a kit. “Starclan gave me another chance, to live as the warrior I was meant to be. I’m so happy.” 

Shimmerspot didn’t know what to say. 

“Petalkit is all grown up now, and we both love each other.” Shimmerspot remembered, seeing that kit that they had dragged in all those moons ago – he thought Sagewhisper had killed her too to shut her up, but now he knew that wasn’t the case. 

“What’re you going to do now?” Shimmerspot asked on impulse. “If I told everybody that my son came back to life, then I don’t know what they’d do. Probably think I’m crazy.” Shimmerspot thought. 

“I am going to destroy Riverclan for what they’ve done to me – what they’ve done to you, what they’ve done to Petalkit.” He sounded like a scared kit, lashing out at the people who he thought had hurt him. Minnowstar was doing some terrible things, some things he’d probably never be able to go back from, yes, but _destroying your entire clan?_   
He realized – it wasn’t anyone from Skyclan who had killed Sagewhisper, it was his _son_. 

Before he could get further answers, James had turned tail and left, like he had been called by something.

* * *

Toadcroak let out a heavy sigh. Her bones ached from all the fighting, and everyone seemed to be in a fuss – she didn’t know if they’d even have a Riverclan to go back to, after all this – Minnowstar had gone nuts, and Carpshine and Hickoryheart and Wolfcry were dead – _their best warriors._

She thought of that large, ginger molly who had raged through her clanmates, tearing through them like they were nothing but prey to be killed for the clan – that kind of power excited her and scared her at the same time. 

“I know this sucks,” Pikejaw drew his tail over his daughter’s shoulders. “But I think thing's ‘ll get better. They just have to.” 

Toadcroak was just about to nag on her father about how sentimental he was being, when they heard a wild splashing coming from upwind. “But we all went to the battle.” Toadcroak rushed to where to noise was coming from, ignoring the demands of her father to stay put. “Well, except for Shimmerspot – poor Shimmerspot, all alone like that.” 

She screeched to a halt at the lake’s bank – a cat was struggling against the current, nothing but a wet black shape amongst the churning water. Not thinking, she reached out her paws to give them something to grab onto. 

“What’re you- _oh._ ” Without hesitation, Pikejaw leapt into the water to fetch the drowning cat – this felt like a repeat when they had rescued Petalkit. He didn’t even flinch when the cat, in its desperation, caught their claws on his ear. “Calm down, we’re trying to help.” He said through a mouthful of the cat’s scruff. 

Toadcroak felt like she was of little help – Pikejaw had managed to haul the cat over the bank by himself. He nodded at her and she knew what to do – she gingerly pressed down on the cat’s stomach, forcing out any water that might’ve gotten into their lungs. 

With a hacking cough, the cat sputtered out something she couldn’t fully understand. “I couldn’t catch him,” they could barely stand, but seemed insistent on dragging themselves by their front legs – whatever they were trying to reach, Toadcroak didn’t know. 

“I couldn’t catch him.” They repeated, voice hoarse. Toadcroak looked back at Pikejaw with a puzzled look on her face. She glanced at the cat – they looked – familiar. 

“Their brain’s probably all shaken up,” Pikejaw grabbed the cat by their scruff again – something they clearly weren’t too happy about - “Let’s take them back to camp, before the others see.”

* * *

Bandit’s face felt numb when he had finally gotten up – somehow, he had managed to get away from Shnookums – but now he didn’t know where he was – he found himself laying in a prickly bush, with the cold air freezing him down to the bone. The air smelt earthy and clear, a nice change from the smog that seemed to be everywhere in twolegplace. 

He realized immediately that something was deeply wrong when he couldn’t move his jaw. Even clenching it just a bit could make him double over in excruciating pain. There was a puddle of stagnant water by his side – and even though he knew he shouldn’t, twisted curiosity came over him. 

What was staring back at him – this must’ve been a dream – this wasn’t himself. His jaw was twisted back in an unnatural way, reaching up to the corners of his eyes it had been broken so bad. The sides of his muzzle must’ve gotten infected – an angry-looking rash formed where his mouth met it. Drool dribbled down his chin. He looked like a _disgusting freak._

_You’ve won, James. You’ve taken my one last happiness – first you take my friend, then you ruin my body._ He sat there, and it was then he started to sob quietly. 

He was jolted out of his freak-out by the sound of rushing paws – and then he was knocked over in a mess of flailing limbs – and was met face-to-face with a light brown tom with the largest eyes he had ever seen. 

“ _Watch it!_ ” He hissed, letting all his anger out – but he softened, noticing ho he must’ve scared the other tom by the look in those big, green eyes. “Uhm, shorry, you shcared me, thass arl.” He clamped his mouth shut, from both the pain and the fact that he could barely understand himself. 

“You talk funny.” The other tom said, matter-of-factly, as he drew a paw over his ear. “ _Oh, wait-_ ” The tom’s eyes narrowed, staring Bandit up and down – Bandit shrank, the way he looked at him reminded him of the way they’d all stare at him. “What happened to your jaw?” 

Bandit hesitated. “It’sh nuttin’. Nuttin’ you havshe to worry about.” The tom didn’t seem satisfied by that answer, but he said nothing about it. 

“What’re you doing out heresh, an’way?” The other tom didn’t look like the clan cats, or the street cats, for one thing – he had a glossy pelt, and his eyes shone with a certain innocence to them. Bandit cringed – it reminded him of himself, in a way. 

“ _Where do I start?_ ” With that, the tom let out a short sigh. “Oh, my name’s Toast, by the way, what’s yours?” Toast added in a quiet voice. 

“Bandit. It’sh Bandit.” Toast nodded – Bandit flicked his ears, embarrassed – it seemed that this tom was already getting friendly with him. It kind of scared him. 

“ _Well_ , it all started when this weird cat kept telling me that I was part of some big prophecy - I'd have to go back to my sisters. My mom and Harry – her human – had to leave me behind after a while, so I guess they’re my... half-sisters?” Wow, this cat really could keep going and going – but Bandit found his interesting to listen to him all the same. 

“So, my sisters, I’m gonna assume they’re my sisters, and some random cat come up to me and take me here – I think it’s called Skyclan? Anyway, I come here, and apparently, I have special powers? I couldn’t care less about a prophecy – but having powers would be pretty cool.” Then, Toast suddenly whipped around, seeing someone or something Bandit did not. 

“What’re you doing out here alone? It’s dangerous.” Bandit finally saw him – he could’ve been Toast’s father, with fur the same color – and eyes, too (though, compared to Toast’s, they looked much more squinted and tired. “We can’t lose another warrior – especially someone as important as you.” 

Bandit froze as the cat’s eyes locked with his. “That looks pretty nasty – Malachi might have to see to it.” The cat limped over to him, sniffing at his jaw – he tried to back away, but the cat kept coming closer. “ _Well, Stagheart might not like it, but,_ ” 

The cat paused. “You’re a kittypet,” He messed with Bandit’s collar, tugging at it. “I’m surprised you’d go all the way out here.” The cat commented casually, now stepping back. Toast followed him as they leapt over rocks that had gathered in the path – they must’ve fallen there from a landslide a long time ago. 

There was an awkward silence. The cat’s tail was swishing wildly. 

“ _You’re coming, aren’t you?_ ” The cat had a hint of annoyance in his voice. Bandit flicked his ears, feeling white-hot embarrassment prickle his pelt as he followed these strange cats.

* * *

_Christie had enough._ She stamped through the twolegplace, her paws sinking into the new snow – it chilled her to the bone, but she kept going – her determination and seething rage must’ve given her the warmth of a forest fire in her heart. 

She’d kill him herself if she had to – but she knew there were a few things that weren’t adding up – sending Riverclan to attack, for one thing, then there was that cat he had sent them, claiming him to be the missing cat of the prophecy – things she’d get from the cat himself, if she had the patience. 

She fought back the image of him, crumpled pitifully under her paws, his throat in her maw, as she felt him standing there in front of her – she could smell that he was alone. 

She would have to buddy up to him, even though the thought made her sick to her stomach – but it was the only way. She swallowed a growl as he approached her – her mind clouded with sickeningly sweet, mixed with sour. 

“Ah, I thought I recognized you.” A new flavor, a new scent clouded her mind – it was floral like how Malachi smelt sometimes after coming back from getting herbs – it made her disgusted here now, though. “Have you come to learn more about the prophecy?” 

She put on a façade of being demure, it was hard without words, but she could tell Star Seeker seemed to be convinced. She tucked her tail between her legs and fidgeted with her paws. 

“Oh, is it something else?” She fought back the urge to gag. “Did our meeting a few days ago spark something within you? _Oh, you’re so cute._ ” He pressed a paw to her cheek, slowly sliding it down – her stomach was tying itself into knots, but she knew dealing with this creep would be for the benefit of everyone. 

She kept her claws unsheathed, though, as she followed him down the snow-covered hill – down to a place that held the distinct smell of garbage and something rotting – she scrunched up her nose, both from the disgusting smell and this disgusting cat. “Wait right here, okay?” He called to her, and she lost track of him – but she didn’t need eyes to see. 

She tilted her head and flicked her ears, and caught the beginnings of a conversation. A cat with the voice of wind, with breaths ragged and gurgling, spoke first. “I take it this isn’t over.” She could feel the heat of their rage and the prickliness of their anxiety. 

“I told you we shouldn’t ‘ve trusted him.” Another spoke, this one with an eerily high-pitched voice, almost like a kitten’s. 

Star Seeker interrupted him – she could laugh, finally sensing fear from this self-righteous cat. “ _No_ \- they might’ve won this battle, but they’ll lose the war – they'll fall from the fighting from the inside.” 

Star Seeker’s smugness returned in full force. “ _By the way_ – there's something the stars told me about you, Petal.” Petal seemed to be intrigued. 

“You’re a special cat, Petal – I’ve been watching you since you were born – Sagewhisper is not your mother, Riverclan stole you from your birth mother. You have great power, gifted from the very stars.” 

Petal let out a chuffing sound – Christie couldn’t make out if they were crying, or laughing, or both. 

Star Seeker began again. “You have siblings in Skyclan, you know.” You could’ve heard a feather drop in that moment. 

Christie knew it – _Toast was not the fourth. Star Seeker had lied to Skyclan, like they had done to Riverclan – and like Christie deep down hoped he was doing to this group of loners._

“If you kill them, I can show you your _true mother._ ” She could feel the sourness of Petal’s joy, the cat was practically overcome with it. Christie was overcome with something too, something like a profound sadness – _a sister she’s never met is being tricked into killing her._

She was about to turn tail and run back to Skyclan, when Star Seeker bumped into her. Although he said nothing as he led her back to his hideout, she could sense that he might’ve known she was listening in on him.

* * *

_“Go away.” It happened before, but this time she was showing up more and more. The vision of her mother prodded her with sharp claws, but she didn’t falter. “Leave me be.”_

_“There’s no use running from me anymore,” The vision’s face seemed to bleed, melting into nothingness. “I’ll always be right here – so why don't you come cuddle with your mother?”_

_Petal twitched, claws flexing. She turned to slash at the vision, but it disappeared as soon as she connected with it. “You can’t get rid of a ghost.”_

_Was that what her mother dearest was now? A ghost that would always haunt her? The thought made Petal shudder._

* * *

_She was in that dream – the dream she had so many moons ago – fire raged around here, and the whistling and whining of the church’s structure as it was lapped up by the flames made an awful symphony in Angel’s ears. She tried to block it out by flattening her ears against her head, but it seemed to grow louder in retaliation._

_Sure enough, she couldn’t move from the spot she was glued to, like always. She gritted her teeth – she hadn’t had any in a while, she thought maybe this was done, but it seemed her nightmares were going to come back with a vengeance._

_“What do you want to show me this time, Starclan?” She thought as she scanned the burning building. She was beginning to curse her ancestors – after all, they were the ones who gave her and her sisters powers – stripped away any chance of a normal life – ordered her to kill her own sister._

_She was starting to feel woozy, and maybe she’d wake up soon, thrashing as she opened her eyes as she always did. But she didn’t wake, even as her vision started to blacken at the ends -_

_She let out a screech as she felt claws dig themselves into her flesh, tearing to rip her apart – her vision returned, either from adrenaline or from her ancestor’s higher power, she didn’t know – but as soon as she saw what had grabbed her she wish it hadn’t._

_A faceless cat, no, it wasn’t exactly faceless, it still had a head on its shoulders – but it was a mangled one, with their skull suffocated in painful-looking pink flesh, with their teeth sticking out of a not-completely-formed jaw. The worst part was looking into their one good eye – it was a brilliant baby blue, like Christie’s, but while Christie’s seemed to have a dullness to them, this one’s eye almost glowed ethereally, pulling Angel into a trance._

_They spoke, and although Angel didn’t want to listen it was as if she was coerced into it. “I know who you are, but you don’t know me, even though you should.” The cat’s voice was gurgled and difficult to understand, but it felt like Angel was talking to one of her distant ancestors._

_“Who - who are you?” For the first time, Angel could speak in her nightmares. The other cat looked – almost sad when she said this._

_“Don’t you recognize me?” Then, the cat’s voice became like that of a kitten, small and innocent._

_Angel slowly shook her head, disturbed._

_“It’s me, your sister!” The cat was laughing now. Angel froze. She knew what this meant._

_She had found the fourth._


	7. first few desperate hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few more chapters to go! also, i'm planning on adding an alliances page as an addendum to the beginning after everything's said and done (to avoid any potential spoilers lol)
> 
> i.... just have to figure out how to do that without messing up the chapter order, though.  
> also looking @ the current shadowclan alliances page i realized that flowerstem and some random shadowclan warrior have the exact same name. oops. bet that gets awkward at gatherings, huh?

In the dead of night, everything was motionless and had a strange sense of quietness – as if the battle just a few days before had never even occurred. Those who were grateful to be alive after all that brutality were nursing their wounds as they slept. Yet, something dared to disturb this moment of calm – a shape upon the gorge hurried, its paws scraping on the hard earthen floor – at the same time someone stirred in their den, letting out a yawn as they did so. 

Snow was dancing softly outside – it was certainly beautiful, but it also spelled the coming hardships of leafbare that were nipping at all the clans’ heels. Antstar stretched, his bones feeling like he might’ve been a decade old. Just as the harsh leafbare would arrive soon, so did Malachi. 

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” Antstar shook his head, and the nervousness on the cat’s face seemed the wane somewhat. “But I think we need to talk.” The cat’s voice was serious, twinged with poorly-hidden fear. Antstar just smiled calmy, like he always did, and looped his tail around his now-empty nest – signaling him to sit down next to him. 

Malachi, still unable to hide his emotions, shivered slightly as he sat down beside his leader. He shifted his weight awkwardly around on his paws. Antstar must’ve taken note of this, as he was the one to speak first. “I can tell something’s eating you,” Malachi hid his eyes. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” 

Malachi nodded slowly, still not letting his eyes meet the others. “It’s about – it's about what happened a long time ago.” Antstar’s eyes widened with curiosity. 

“You want to know what happened with Star Seeker,” Antstar guessed, flicking his tail over Malachi’s shoulder intermittently – a comforting motion. Malachi looked as if for a moment he didn’t want to talk about it, but he gave into his curiosity. 

“You know, when I was with my brothers and sisters in twolegplace, I had heard of some cats that were causing some huge ruckus a few years back, but I never even met him before,” Malachi let out a nervous chuckle. “It’s kind of funny, I just met him for the first time. But I feel like his – reach extends far beyond any of us.” 

There was a long silence that made Malachi uneasy. Finally, Antstar spoke – his expression was hard to decipher – regret, perhaps sadness? (as if Antstar would show those types of emotions openly like that) 

“I’ve had to deal with him before.” The way he worded it made it seem like Star Seeker was not a good cat – Malachi had to admit, there was definitely something strange about him, but not the way Antstar was making it out to be. “I was young back then – sure, I’m young now – but I was practically a kit.” 

Malachi kept quiet, listening to Antstar speak – he felt calm, now. “I can barely remember the day. Mikey was still looking after me,” 

Malachi stopped Antstar, his voice high-pitched with surprise. “ _Mikey’s your father?_ ” Antstar just gave him yet another indecipherable look. “Not by blood, he wasn’t.” 

The conversation moved on quickly. “The medicine cat before you, Fidgetflake was his name I think, came to me in a fuss – talking about how I would be the one to save them. I couldn’t care less, obviously – I actually tried to run him off! Then something just came to me.” Antstar let out a laugh, before his voice gained that ethereal quality that still sent shivers down Malachi’s spine. 

“How come?” Antstar, for his brazen love of his clan and absolute devotion to his clanmates, didn’t seem like the type to reject the word of a medicine cat. “ _It’s weird,_ ” Malachi mused, “ _I always thought him to be the perfect leader - I'm supposed to be the flawed one around here._ ” 

“I had a dream the night I met that cat – hundreds, _thousands_ of them, ants swarming as if they were a hurricane – they swallowed up an entire group of cats and left nothing in their wake. I can’t forget it,” Antstar suddenly paused, as if he was overcome with emotions or perhaps trying to remember something. He let out a sigh, staring back at Malachi. “I should get back on track, shouldn’t I?” 

Malachi thought the story was interesting, but he knew he wouldn’t be getting what he came here for by listening to his leader wax nostalgic about his youth. He finally met Antstar’s eyes, and realized how humbled they looked in this moment. It was not his leader staring back at him, but a lifelong friend. He felt something stir in his heart that he tried to stamp down. 

“I was going with the few left of Skyclan, when we heard there was a group of rogues causing this big ruckus – at first we thought nothing of it – cats like that are a dime a dozen,” Antstar looked distant now. “Then we saw it – the starved, bloodthirsty cats that would lap at his paws for a scrap, the fanatics who believed Starclan could save them from themselves. He had Riverclan groveling in front of him, bloated on his lies about how they would all be wiped out by the Brightstar – the comet - if they didn’t follow him,” 

“It might’ve been the worst time for Skyclan, for the whole clans in a long while.” 

Malachi stopped, feeling faint. This wasn’t Star Seeker he was talking about – wasn't it? 

“Yes, Star Seeker was leading them, Malachi.” Malachi stared up at his leader with wide, wavering blue eyes – if Antstar knew, why were they sent to him? 

He couldn’t form his question, choking on babbled words. Antstar held his head low, his eyes now not meeting Malachi’s. “We had all thought he had died when the dogs attacked – when I heard he was still alive, I was overcome with a lot of things,” Antstar let his head fall into the crook of Malachi’s shoulders – it shocked him but at the same time he couldn’t move. 

“Then that means – the fourth is still out there.” Antstar didn’t respond, but Malachi knew it in his heart to be true. 

“I didn’t believe it, myself, when you told me about your dream – I thought, maybe there’s been a mistake – and - I honestly thought he might’ve learned from his mistakes – I'm sorry.” 

Antstar’s gaze flickered back and forth. He let out a sigh of resignation. “If Riverclan could be tricked, then I could be tricked as easily.” He muttered under his breath. 

_“I don’t think the girls would be able to forgive you though.”_ Malachi wondered. 

Malachi said nothing, but Antstar could tell he was already forgiving his leader. “We’ll have to talk to Riverclan tomorrow.” Malachi turned to leave, but he could feel Antstar’s hazel eyes boring into his back. 

“If you’re wondering the reason I came here tonight, _I had a dream about it._ ” With that, he left. Antstar couldn’t believe it was nervous Malachi speaking to him – it was like Starclan themselves were speaking through him.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the gorge, something else was also running around, disturbing the peace as he was. Wisps of condensed breath warped around a black shadow against the pitch-black night – their white tail shooting behind them like a flash of lightning as they bounded across the gaps between the stones - 

Angel stopped, her eyes catching the warrior’s den. Liza, her alder-bark red fur pulsating up-and-down as she breathed soundly in her sleep. As was usual these days, Christie was nowhere to be found. She didn’t like thinking about what in the world she was getting up to when she disappeared every night, so she wouldn’t. Angel flinched; her mind caught on some thought as her gaze shifted to the blonde cat beside her sister - 

_“You’re inviting kittypets into our clan now? When we already have enough problems as it is?” The fur along Liza’s back was shot straight up, making her look more like a big red dog more than a cat. She spat in the face of Henry, who was flanked by the blonde cat._

_“Try and be a bit more kind, Liza,” He curled his thin tail over the shoulders of the blonde; the cat shook violently – clearly Liza’s words stung him. “He’s hurt.”_

_Liza snorted - breath heavy and deep, her mouth held open, white fangs glinted in the dawn light – but those green eyes made much a better threat than fangs or claws ever could. “We’re all hurt, now.” The two arguing cats started to make angry circles around each other. “Antstar doesn’t have the time or the energy to be looking after every single cat who comes across our borders, complaining of pain that we have felt ten times as worse as they have.”_

_Angel stared on from the top of the slope leading into camp – her head hung low. Liza was even more antsy and snappy these days. She had promised herself she would stop thinking about that, but the fear and self-hatred was coming back with a vengeance. She couldn’t blame her sister, after all, they had just been through a big battle – and it most likely would not be their last scuffle with Riverclan, but -_

_Toast crashed between the circling cats, pelt flared up – a far cry from the tom that usually hid in the corner of camp and moped about. “Shut it, you big bully!” Liza’s eyes grew wide like the tom had slapped her in the face. “How would you know what Antstar thinks?”_

_Angel could hear a deep growling rumbling up from Liza’s throat. “What do you know about Antstar? I’ve lived my entire life here. You think you can shove me around because you’re special, isn’t it?” Liza got up in Toast’s face, and the tom shrunk and backed off._

_“I’m the one with the real power.” Liza hushed under her breath, so that Angel could barely hear her._

_All eyes were on Antstar and Stagheart and Dusty as they stomped through the clearing. Liza shrank – it was like the violent and hateful cat that was there a few seconds ago didn’t even exist. She winced as Stagheart gave her a cold look._

_“What is going on here?” Antstar’s eyes looked from each cat to the next. There was a silence before Henry spoke up._

_“There was a kittypet near our borders,” The blonde tom seemed to be trying to hide from Antstar and the others. “Toast and I found him – we don’t know how long he’d been living there, but it looks like his jaw was broken. I tried to get Malachi to see to it, but-”_

_Toast interrupted. “Now Liza’s screaming her head off at us about nothing! We were only trying to help!” To Angel’s surprise, Liza didn’t even try to defend herself, she was just sulking in the corner – probably fearing being punished again like she had been when she was an apprentice. Dusty tried to hold his apprentice back by the scruff of his neck, the tiny tom dangling from his jaw, pitifully fighting against his grip with flailing tangled messes of limbs._

_Malachi peered out of the medicine den, but Antstar signaled to him with his tail, “we’ll talk about this later.”_

_Antstar sighed – these days he looked so, so tired. “Liza,” Liza froze, her eyes grew wide again. But Antstar just smiled at her like everything would be okay. “I know you fear for your clan's future, but being cruel is not the way to go about things.” Liza nodded with silent resignation._

_Angel’s pelt flared, a cocktail of emotions rumbling inside her like a raging river. She needed to be a good sister (for once) and stand up for Liza. She gingerly went pawstep by pawstep down the ledge, blood rushing to her ears as she realized everyone was staring at her._

_“Antstar,” Antstar looked at her with warm eyes – she started to wonder; was she the good sister in everyone’s eyes? “Don’t be too hard on her, please, for me. She’s just – she was getting better, but I guess that big battle rattled her brain a bit.”_

_Antstar pressed his nose to Angel’s forehead, and the blood started rushing again, almost to the point it blocked out everything else. “I understand. Just see to her that she doesn’t act up like this again.” Angel’s chest burned, a tight feeling overcoming her._

_She didn’t look her sister in the eyes as Antstar sent them both away to talk with the others in private._

Malachi had seen to the tom just yesterday – his name was Bandit, and that was just about all they could get from him. He didn’t seem to like talking much, and spent most of his time clinging to Henry and Toast like a scared kit to their mother – it would be funny if it wasn’t so sad. Liza, being herself, had shut herself up in the warrior's den and had not come out since then. 

It was starting to feel so lonely in Skyclan, lately. 

Angel stared up at the sky. It was cloudy, and the few stars that dotted along its length were pale and flickered weakly. She remembered the day, a long, long time ago, when she had caught Maria awake in the middle of a night like this, staring up at the stars. 

_“Aren’t you coming to bed? It’s cold without you.” Angel shivered, letting out a sneeze that almost blew her small little body back into the den._

_Maria was staring up at the sky, like she was caught in a trance, muttering something to herself. Angel curled up beside her, and for a second, she didn’t seem to notice._

_“What’re you doing? Can I join?” Maria giggled at Angel, smoothing her fur back with a lick. She was glad her mother was such a beautiful cat – would she be as beautiful as her when she grew up?_

_“I’m watching Silverpelt,” Maria’s paw tickled Angel’s muzzle. “All our ancestors are up there, flying free, looking down at us.” Angel’s eyes grew wide._

_“You mean they’ll be watching me all the time? Even when I make dirt?” Maria let out a big laugh, cuffing her daughter behind the ears._

_“Maybe.” Angel let out a melodramatic gagging noise, and that made Maria laugh even more._

_“Wait - who are you looking for up there, mama?” Maria’s warm gaze suddenly became far away. She didn’t respond, almost in hesitation._

_“Someone I knew a long time ago, before I even gave birth to you and your sisters. Someone I—loved.” It sounded like she was going to cry. Angel leaned against her mother, not wanting to see her cry._

_“Was it my papa?” Maria went silent again. To Angel it looked like she mouthed “no”, but the memories started to grow hazy._

She would have to ask Maria about that one day – Angel shook her head – she wasn’t out here to be waxing nostalgic, she was here to go up to Starclan and ask them exactly just what was going on. 

_And she’d get answers whether they liked it or not._

* * *

He was fast asleep now, and it was time for Christie to make her move. His loud snoring buzzed around in her ears and clouded out everything else – even the loud roaring of the monsters - as he twitched beside her, and she resisted just ending him that way as she gingerly crawled away from him, letting her back legs dangle as she used her front legs to move – it was not very comfortable nor fast, but she learned from her many nights of sneaking away from Skyclan camp to be the quietest way. 

She thought she had made the homestretch – she was going to exact her revenge, and tell Riverclan how wrong and stupid they were – before something clamped down on her tail and made her squeal like a frightened kit - 

“ _Where are you going, my love?_ ” She could feel and smell the sickeningly-sweet floral scent that enveloped this creep every time she was near him. It made her want to puke, but she knew she must keep up the act, no matter what. This would be the future of Skyclan, Riverclan, _everyone._

She could not make excuses with words - but she swished her tail cutely, and drew her legs into herself, making a bow-legged stance. She tried to hide her sneer as he smiled, sickeningly-sweet as his thought-scent, mouth full of discolored and yellowed fangs. 

“ _Aw,_ ” Christie flinched, her mind screaming at her to just “run!” as he smoothed her ears back with his paw. “You need to make dirt, don’t you?” Christie nodded slowly, still flicking her tail in that cutesy way that he loved so much. 

“Okay,” He drew his paw over his own ears, letting out a yawn with rotten-food smelling breath, as he watched his –to him - little lady friend walk away from him. “Don’t be long, now.” 

Christie drew her claws back as she swerved through these narrow and maze-like streets – careful not to run too fast (that would make him suspicious). If she could guess, her sister would be talking with her ancestors – or if not, she could at least tell Malachi about what she found out. 

She felt at home again as she smelled the earthy, herb-filled scent of Skyclan. She didn’t like twolegplace much at all (as any clan cat would), but something about that place made her feel strange – like she had been there before. 

She dug around in her skull, trying to make out her mental map – to the Whispering Cave, she would go, like she had done when she spied on Malachi. There were places she didn’t explore yet, but she didn’t want to risk accidently falling to her death if she happened to slip – her mind filled with the image of that Riverclan cat, pushed by her sister, not even letting out so much as yelp as they plummeted into the river below and was swallowed up like a pitiful thing – she would never let that become her, not in a million moons. 

The whispering voices, taunting her and playing with her fur and pleading with her to join them, she ignored them all as she scrabbled through the cave – she angled her head, and could hear the rustling of pawsteps on the floor. She jumped for a second – feeling a strong presence push up against her, fearing that it was him. But she could smell them, carrying with them that familiar Skyclan scent, albeit faint and ancient-seeming. 

A wraith-like cat, more mist than flesh, dipped its head to brush up against her forehead, before retracting – perhaps they had confused Christie for someone else. Suddenly, with eyes full of past regrets, they began to speak in a creaking voice. 

_“What has happened before time and time again, is happening again.”_ Christie strained to hear them. _“But this time we may not be too late.”_ Christie let out a small scoff – she didn’t have time for this. 

_“Child, I know you are angry,”_ The wraith-like cat dipped their head to meet with Christie’s ear, letting out a soft sigh. Their voice echoed among the caves – Christie could hear the soft breathing of her sister somewhere in here, but as she turned to leave, the cat looked at her with pleading eyes - _“please listen to what I have to say”_ , he thought, but did not say a word. 

_“But I can help you, if you’ll just let me.”_ Christie stopped for a moment, and drew her head over her shoulder. Fine. I will play along with you. 

She could feel that this cat was calming down, starting to feel safer. They did not speak for an awkward second, and when they did it was as if all the creaking and age in their voice washed away. _“I know you have no words, but I will give my power of the stars to you, so that you may speak your truth.”_

You could’ve heard Christie’s jaw drop to the floor – all her life, she thought she would never speak – never tell anyone she loved them, never able to express her feelings, never do _anything._

The spirit cat was – happy for her. _“Good. May the stars guide your path, as they did mine.”_

She did not ask for their name, yet like a coming dream she received it – _Buzzardstar, the Skyclan leader before Ant’s kin of his kin had even been born._

* * *

_The wind howled, playing along with the reeds, then threatening to tear them from their roots. The sky was black, blacker than a raven’s feathers. The smell of river water was mixed with the metallic of blood and the trailing fumes of smoke – she froze – fearing to see that faceless cat again – her sister – the fourth -_

__

She nearly jumped out of her fur – if she could’ve, as she was glued to the floor like all the other times – when two cats, interlocked together as if they were in love, rolled past her - but they were trying to claw each other’s faces off. 

__

A yowl sounded out from above her, “Riverclan, Starclan! Do not stop fighting until each and every Skyclan cat is prey under your paws!” She’d recognize that scratchy, high-pitched voice anywhere – Star Seeker. 

__

Was this the future – would Riverclan and Minnowstar get what they wanted? The thought shook her to her core. She looked around for any sign of her long-lost sister, but all she could see in her vision was fur and bodies flying every which way. 

__

_Then she saw Henry, young and healthy again, as he raced up the rock Star Seeker was throned on like an adder up a log, and raked his claws straight across the length of Star Seeker’s smug face – the star marking upon his forehead forever tainted as blood flowed from the fresh wound._

Wait. This was the past. 

_Minnowstar, looking not as the insane cat that tried to kill his own deputy along with Antstar, but as a proud leader of Riverclan with sparkling eyes (filled with hate) and long, glossy fur that swayed in the breeze- he ran up alongside Henry, trying to push the brown cat off his balance._

_“You cannot win! The clans have no need for your kind here!” With this, Henry’s face curled in disgust like he had smelled something rotten. “Skyclan is nothing but an ancient relic hopelessly trying to cling to a world that does not want or need them. Tell ‘Ant’ that for me.” Minnowstar’s eyes shone, in the way that burning building in her dreams shone as it crumbled around her._

_“The very cats you hate – are working alongside you, can’t you see it? Has whatever’s in the river here turned you all sick?” Henry, barely holding on, pointed with his muzzle to Star Seeker. “Son of Carpshine, son of a loner. She told me so herself when we first got here.”_

_“Carpshine of Riverclan.” The old molly’s words rung in Angel’s ears. Said old molly was shaking at the foot of the rock, babbling on with useless excuses. She would never forget the looks in both Star Seeker and Minnowstar’s eyes._

_“M-Minnowstar,” Carpshine’s voice was meek, almost inaudible among the cries and yowls and screams of the cats fighting. “Are you really going to believe a loner over your own clanmate?”_

_Minnowstar was dead silent. Carpshine looked as if she could burst into tears as her leader said absolutely nothing to reassure her._

_Finally, in a quiet voice, Minnowstar asked “Is this true, Carpshine?” Carpshine shook her head, but in those big green eyes Angel could tell she was lying to herself. Minnowstar’s jaw twitched._

_“IS THIS TRUE, CARPSHINE?” He suddenly broke out into a yell, sending a ripple of shock throughout all the cats – for a brief second, they had stopped fighting. Carpshine had given up on lying – she nodded her head so softly Angel could barely tell she had even moved._

_“I - didn’t want to keep him,” Carpshine’s voice creaked and croaked. “I should’ve just killed myself when he put it in me, but I gave birth to him anyway. I gave him to his father – you all already hated me as it was, I figured if it got out that I had a kit with a loner,”_

_Minnowstar slammed his paw down onto the rock. “So, you lie? Is that what you’re telling me, Carpshine?” Carpshine didn’t respond. “You lie, even as I make you deputy, the position your own mother filled? You make me sick.”_

_Angel feared that Minnowstar would throw himself onto the old molly before she saw her leader’s titular bright red pelt, with those trails of black that made it look like his namesake was crawling all over him rush to the foot of the rock._

_“Now you know he lied to all of us, Minnowstar,” Antstar did not sound haughty, despite his choice of words. “But to only figure it out when you learn of his heritage? How typical of you.” He sounded more – sad for Minnowstar, than anything._

_Minnowstar’s mouth was drawn into a snarl, but he said nothing and did nothing to Antstar – instead, jumped on his hind legs to strike Star Seeker – but that snake managed to crawl away from under the huge tom, and was running towards the river to make a getaway, calling his cronies to him with quick tail movements._

_“Antstar, you -” Minnowstar called to Antstar, but Angel didn’t know why. Was he asking for help? Help from the cats he had cursed just moments ago?_

_“Riverclan, attack! We must not let him escape!” A sharp, droning howling noise rang out, and if Angel hadn’t already been stuck to the ground she surely would’ve then – Riverclan's signal. But it was quickly broken by another sound – barking dogs. Minnowstar and Antstar, eyes wide, whipped their heads around upwind._

_A small pack of dogs – hunting dogs, probably released to go on a test run, were attracted by the noise. Their slobbering jaws and the wild hunger in her eyes matched just what Angel had imagined when Antstar told her the stories._

_Star Seeker was already gone – through the blackness of the night she could no longer see him._

_A warning yell sounded out through Riverclan, and all the cats picked up their heels and ran. But no matter how fast they ran, the dogs could catch up to them like it was nothing. Angel held her breath as she saw one of them scoop up Henry as he was vulnerable, trying to fling himself off the rock but he landed in the dog’s jaws instead. There was a sickening crunch and an earsplitting cry as the dog snapped its jaws around Henry’s hind leg as he dangled helplessly._

_“Get off of him, you flea-bitten mutt.” Angel heard her mother’s voice in a completely different tone from what she had ever heard from her before as she charged at the dog with claws outstretched – the dog let out a horrible yelp as it released Henry – thankfully they both managed to outrun the dog as it recoiled, but Henry seemed like he was bleeding out every ounce of blood he had in his body from the bite._

_“Do you see now, Minnowstar?” Antstar was supporting a bleeding and pale-looking Minnowstar on his shoulder – that must be what like losing a life is like, Angel thought. Minnowstar tried to speak, but he was far too weak._

_Angel let out an instinctive scream as a dog ran – right through her. But she would’ve screamed again if she had it in her as she saw T-bone being snatched up by a rather large dog. Henry, always the brave one, ran right ahead to save his buddy despite his leg, and despite Maria’s pleadings._

_Henry had managed to sink his teeth into the dog’s hindquarters, but Angel knew exactly what was going to come next – Henry and Maria and Antstar all screamed “no” in unison as T-bone was flung straight into a rock. A sharp crack, then a squelch as he dropped down like a dead bird._

_By some miracle, twolegs must’ve heard the noise – strange rumbles came from them as they called to the dogs. They all departed like a storm – leaving a destruction in their wake._

_There was no time for grieving that day._

_A calico, Riverclan’s medicine cat – Branchstep – as she had seen her at the gatherings, gingerly stepped out of a den made out of wood scraps. Her hazel eyes met Angel’s, and for a second, Angel thought she saw her too._

_“Step aside.” Her voice was hoarse and deep as she flicked her paw in Antstar’s direction. “He’s losing a life.”_

_Antstar’s face scrunched up. “Will he be – fine?”_

_“He’s got plenty more where that came from.” The calico sighed deeply, not seeming to care much for her leader at that moment – but Angel couldn’t blame her. She pressed some kind of herb Angel was not familiar with to Minnowstar’s bleeding belly._

_Suddenly, she looked up, and stared right at Antstar. “You can go now. Skyclan needs you.” She nodded to Maria, to Henry, to T-bone. In a quiet voice, she added “I’m sorry for what happened here.”_

_With that, Antstar and the others, carrying the injured and dead with them, headed upstream. The calico stared at them the entire time, until they disappeared over the rising sun. She shook her head and sighed again, ignoring the pained cries of her leader as she pressed her paws firmly into his side._

_“Remember, Minnowstar, you wanted this.” Angel thought she said as she whispered into the Riverclan leader’s ears as he died._

Suddenly, she felt like something, or someone was calling her – the vision started the warp and blur before her eyes. 

“Angel!” A completely new voice filled her ears. “Angel!” 

The vision was gone. She was in her own body, awake now. She looked around quickly, wondering just who it could be calling her like this. 

Through groggy eyes, she could see who it was, at least barely. Snow white fur, those cute little folded ears, and big blue eyes – Christie! 

Wait – the molly hadn’t spoken a word since the day she was born – Flowerstem and Malachi themselves had declared her mute moons ago. How was she speaking now? Was she still dreaming? Oh, Starclan – was she _dead?_

“Listen, I don’t have time to explain, but I need to tell you something.” Angel was still shocked, but she nodded anyway. “It’s about the fourth, about Riverclan, about Star Seeker.” 

Angel sighed, that dream of fire and that faceless cat claiming to be her sister filling her mind again. “I know about the fourth, too.” 

“No, no. I found out where she _is._ ” Angel gasped – all this could be finally over. “She’s living in twolegplace – but you won’t like what I have to say.” Angel figured as much. 

“Star Seeker says he knows where mom is – and – he told her to kill us if she could see mom again.” Angel’s eyes wavered as she bit down on her tongue. Why did so much blood need to be spilled? 

“Also, Star Seeker is working alongside Riverclan – but secretly, he wants to destroy them by making them fight meaningless fights.” Angel remembered the vision. 

“So, they haven’t learned their lesson from last time?” Angel thought aloud. 

“ _What?_ ” Christie tilted her head to the side. 

“Never mind.” Angel sighed, flicking her ears. Christie made a face, but she continued on. 

“If we can go with Antstar and Malachi to the meeting with Riverclan, we can expose Star Seeker for what he is and tell Antstar who the real fourth is at the same time!” Christie’s eyes seemed to be sparkling. 

Angel’s gaze didn’t meet Christie’s. “What about Toast?” She thought, “What will he think when we tell him the prophecy has been nothing but a lie?” 

“He doesn’t need to know – not now, at least.” Christie dipped her head, letting it rest in the crook of her sister’s neck. Angel shivered a bit. “I think I've figured out Christie’s power,” she mused. 

Angel turned to get back to the medicine den before daylight broke, but she could feel Christie’s gaze boring into her back. 

“By the way,” Christie smiled a smile full of mirth. “I love you – you and Liza, and mom.” 

_Angel just nodded, but Christie understood all the same._

* * *

It had been a few days since Toadcroak and Pikejaw had managed to sneak the strange loner into Riverclan territory. Branchstep had offered to build a makeshift den farther from the border, going into the horseplace east of them. And here they sat, huddled in that very den, freezing their fuzz off as the leafbare winds whistled their way into the gaps between the branches and the mud. Toadcroak had not learned their name, but she felt a strange sense of déjà vu just looking at the cat - “Where, where have I seen them before?” She tried to wedge a name out of her brain but, again, she failed. 

They squealed and kicked and made a big fuss as Branchstep shoved a half-eaten water vole in their face. Toadcroak gave her father a withering look as he struggled to hold back a childish giggle at this little tussle. 

“If you won’t eat, you won’t get better.” The loner made a strange noise as they snapped their head away, their breathing starting to shallow as another chilling wind buffeted them. Branchstep’s throat made a rumbling noise, shaking her head ever-so-slightly. “Fine. Starve, then.” 

The cat seemed happy just doing that – Toadcroak could swear she saw an accomplished smile stretch upon their lips as Branchstep retreated from the den. “I need to make dirt.” She said in a quick whisper as she passed Pikejaw. Yellow eyes met Toadcroak’s as they must’ve noticed her staring at them. 

“Leave me be.” They shifted slightly – something they had not done in a while, Toadcroak knew as she had been there all night looking after them (even at Branchstep’s displeasure) - angry-looking (most likely infected at this point) red scars lined the length of their body, and the fur had gotten patchy and mangled in some spots. Surely, they were a sight if Toadcroak had ever seen one. 

“My job won’t allow me to.” Despite the cat’s wordless protests, Toadcroak stayed glued, stubbornly by their side – she motioned to her father to sit beside her. The cat spat out another complaint as they did so. 

“ _Why do you care so much?_ ” Before their words sounded as I they were threatening the very cats helping keep them alive – now it seemed as if they didn’t understand the very concept of caring for others, as if they had lived in a world where it didn’t exist at all. 

“Because Minnowstar won’t.” Pikejaw answered for Toadcroak. The cat didn’t respond – perhaps they didn’t know what to say to that. As if on cue, Branchstep barreled her way on through the already-destroyed-as-it-was entrance, fur all fluffed up. 

“So,” Pikejaw’s head tilted to the side, a smile forming on his lips. “I take it you really didn’t just go to make dirt?” Branchstep rolled her eyes, her fur flattening slightly. 

“Very funny,” She sat down with the warrior and her apprentice, her gaze shifting from back west towards Riverclan territory to the cat laying crumpled and sighing in the corner of the den. “Anyway, I’ve managed to see what’s going on there now.” 

Pikejaw and Toadcroak’s ears perked, ready to listen intently. Branchstep nodded. 

“Reedripple is the acting leader now, Copperfish’s deputy – but Minnowstar is taking that as well as you’d expect -” Toadcroak and her father exchanged worried glances. 

“Copperfish’s deputy? _That idiot?_ ” Pikejaw could laugh. Branchstep didn’t seem to like being interrupted like that. Her lip twitched. 

“If I were Reedripple, I would’ve picked anyone else – but I suppose you can never tell what’s going on in his head.” 

“At least he’s better than Minnowstar.” Toadcroak was – hesitant on talking bad about Minnowstar, even after all he had done – she had looked up to him. In her mind as a young kit, he could do no wrong. Branchstep, Toadcroak could see it in her eyes, didn’t seem to have such a great relationship with him, however. 

“Copperfish - that loudmouth – I heard from him that Skyclan may be planning on coming here and having a talk with Reedripple. Let’s just hope it doesn’t lead to a full out war, like-” Branchstep stopped herself, for what reason, Toadcroak knew not. 

“I hope Angel and her sisters will be okay.” Toadcroak had seen her at the gathering, many many moons ago – they were both young back then. She had heard she was planning on becoming a medicine cat like she was. 

“ _I hope Riverclan will be okay._ ” Branchstep thought aloud quietly to herself as she padded away. This time, she had to make dirt for real.

* * *

_“Oh. Okay.”_ Malachi seemed like would faint at any moment, his words coming out fast and choppy – Angel couldn’t blame him – being told the cat you had just thought, without a doubt, would never speak a word in her life suddenly started talking like it was nothing. 

“It was probably Starclan’s doing. There’s no way it could be anything else.” Malachi nodded, even though Angel knew he had absolutely no clue about what was going on. She smoothed the long fur that drooped in front of her eyes. 

“So, you both know about the fourth?” Angel nodded. 

“I figured that Toast wasn’t it. Anyway – Christie said she’s somewhere in the big, smelly twolegplace.” Angel laughed a low, unsure laugh. The slight light of the midday sun made the creases on her fur stand out so much more - “She really looks like Maria, now that I think about it.” Though where Maria’s features were sharp (and Liza’s were, too), Angel’s were soft – but with those titular Skyclan muscles peeking through the fur (one would think she was born here). 

“She was right under our noses and we didn’t even know.” Malachi laughed his signature high-pitched stress laugh upon hearing Angel’s words. 

_“Yet again,”_ He could laugh at himself if it wasn’t so sad. _“I made things worse and I didn’t even know.”_

Malachi leaned in to whisper in Angel’s ear. _“Should we tell him? Should we tell Toast?”_

Angel answered with her own low whisper. _“No. We should wait until this is all over.”_

Unbeknownst to them, they were being listened in on. A brown tom and a blonde tom craned their heads and struggled to fit both of their ears close to the small eyehole between the walls of the apprentice’s den and the medicine den. There were quick, hushed whispers between them. 

“You’re the one whish the big earsh. Tell me what they’resh talking about.” The blonde tom’s twisted jaw clacked against his top one, creating a constant percussion. 

Toast’s big, green eyes grew so wide one would think they’d fall out of their sockets. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, no, what he was hearing _wasn’t true_ (even though he knew it was. Malachi was smart. He wouldn’t lie.). 

“ _I knew it._ ” Was all he said as he turned away, tail tight between his legs, ears drooped. 

“Hey!” His friend, always so kind, tried to run past him and block the entrance, shoving his shoulder into the other’s. “Where are you going?” Toast pushed the stout tom past as his collar’s bell jingled – surprising for his small size – hackles rising. 

“I need to take a walk.” Toast did not dare look back at him – but he could feel those eyes, eyes like stagnant pools, boring into the back of his skull. 

Bandit raised his voice. “If you’re going, I’m going with you. And you’re not stopping me.” Toast didn’t know why, but he could feel the hurt and past regret of something in his voice. 

_A black cat, laying crumpled and dead on the side of the road, her dumped body being watched over by a domineering blonde tom and his mate as they laughed over and over and over at her flickered in Bandit’s mind – don't let Toast end up like that – his mind was urging him._

_Don’t be a coward._

With that, Toast flicked his tail, urging Bandit to follow him. To his favorite spot, the spot he had discovered during one his many nights when he’d sneak out of camp – the spot, unlike the hard, earthy Skyclan camp, was filled with acre upon acre of soft grass and smelled not of gross herbs and stinky cat but of sweet honeysuckle. 

Malachi had been told everything now. Angel had urged him to get ready to go to Riverclan – but he just couldn’t. Not after that vision that had been delievered to him two years ago – the vision of a cat as they struggled against the river’s rushing current, the water turning red with their blood – and Leafstar’s haunting message. 

_“Petty revenge spills blood, and the sky will fall from the heavens.”_

Petty revenge – would Riverclan attack them as soon as they would come? And – what about Star Seeker? He had heard how he had manipulated Riverclan – now he’s manipulating the fourth, using their power to get his revenge. _His revenge against both Riverclan and Skyclan._

_He needed Antstar. He needed Christie, Liza, and Angel._

* * *

Despite how long it had taken them, Toast felt as lively as a buzzed bird. The wind whistled in his ears, and he smiled to himself as he heard the heavy pounding of Bandit’s pawsteps as he lagged behind him. 

“You’d scare a deaf rabbit!” Toast called back to him, seeing his small ears pop out from the long grass – Toast was glad this grass had managed to survive leafbare for the most part. 

“Shut up!” Toast flinched as Bandit bounded over to him – he was aiming to pounce him, but Toast was way, way faster. He stifled a laugh as the blonde tom rolled onto his back, threatening to teeter off of the hill. 

“Now,” He shook the dirt clods and stray grass strands out of his fur – sending it flying this way and that. “What’s been eating you?” Toast stiffened – he had run away here specifically to avoid talking about that. 

“I’ll tell you if you tell me what’s up with you.” Toast offered his friend with a sly grin. Bandit’s eyes squinted, his face scrunching up. 

“Fine. Promise?” Bandit rolled onto his side, offering a paw to Toast, who was laying opposite to him. Toast closed his eyes, as if deep in thought, and stretched out his paw as well. 

“Promise.” The toms, with their paws outstretched to each other’s, pressed foreheads – Toast recognized this gesture as sacred in clan life. _I will never forget this moment – I hope we can stay friends forever, Bandit._

There, Bandit had told him his life story, basically – his heart quivered as he was transported to a lush twoleg garden, then to the twolegplace – he shook when he had heard of how a mean cat had broken Bandit’s jaw – then he realized that Bandit had a friend before him. He felt a bit sad – he thought he and Bandit were destined to be best friends. 

“What happened to her, Bandit? What happened to Shnookums?” Bandit sighed a drawn-out sigh. Toast could swear he was about to cry. 

“I - I wish I knew.” Toast pressed his forehead closer up against Bandit, purring, trying to cheer him up. 

“Who knows – maybe you’ll see each other again, some day.” Bandit smiled, his worries waning a bit. 

“Remember - you were supposed to tell me about you, too.” Suddenly, those stagnant pools of water became like clear rivers, sharp and brilliant. Toast had honestly forgot. 

After an awkward silence, Toast answered. “I’m not special – I heard it from Angel herself. I don’t have powers.” Bandit’s brilliant eyes bore into Toast and made his stomach feel like it was tying itself into hundreds of tiny knots. 

“You don’t need to have powers to be special. You just need to be _you_ to be special.” 

Toast didn’t know what to say to that, but he could hear himself purring in happiness and mirth anyway.

* * *

“ _Toadpaw,_ ” Toadcroak was jolted awake – before she knew it, she was spending each and every night, sleepless, tending to the loner. The voice – suddenly, it felt familiar to her. “Toadpaw. It’s you, isn't it?” 

She found herself staring back at those piercing yellow eyes – those piercing yellow eyes that filled with light whenever she told a joke – she could almost smell the minty smell of the twoleg garden. 

“Shnookums.” Shnookums was different now. She had changed a lot (Toadcroak felt as though she hadn’t changed at all herself) - that glossy black fur was now matted and patchy and dirty, and she was older now. Her voice, whether it was from the sickness or what Toadcroak didn’t know, was raspier and weaker. But those yellow eyes seemed as though they hadn’t changed at all since that day. 

Shnookums let out a low laugh – followed by a horrid-sounding hacking cough. Toadcroak rushed to her side, but she pushed her away. “I’ll be okay,” Toadcroak’s heart sunk down to her paws. Was she going to – _die?_

“It’s Bandit I’m worried about.” Toadcroak remembered a chubby blonde tom, caught between the holes of a picket fence, but smiling happily all the same. 

“Maybe we’ll see him again soon.” Shnookums didn’t smile like Toadcroak had expected her to. Toadcroak looked outside of the makeshift den, staring at the piles upon piles of white snow that lay outside, threatening to cave them both in. 

_Please, be okay._


	8. there's gonna be a party when the wolf comes home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we return to our regularly scheduled depressing battle cats content! yaaaaay!  
> also star seeker gets owned in this chapter.

Nights like these – clear nights where the silverpelt ran constant shimmering laps like gaping rivers and there was a warming breeze that played with her fur and soothed her muscles – made Maria feel calm – made her feel calm and happy and free. 

It made her remember Angel’s smiling face. The face she rarely gets to see nowadays. 

It was nothing like how leafbare usually made her feel – dull and lifeless, like how everything was around her. It reminded her of quick, ragged breaths that made wisps around shivering fur, muffled sobs and wails of pain, of a blonde cat laying restless in the snow – like he was fast asleep. Except he would never wake. 

She tried to put that behind her, though. Nothing would change – she was living in the present, not the past as many cats who were nearing her age tended to do. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t go back and fix that day. 

Leaning into the half-frozen, slushy puddle, she was face-to-face with herself. She sighed, picking at her muzzle and at the long fur that drooped down her cheeks – the fur that lined her muzzle was starting to grey, and there was a tired look in her eyes that Malachi had just told her the other day she had gotten. 

She was getting older. 

Henry had always humored her – told her “you don’t look a day older than the day we first met!” - but she knew that was a half-truth, a lie even. Even now, looking into this warped reflection of herself, she could tell. 

She was just about to call it a night and head back into her den when she could’ve sworn she heard some shuffling, a noise uncannily like a snake getting ready to close around its prey, downwind. She pricked her ears – it was real, definitely real. And it was getting closer. 

As she turned to face whatever it was with claws outstretched and with a newfound need to fight, she realized she had been half-correct about the snake hypothesis. No, she would never forget those hazel eyes – small and turned up like a smile, but a smile like a badger makes before it tears its stinking maw filled with yellowed teeth into you. 

_“You’ve finally come back to take me, haven’t you?”_ Maria said in a hushed breath. She tried oh-so desperately to hide her shaking, but she could feel her legs wobbling underneath her. Star Seeker smiled – he looked more like a gaunt, diseased badger rather than a cat. 

He nodded his head side-to-side and flicked his tail rapidly – a signal to someone Maria couldn’t see. It happened in a flash after that. They rushed her like those dogs did all those moons ago. 

Through her strained eyes as she was thrown to the ground with a dull thud she could see a patchy brown-and-white pelt (were they related to Star Seeker? They looked so much like him), and a head that was covered in some thick material that muffled their gurgled breaths as they pushed themselves with every movement – it pained Maria to hear a cat choke like that. 

As she sunk her claws into the brown-and-white cat struggling on top of her – and flattening her ears against her head to try and drown out their suffocated moans and howls and screeches, and trying to swallow down the gross feeling of their (or was it hers?) warm blood running down her paws – she spotted something, somebody, that almost made her freeze to the spot. 

_It was James, wasn’t it? Had her old love come back to haunt her, had he not been able to find Starclan?_

_Surely, he had died in the snow that day, didn’t he? She should know – she was the one to help Shimmerspot bury him (as if Hollysong would help)._

Then she realized she must’ve made a mistake as she caught the eyes of the blonde tom hovering above her as she continued to struggle against the other. Those green eyes, though they shared the same bright happy emerald color as James did, looked as wide and scared as a kitten’s. 

Strangely, he stayed there, staring with an almost confused (but with the slightest hint of anger) expression – even as Maria tore through his accomplice’s fur and managed to get it stuck between her bloodied claws and even as they screeched above her in shock and pain – Maria's jaw held loose. 

Star Seeker, that snake in the grass, just sat there with his tail tucked neatly over his paws as if he was simply just watching kits play fight with each other – Maria would’ve already been over there ripping out his jugular so he couldn’t laugh that horrible high-pitched laugh anymore if she wasn’t already busy with all this. 

By some miracle, she had crawled out from under the grip of the brown-and-white cat, as was running as fast as she could – she was surprised with how heavily her heart was beating and how her paws drummed loudly against the earthy floor she hadn’t woken up the whole clan – she felt less victorious as she saw that blonde tom racing alongside the other with that uncanny kitten-like, scared-but-also-filled-with-rage look in his eyes as he chased her down like she was nothing but prey to him. 

Turning around the bend, she thought she had lost them. She thought (foolishly) that maybe common sense had broken through the bloodlust and they had turned back to Star Seeker with their tails tucked between their legs. Her breathing and heart thrummed like a war call even as she had stopped to rest. 

But then came the sounds of paws against stone and those gurgled snarls, and the chase resumed. She didn’t even look over her shoulder to see if Star Seeker was following her too. 

_“Remember what you are killing for,”_ Star Seeker told them with a silent look. _“Your revenge.”_

They must’ve raced together in this sick game of tag to the very edges of Skyclan’s borders before Maria’s vision went black – she couldn’t tell if was from the exhaustion or if those crazed cats had finally caught up to her. 

Next thing she knew, in the final throes of her waning vision, Star Seeker’s gangly limbs were in full view. With narrowed eyes and her lips pulled back in a vicious snarl, she stared up at him. 

“You - think you’ve won, huh?” She would’ve laughed if she had the energy to – or if the blonde tom’s paws weren’t held fast on her throat, pushing her down into the dirt. 

The crickets and the night birds droned on in long songs before Star Seeker finally spoke. “We’ll see.” He drew his paw over his ear, keeping his eyes not on her but on his accomplices. 

“Tell me,” The brown-and-white cat tensed. Maybe they knew something Maria didn’t. “Do you have children here, in Skyclan?” 

The brown-and-white cat was shaking now. The blonde tom huffed and puffed. Maria knew what he would do if he found out about the girls – their prophecy – but at the same time - 

She wouldn’t dare disregard them as her children. Even though she was not the one to birth them, nor the one to give them milk, they were her children. _Her girls. Her family._

_“Yes.”_

Maria couldn’t even make a sound before the blonde tom’s claws raked across her throat. She didn’t dare look down at the blood pooling around all of their paws. Then – she chuckled, then she laughed. She smiled, turning her head up at the stars with the last of her energy. 

She thought of finally being reunited with James, with T-bone, and her mother and father. She just wished the girls wouldn’t miss her too much. 

Her last words, before she went to hunt with the stars, as she smiled as cheerfully as the day Malachi had given them to her, _“For me, this is a victory.”_

* * *

The rotten smell had been hanging around Skyclan’s borders for a few days, now – even during the final throes of the leafbare moons, if you stayed along the farther edges of camp, you could smell it coming from downwind. 

Antstar had sent Stagheart, Dusty, as well as Halfpaw and Owlpaw to investigate – Stagheart, his usual paranoid and battle-hungry self, had suspected it to be some kind of morbid message from Riverclan, a dead piece of prey dropped along their borders as a reminder, “we are watching you”. Dusty had feared the worst, that it had been one of their warriors, left there to rot. Halfpaw and Owlpaw, still being youthful and curious, just wanted to come along and have fun with the senior warriors. 

They were just a few foxlengths away from the old thunderpath before the smell had become overpowering. Even Stagheart – who was as formidable as a boulder – was beginning to gag. Owlpaw and Halfpaw looked as if they would faint then and there. Dusty whipped his thin tail over the huddled apprentices to signal them to stay behind. 

Hopping over a beam that had been scattered across the acrid path, Dusty nearly recoiled and turned tail as the stench of decay and death completely swallowed his senses. He narrowed his eyes, trying to keep his cool as he craned his head to look around some trash that had been dumped – hoping that it was just some twoleg food that had soured – and everything came spiraling down. 

He was faced with what he had been fearing. 

Her body was completely crawling with writhing maggots – her face was held in what appeared to be a stark smile stretched across. He swallowed down some bile as he gingerly turned her crumpled body over with his paw. Her throat, filled to the brim with all sorts of nasty insects that crawled from her to Dusty’s paw (he was too much in shock to notice), had been gashed completely open. 

“What’s wrong? You find anything?” Stagheart’s slightly quivering booming voice called from behind the beam. Dusty just looked at him with wide, horrified eyes. He knew. His face went grim. 

Stepping aside Dusty, he let out a long, mournful sigh. Dusty sighed together with him. There was simply nothing they could do for Maria now. The birds chirped happily above them as if everything was alright. 

“What do we tell the girls?” Dusty finally said – an image of a completely enraged, rampaging, blood-covered, and screaming Liza flickered in his mind. 

“Let’s go tell Antstar.” Stagheart didn’t want to sit here any longer staring at her body – something with which Dusty agreed. 

“Didya find something?” Halfpaw jumped up and down, all his sickness before seemingly disappearing. Dusty gave him a weak smile, not wanting the young apprentices to have to deal with any of this. 

“I bet it was Riverclan messing with us again!” Owlpaw let out a tiny little hiss, batting his claws in the air. Stagheart just tousled his ears with his tail.

* * *

“Angel,” Malachi peered into the medicine den with wide blue eyes. It was still early in the morning, and the hints of sun peeking through the holes in the dip of the earth cast eerie shadows on the walls – he had to really strain to see her. “There’s something important I need to show you – come quick.” 

Angel groaned, flicking her ears impatiently before stretching – Malachi shook his head softly. She must’ve been up all night again. But she got out of that waking-up haze quickly, hearing the urgency and darkness in Malachi’s tone. 

Malachi shivered, awkwardly dancing on his paws in fluttery movements – Angel could feel the knot of fear slowly curling in the pit of her stomach. “What now?” 

“I just need you to come quick. Don’t argue.” Malachi spoke in quick, hushed breaths as if he was gasping for air. Angel’s tail twitched – she didn’t feel like dealing with Malachi’s dodging her questions any longer. 

As she followed him outside the den, her ears flattened against her skull on cue – it seemed like every cat in Skyclan was up and running around, scattered. She could practically feel the stress emanating off of them like heat waves. 

She felt a bit warmer as she caught sight of that familiar dark ginger fur. “Liza.” Malachi tensed up at that moment – it made Angel angry. 

“Don’t you know the reason why she acts out is because she can tell you all are afraid of her?” She stared straight into Liza’s green eyes – something she never did – Liza seemed to notice, as she twitched (perhaps shocked or embarrassed) ever so slightly before turning to Malachi. 

He didn’t even let her get a word out. “Has anyone seen Christie?” He looked from the top of the cliff to down towards the spiraling ground beneath them. Angel nearly jumped out of her fur when it happened – Christie crawled from underneath Liza. 

_Had she been there the entire time?_

She didn’t respond when he dipped his head in her direction – Angel's heart sunk. _“So that was only temporary, huh?"_

She hadn’t even noticed she had been absentmindedly picking at the ground when Liza had pointed it out. “Stressed out too,” She had guessed. “I nearly ripped my bedding apart when he woke me up like that – I still feel kinda frazzled.” 

They all looked around, unsure of what to say – or too aware of the awkwardness and distress to say anything at all. The stress in the air only grew more and more thick in each passing heartbeat. 

Finally, Malachi nodded his head for them to follow him down the winding paths. Liza’s fur puffed out as she brushed up against Angel, seeing more and more cats pour out of their dens to see what the commotion was all about. 

“There’s been something rotting by the old thunderpath,” She recognized Seedshade talking with a queen. “It’s probably that.” 

Angel’s stomach must’ve fully transfigured itself into complete loop-de-loops at this point. Her wind wandered to Maria – she noticed it had not been her, but Malachi who had woken her up this sunrise – that lazy tom usually like to sleep until sunhigh if he could help it. She was the one who always got (or at least tried) them up early. 

Liza shook her slightly, and Angel was staring back at green eyes filled with mirth and sympathy. “You shouldn’t worry about what they’re gossiping about,” Angel caught another conversation. 

_“Dusty and Stagheart wouldn’t tell us anything!”_ It was Halfpaw. _“It was probably Riverclan.”_ Owlpaw had joined in. 

_“I just hope it’s nothing serious.”_ Flowerstem was idling by the pool. 

_“I haven’t seen Maria since moonhigh! I hope to Starclan she’s alright.”_ It was Rosebush – she'd recognize that annoying voice anywhere. 

_“How can I not?”_ She mused. 

“Mom would never let anybody hurt her – nor would Antstar, nor Henry, nor Stagheart.” Angel felt that the words rang a bit hollow, but she still held onto that tiny bit of hope. 

_Please Starclan, let mom be alright!_

As they had reached the clearing where all the commotion was centered, Henry had caught up to them. He waved with his tail in a friendly manner, but everybody could tell he was hiding his anxiety poorly – his greying muzzle and his paws trembled as he spoke. 

“I hope nothing too serious is going on,” He dipped his head to nuzzle Angel, then Liza, then Christie. “If you three are up – then -” He snapped his jaw shut. Was he trying not to jinx something? 

Malachi was clearly trying to avoid Henry’s gaze. She shifted awkwardly on his paws, as if questioning to himself if he should say something, then promptly turned tail in the other direction. 

Henry, clearly unnerved by the usually friendly – albeit finicky and skittish – Malachi's uncharacteristic display, tagged along a tail-length away. 

Angel scrunched up her nose, smelling something foul. She could hear Liza struggling not to gag behind her. Christie seemed to be trailing behind them out of fear. 

Malachi gave them all a haunting look, then disappeared behind the impressive grooves of earth that jutted up from the ground – Angel fought back the desire to just turn tail and ignore whatever horrible truth he was trying to show them. 

She closed her eyes tight – wondering if this was how Christie felt all the time – and blindly followed the mingling scents of herb and decay. 

With hesitation, she opened them. Then she wished she hadn’t. 

She opened her mouth to scream or to cry, but nothing came out – she just stood there with her jaw held slack. Malachi rushed over to try to comfort her, but she pushed him away. 

_“I’m sorry.”_ Was all Malachi could say. His head hung so low one would think it would fall off. 

_“Sorry isn’t good enough.”_ Liza was the first to speak. She hissed, pushing her face in front of Malachi’s. Angel didn’t look up from Maria’s body, but she could tell she was crying as she said it. _“You could’ve helped her!”_

Malachi shook his head, trying to speak in a soft tone to calm down Liza – even though he was crying as well. “I wish I could – but it happened when we were all asleep. Who knows who even did it?” 

Liza snorted, still breathing heavily and snarling, but she turned away from Malachi, desperately trying to compose herself. 

_“I can’t let my instincts overpower me again,”_ Liza thought of when she had hurt Flashstrike, and how she had sent that Riverclan warrior over the cliff and into the river. _“I can’t lose Malachi too – I can’t lose the last bit of trust he has in me.”_

Henry squeezed his way through the crowded cats – and let out a plaintive wail when he saw her. “Maria!” 

He stared straight at her body for a while, as if wondering if this was all real – he whispered under his breath, “Not you, too.” Angel’s heart panged with sympathy for him. 

_“She was the thread holding us all together,”_ Angel, even without seeing the past like she had, could tell that her, Henry, and Antstar had always been good friends. _“I bet whoever did this knew that – they're trying to mess with our heads.”_

Angel also remembered that dream she had many moons ago – the dream she thought was warning her about Liza’s destructive power – she shifted her gaze towards her clanmates, and sure enough, they were casting quick accusatory glances at the dark ginger molly. She swished her tail in an arc, creating a halfmoon shape, to signal to the others to let her through. 

Malachi and Henry dipped their heads in mutual grievance as she passed them to get a closer look, but she could tell without looking that Liza was side-eyeing her. She felt Christie give a twitch by her right side. 

Leaning in, the smell of decay hit her – which she had been slowly getting used to, being surrounded by it for what seemed like forever, after all – and she felt sick all over again. But she carried on her investigation. Lifting her chin, which was tucked gently into her chest and neck as if she had been sleeping (as was customary), she could clearly see where her throat had been slit – she bit back a gasp. 

Her head had nearly been torn off of her neck by how deep the wound had been. Any bugs that might’ve gotten into her wounds were replaced by sweet-smelling flowers (she remembered seeing Owlpaw and Halfpaw bringing herbs back into camp, innocently thinking that Malachi was trying to replace her). 

She remembered something else about that dream – the different colors of fur that had been lodged into Maria’s claws – _was it trying to tell her to look at Maria’s paws?_

She noticed Malachi holding back a cringe as she lifted the limp body’s paws. Using her tongue, she was able to separate the fur from the claws – and spit out the clumps of fur that had gotten stuck in her mouth. 

_Just like in her dream – there was brown-and-white fur. Her forgotten sister’s fur?_

_“But what happened to the black-and-white fur?”_ She wondered, _“Or was Starclan trying to warn me about Carpshine and Riverclan’s attack?”_

Finally, with a big breath, she turned to her clanmates. She tried to replace the sadness and loss in her eyes with something more fierce as she tipped her head to the clumps of fur that she had spit out. “This is not Riverclan’s doing.” 

She could feel Christie tense again – this was their chance. 

“How can you be so sure?” It was Stagheart. Angel’s lip twitched slightly. 

“Are you the medicine cat?” Angel had waited all her life to finally back-sass that crotchety war hawk – not that he was a bad cat, per se, but it didn’t mean that she had to like him. 

“ _Apprentice._ ” Stagheart added curtly. Angel felt a twinge of guilt for being so rude at a time like this (even though he had every right to be upset, her mother had just died) when she noticed, by the look in his eyes, he was grieving as much as she was. 

_“He - must’ve been one of the cats who had discovered her._ ” Angel thought. 

“Don’t fight, you too,” Malachi was beginning to sound like Maria. “If you have anything we need to know, then you tell Antstar before the gathering.” 

Angel could tell that Christie was shooting her a knowing look, even though she couldn’t really. 

And here was their leader coming this way right now. Stagheart turned around, giving a silent greeting to Antstar, his tail high in the air. 

_We are getting close to the truth._

* * *

Being on top of the skyrock with Antstar like this made Angel feel light in the head. She dug her claws into the hard earth, trying not to slip in her woozy state. 

“One of our senior warriors,” Antstar gave pause. He tried to avert his eyes away from his clanmates, but out of the corner of her periphery vision Angel could see he was hiding his twisted-up and teary-eyed face. “ _And most trusted friend, Maria, was found dead this sunup. Let us hold a quick vigil for her – I wish we could spend the entire day mourning for her, but there are sadly much more important things we need to focus on.”_

Angel held her head and closed her eyes – but secretly held them open just a sliver. She wanted to see her clanmates mourning for her mother, but then something caught her attention – a wraith-like cat hung at the edges of the group. 

_“Mom!”_ She nearly wanted to screech out – but she knew she’d look like she had bees in her brain if she actually did – plus, it could’ve just been any old Starclan cat, right? 

Antstar cleared his throat, and everyone stood at attention. “First off,” He turned to Angel – she jumped a bit, mind still lingering on the vision of the Starclan cat, but then quickly forced herself to soften. 

“We will be travelling to Riverclan camp with information that could prove useful to solving our conflict.” Antstar gave her a warm smile, showing her that she had done a good job – white-hot embarrassment pricked at her fur. 

“We will only be bringing Christie,” He nodded to the snow-white molly idling at the edges of the fully-grown warriors who had gathered at the middle of the group. “myself, Malachi, and Angel.” 

A murmur of concern arose around the group - _“what if you are attacked by Minnowstar when you go?”_ \- Angel figured they were all thinking. 

“I have heard from Squirrelstar that Reedripple is acting leader,” As always, it was if Antstar could pinpoint everyone’s fears and doubts and soothe them just as well. “So, there is nothing to worry about.” 

A pang of fear raced to Angel’s heart. “So, you say.” She knew, that it seemed whenever things were going well, Starclan just had to make sure everything would go horribly wrong. 

_“But we’re close to finally ending this. We’re close to finally avenging everyone who was hurt by Star Seeker and Minnowstar and the fourth.”_ Angel thought, for a second, that Christie and mom were reassuring her. 

_“I have to – we have to make this right.”_

After a bit of dawdling, Antstar had finally called off the clan meeting. Malachi had called her to bed, but she was still feeling all woozy and sick to her stomach. 

“Do you want some chamomile?” He shoved the small, white and yellow flowers into her not-too-eager face. She nodded slowly, suppressing a sigh so we wouldn’t worry so much about her and so she could finally grieve in peace. 

_That didn’t seem to be his plan, however._ He hovered above her, seeming like he was going to settle down beside her – but then a shadow loomed over them and stretched across the floor, grabbing his attention. 

_“Henry!”_ She could see the brown tom’s yellow eyes were filled with mirth even as the light was dimming outside. Liza and Christie were beside him as well – their fur was flattened against them, making them look as small as they did when they had found mom. 

He nodded to Malachi, signaling to him that he wanted to spend some quiet time with the girls alone. Malachi seemed like he didn’t want to leave Angel’s side, but he obliged – he shot Angel a sad look as he passed the brown tom. 

Now that they were alone, Henry had called them all to sit with Angel – she felt a bit embarrassed, a bit anxious, having them all crowd around her like this – but Henry’s kind words made her heart still. 

“I want to tell you something – maybe it’ll make you feel better, maybe it won’t, but -” He looked at Liza and winced. The kit he had always seen as cheerful and stubborn was staring blankly at him, as if she was looking through him. 

“I just know, that, though you can’t forget the people you lose,” His eyes misted over with tears that threatened to spill out, stuck in the happy memories of when they were all young – well, _younger_ he had to remind himself as he felt his good leg pang with that arthritis again – and had travelled to Skyclan together. “with every heartbeat, it gets just a bit easier.” 

_“I-_ ” Liza tried to retort, but then just as quickly as she had gotten out of her daze her whole body racked with a loud sob. Henry draped his thin tail over his shoulder, making soft noises. 

“Thank you, Henry.” Angel looked to Christie, and she knew she felt the same as her. She’d have to keep his words close to her heart. 

On shaky legs that seemed to always want to work against him, he got up on legs with a huff. “I have to get back to my own den. You girls have a good night’s sleep, okay?” 

Angel smiled a weak smile as he left. 

She could’ve sworn she felt that familiar soft and warm pelt smelling like incense brush up against her as she curled up against Liza and Christie like they had once done when they had been in the nursery together.

_“I just wish, I could’ve been able to say goodbye.”_

* * *

__

* * *

_“What’re you doing out here, Toadcroak?” Branchstep squinted her eyes, not believing what she was seeing. She yawned, her head still groggy._

_The loner they had rescued a moon back or so was stuck to Toadcroak’s side like a burr – they looked horrible._

_“They need help – Shnookums needs help.” Toadcroak’s huge eyes, that seemed to jut right out her flat face, grew so wide they looked like they’d pop right out the sockets._

_“So, Shnookums is their name.” Branchstep thought._

_“But you can’t bring a loner into camp like this – you told me you’d make sure they’d stay right there. We made a promise, Toadcroak.” Branchstep hated dealing with these self-righteous young cats – the image of that snarky, skinny as a stick, smiling cat that had charmed Minnowstar filled her head. She knew Toadcroak was doing it out of selflessness, but-_

_“You don’t have to worry about Minnowstar anymore! Reedripple’s leader now.” Toadcroak’s voice shattered in Branchstep’s ears like those splintering icicles outside of the medicine den._

_“We’re not so sure if Starclan thinks that.” She replied darkly. “Besides, Minnowstar still has his supporters.”_

_Branchstep could feel the prickles of rebellion that ruffled the younger molly’s fur. She could tell that, perhaps, Toadcroak had a deeper connection to this loner than they had thought._

_“Skyclan’s coming tomorrow, aren’t they? I heard it from a passing Thunderclan patrol – things will get better here!” Branchstep could tell she was kidding herself. She snorted, and glanced into the loner’s eyes._

_They were filled with pure fear, and a regret that Branchstep felt that she was familiar with. “We’ve both lost friends.” Her medicine cat’s intuition told her._

_“ _Fine._ ” This was becoming a repeat of what they had first discussed. “But, let me see to them first – you keep yourself out of this.” _

_Toadcroak’s ears and tail drooped. “Okay.”_

__“Anything for my friend.”_ She thought as she looked back at Shnookums. _

_“Go on.” Branchstep flicked her tail impatiently, trying to make the younger molly get a move on._

_Both tired and restless, as she sat beside Shnookums in a desperate attempt to keep her warm, she felt herself looking into the now-slushy puddle that reflected the starlight that draped down from the hole at the top of the den – she could plainly see three stars shining brightly._

__The Skyclan sisters. She had a dream about them moons and moons ago – one black, one red, one white – they were surrounded by fire that seared their flesh, torn to pieces by sharp glinting fangs, then got swallowed up by a great river._ _

__Another joined the three, shining so brightly it had drowned out the others with its great light – and just as quickly it had faded. Soon, another shared its fate as it flickered fiercely as if it was trying to fight the inevitable, then vanished completely. Branchstep’s heart nearly skipped a beat. Fiery red was the last thing that filled her vision before sleep gripped her tight._ _

* * *

_It seemed that every cat in Skyclan had learned to be wary of Riverclan’s scent – Malachi suppressed a whimper as they were enveloped in it. These markers were definitely fresh, even if this place was the farthest away from their camp._

_They most likely wanted to keep Star Seeker and his gang far, far away._

_The halfbridge creaked, sounding like the shrill cry of a rook, as extra weight was put upon it. Antstar had instructed them to do the nicest smiles they could muster when their guests of honor had arrived. Christie rebelled by frowning – even making sure to include her fangs. She squeaked when Angel kicked her lightly in her hindquarter. She forced a smile, but not without a sigh._

_Three Riverclan warriors were to escort them safely to camp. A dilute tortie dipped her head in respect for Skyclan’s leader, but Angel noted that she gave her clanmates side-glances, thinking that they couldn’t see her._

_She raised her tail in high alarm, signaling to the others to be on their toes – a ripple of tension wafted over them._

_“I am Ashfall. Pleasure to meet you.” She nodded her head towards the tom with the long grey and white fur that looked as if he had just taken a good soak in the lake. “Wetpelt.” The tom did seem the type for friendly conversation._

_A pale cream molly mottled with darker colors was the last of the three to greet them. She turned to Wetpelt, leaning in to whisper something in his nicked ears – they clearly didn’t know how to hide their true feelings about this – and the prickly tom made a very uncharacteristic surprised face. Angel tried her best to hide her growing contempt for these cats._

_“And I’m Prickleflower. Hope you can leave our camp in good spirits.” With her long snout pointing straight forward, the cream molly led them down the somewhat-marshy, sandy slope. The other two warriors flanked the group, roping them in so tightly it could be considered claustrophobic to say the least._

_As they passed through, the other two warriors talked loudly with one another, _“I wonder if Reedripple can receive his nine lives if Minnowstar is still around?”_ The dilute tortie’s voice was quickly drowned up by the sounds of the melting river gurgling besides them. _

__“I’d say it’s better if he doesn’t become leader – I mean, making Copperfish your deputy?”_ _

_Christie snorted as Wetpelt near her whispered loudly over the growing river sounds - _“As if having an elder who listens to weirdos who’ll tell him exactly what he wants to hear is any better? Riverclan would be better off if they had a rabid fox as their leader!”__

_Antstar grew antsy as soon as they stepped foot into camp – _it looked the same as it had that day_ – the wind played with the reeds, then quickly picked up speed until it was a droning howl, and the river made an eerie whistling to everything around them. _

_Prickleflower looked over her shoulder, to tell them they had made it – but with her withering look one could tell she was also warning her friends to stop blabbing to the enemy. “ _Well, have fun._ ” She hissed, disappearing with the others among a clump of reeds and branches._

_Reedripple’s head poked out from what Angel could’ve guessed was the leader’s den. He smiled at them, but there was a scent of tension to that smile. “ _Antstar of Skyclan! And-_ ” _

_Malachi answered Reedripple’s supposed question before he could even get the word out. “I’m Malachi, the medicine cat of Skyclan, though I’m sure you’ve seen me before at the gathering,” Malachi pointed with his nose to Angel, then Christie. “Angel’s my apprentice. And Christie here is one of our warriors.” Christie was still wearing that fake smile._

_Angel was both surprised and figured that Malachi still didn’t want to reveal too much to the other clan about their relationship with Starclan and of their powers._

_“We’re here to tell you about something important,” Antstar looked at each and every warrior of Riverclan that was beginning to crowd among them, acutely aware of the suspicious looks plastered darkly on their faces. He signaled with his tail to the acting leader that they would like some privacy. “If you’d pardon our intrusion – we know it’s busy around here, these days.”_

_The Riverclan warriors shot each other withering looks. Angel felt a knot curl in her stomach, fearing another fight with these water-dwellers. She just wanted to go home._

_“ _Oh._ ” Reedripple responded curtly, the tension building in his expression. “Come right this way.” As they crawled and crouched their way into the concave mud hut that was the leader’s den, Reedripple whispered something to a cat who was most likely Copperfish, and the pale ginger tom fled outside. _

_Sitting (more like squatting) down into this enclosed space, Angel wondered how these cats could stand living like this, all claustrophobic and constantly having the stark smell of mud of fish cloud your senses every waking moment._

_“So? Tell me what you know - I want this to end as much as the next cat.” She was beginning to get fed up with this Reedripple’s attitude – but at least he wasn’t as crazed as Minnowstar had been._

_Angel remembered thinking that Minnowstar was just a cat who had given into his own senses - _she thought of Liza_ – after having so many terrible things happen to his clan, his clanmates, and having been lied to by that snake in the grass – but it turns out, that might’ve just been his true nature rearing its ugly head. _

_Angel didn’t know where to start as Malachi’s waiting gaze bore into her. “Star Seeker has worked with Minnowstar before.”_

_Reedripple’s eyes grew wide, and Antstar choked._

_“It was a long, long time ago – when Antstar had first travelled to Skyclan.”_

_As she saw the distorted looks on their faces, she figured she should just move on before they thought her crazy._

_“There’s something else – there was a fourth cat prophesized to save Skyclan, alongside Christie, Liza, and I. She was missing, but we found her – she's in the twolegplace. And, she’s working with Star Seeker, too.”_

_Malachi let out a dumbfounded gasp. _“We aren’t supposed to tell anyone about the prophecy!”_ She could imagine him thinking. _

_“And so, you suppose we kill a cat that was prophesized by Starclan? What would happen if we do that?” Reedripple’s expression grew utterly grim._

__“I don’t know,”_ Angel mused, _“But I want this to end - I'm tired of all this fear and hate and pain.”_ _

_“Do you remember the cat that had nearly drowned in your river some time ago?” Angel was overtaken by something – somebody spoke through her, and she was not entirely herself – her soft blue eyes grew with a hardness and wisdom of cats that had lived moons and moons before herself._

_“I thought she had died.” Reedripple looked as if he would faint right in front of them. Everyone looked at unease (and ever so slightly filled with fear) as Angel spoke._

__“It’s her. It’s Petal. She wants her revenge on Riverclan. She wants her revenge on the sisters and the mothers that had abandoned her.”_ Angel quivered – the thing that had overtaken her had left just as quickly as it came, leaving her feeling hollow. _

_With that, an ear-splitting screech sounded out throughout the camp – and then the second noise, Riverclan’s droning howl-like warning cry, came too._

__“I’m sorry – I – Minnowstar’s gone!”_ Ashfall, the dilute tortie that had escorted them, rushed into the mud hut gasping for breath with a look of pure terror on her face. _

__Had Minnowstar been listening in on them the entire time?_ _

_“I think I might know where he’s headed.” Reedripple replied darkly, heaving himself onto his feet, kicking up sandy earth as he charged ahead._

_The group gave each other knowing, determined looks before following in Reedripple’s stead._

* * *

_“You’re lying to us!” Star Seeker had promised them everything – revenge and closure. But he was not going to deliver it easily._

_The gaunt tom took a staggering step back as the faceless cat spat their accusatory words in his face._

_“Your mother is dead. I can’t take you to her.” Star Seeker tried to save face – that was a lie too, of course – he knew Missy. She had left with the twolegs when the church had been abandoned._

_“Liar! That’s a lie! You told us you knew where she was!” Petal threw a tantrum like a kit, slamming her paws down into the ground over and over again._

_“I never said that.” He replied coolly. “How could you forget what I told you?”_

_Petal took a step back, and felt her (false) mother’s pelt brush up against her’s. _“You never listened to what others told you, didn’t you?”_ She heard her voice taunt her. _

__“Maybe mama is right,”_ Petal mused, taking a breath to try to calm herself down. _“Plus, he’s the only one left besides Troutpaw – Jacob and Mitzi and Bandit and Shnookums left me.”__

_“You’re right.” With that, Star Seeker smiled. With a claw, the gaunt tom lifted up the smaller’s chin._

_“ _It’s not just your mother who has hurt you – remember – your own sisters abandoned you, too. And the clans, too – they don’t appreciate your power like_ I _do._ ” _

_Petal felt the white-hot rag build up inside her. _“Yes - everyone’s abandoned me.”_ _

__“If I get that power – if I can kill them – then I can protect Troutpaw forever. We can finally live happily.”_ _

__Voices, Petal wondered if they were real, echoed in the distance._ _

* * *

_Minnowstar must’ve escaped the prison along with some of his supporters – as they were getting closer, they heard a multitude of voices and thrumming pawsteps on the brick._

__“Minnowstar!”_ Reedripple and Antstar called out to the previous Riverclan leader in unison, but there was no response – except a splitting screech coming from further ahead – they raced so fast it felt as if their paws would start to crack and spill blood all over the ground. _

_They all skidded to a halt at what they saw – Minnowstar, his supporters, Star Seeker, and two strange cats struggled amongst each other, looking more like a featureless rush of fur._

_Angel felt glued to the ground. Through the blur, she saw the lost sister that had haunted her dreams among them. Even as the Riverclan warriors tore through her fur, she was fighting as if she had all the strength of Tigerclan._

_Minnowstar opened his mouth if to speak – but a huge blonde tom, dodging the cats that threatened to tear him apart to defend their leader, pushed him to the ground and knocked the air out of his lungs._

_They watched on, not sure if they should interrupt or not – after all, their enemies were essentially trying to kill each other. Minnowstar had almost managed to escape the grasp of the blonde tom that was holding him down and tearing at his face, but that faceless cat jumped on top of him too – then he completely disappeared._

_The Riverclan warriors dispersed – perhaps too cowardly to go on without their leader. In the bloody circle of the center, lay Minnowstar and Star Seeker’s crumpled up bodies – Star Seeker must’ve been trampled._

__Christie and Angel had finally gotten what they wanted – but it felt ever so slightly empty, too._ _

_“It’s you.” Was all Petal could say, looking directly into the faces of the sisters who had abandoned her, and the leader of the clan that abandoned her and Troutpaw._

__Angel could’ve said the same._ _

__Fire lapped at the edges of her vision – a voice rang in her head, the same cat that had overtaken her back at Riverclan’s camp._ _

__“To take one life, one must be given.”_ _

__The fire was red. Red like blood, or red like her sister?_ _


	9. the lion and the rook

_Around Liza there was nothing, nothing. It was blackness, blackness choking everything out. She turned her head, hoping to see something here, but of course it was the same all the way through. She let out a quiet, resigned noise._

_“Wasn’t Angel the one with the dreams? Those terrible nightmares that woke her up screaming and howling?” She thought, moving forward though she knew there was no use to anyway, “Why are you trying to talk to me?” She raised her head to the sky, waiting in vain for an answer._

_She was accepting of her seeming fate – to be trapped in this nothing dream like Angel must every night, as she laid, tiredly, with her paws tucked underneath her – when a light filled her eyes and a voice filled her ears as well._

_It was sweet, calm, with the high-pitched twang of fading youth – it was mom – Maria. Liza, heart thrumming so loudly her entire body shook with its sounds, stumbled onto her paws. She couldn’t believe it._

_“Mom.” Was all she could say as the wraith-like, spiraling silhouette of her mother lowered its see-through head to meet with hers – even if her body looked as if it wasn’t there, Liza could still feel the warmth, the subtle pulsing of breathing as if she here right in front of her, alive as she had been before._

_“I am the victor, truly. Because I am here with you.” Star Seeker was dead, Maria knew. The cat that had haunted her and her children was gone, he would be forgotten as all the other cats like him deserved to be. She purred, smoothing down Liza’s fur just like she had done when she was a kit._

_“Still my little baby,” The images of Liza’s anger did not bother her as it did the others, because she knew as well as the other Starclan cats, Liza was herself – not a monster, not a killer. “Always and forever.”_

_And Liza began to cry. She cried, because she knew this would probably be the only time, the only way she’d see her again. She cried, because then she’d have no one else who truly, deeply loved her like her mother did._

_“Angel, I'm sorry.” Liza berated herself. “I’m sorry I think this way.” She knew her sister loved her, that she’d do anything for her now – but she still couldn’t help thinking back to then – when she had tried to kill her._

_Her claws flexed against her will, and it made her even angrier, even sadder, even as her beloved mother held her close – so close she could swear she still felt her head beating even though she knew she had died that day._

_Maria was alerted by something Liza could not see, and the embrace ended. Liza suddenly felt like a kit, wanting to cling to her mother just a bit more._

_“I don’t like it, but I visited you for a reason, you know.” The light in Maria’s eyes seemed to fade a bit. Liza’s heart clenched – the look in Maria’s eyes reminded her of whenever Angel had something troubling her (but of course she’d never tell anybody)._

_“I figured.” Liza turned her head to the side, not wanting to look into those sad eyes any longer._

_The stars lit up above them as soon as the words came out of Liza’s mouth – first three, bright, glowing ones that seemed as if they swallowed up all others in comparison. Then came the fourth, not as bright and big but still exceptional – it flickered for a bit, before growing so much that it threatened to blind Liza. One of the three original stars – the one she could swear had a reddish tint – flickered like the newcomer, before it vanished completely alongside it._

_She didn’t want to know what it meant, even if she knew in her heart she really did. She understood._

_“To take one life, one must be given.” Maria spoke, but it wasn’t just her voice – it was if many cats were speaking through her._

_To Maria’s surprise, Liza nodded. “My daughter is agreeing to her own death?” She asked herself._

_It seemed Liza read her mother’s mind. “If that’s the way to end this, then so be it,” Liza remembered the scared look on the apprentice’s faces when she had nearly torn Citruspaw’s head clean off during battle training – or when she had hurt Flashstrike, or- “It would be better for everyone if I died, anyway.”_

_Maria’s face scrunched up in anger, anger born of worry and hurt for her child. “Don’t say that.” She lifted Liza’s head with her paw, even though she reached far above even her mother’s eyes._

_“If I died – I'd be here with you. It’s a good thing, isn’t it, though?” Liza thought, for a moment, that maybe – with everything she had caused, how she’d hurt everyone – there was no place for her here. Her expression grew dark._

_She had heard the stories from some of the other clan elders when she went to the gathering - “truly evil cats get sent to the Place of No Stars, where they suffer in a world of nothingness forever as punishment for their crimes when they were alive”._

_“I just wish – that this all would’ve been different.”_ Was the last thing Maria said before it all faded – and Liza was awake, entire body shaking as she whipped her head around, looking cave wall-to-cave wall, uncertain if she was truly back to reality. 

She didn’t realize she was making such a racket until Angel peeked her broad face into the den, looking wide-eyed. 

“Reedripple, er – Reedstar now, I guess, is coming to visit come next sunhigh.” Angel would’ve thought her sister was simply telling her to be on her best behavior if it weren’t for the troubled look in her eyes. “Are - are you okay?” 

Liza wouldn’t dare tell her what her mother told her in that dream. 

“ ‘M fine. Just a nightmare, honest.” Liza tried to smile, but she bet it just made her look even more off. 

Angel laughed, albeit an ever-so-slightly sad one. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be having nightmares,” Angel’s muzzle came in, then her head – in soft, yet somehow mechanical movements, the black molly rested her head into the thick fur in the other’s neck – Liza flinched at this gesture, but she didn’t know why. 

“Am I afraid of _hurting_ her, or am I afraid of hurting her – if I were to die?” She wondered, looking into those small icy-blue that popped up from underneath her own fur, if Angel knew this was coming, too.

* * *

These curved pawsteps that dipped into the damp rock below his own, formed from ancient cats that had lived countless moons before him, felt alien to Reedripple – not because he was in awe – he simply did not understand why cats like Minnowstar or Star Seeker could put all their faith into something they did not know, could not see, taste, feel, nor smell. 

He was always the diplomat, that crazy old bee-brain Carpshine would tell him as he was growing up – that was the reason Minnowstar had picked him to be deputy after her. He was incredibly young, but he figured it was just because it was his rightful duty – that Minnowstar had faith in him as he did when he obsessed over things he could not see, taste, feel, nor smell. 

He could laugh at his younger self, actually believing Minnowstar was, smart, that he was righteous. 

Honestly, nobody but the most far-gone cats would follow Minnowstar after all the times he had risked his own clanmates, chasing shadows and dreams. 

“Are you going to take us all night?” Branchstep spat out, a few tail-lengths away from Reedripple, but he could feel her withering gaze from across Thunderclan camp. _“I don’t think there’s a need to worry about Minnowstar.”_

“What was that?” Branchstep probably thought she could pull a fast one on him, but Reedripple heard her (just barely, but still). He had to admit, he was thinking of him, but - 

Then the worries Branchstep thought he had crept up on him – _if Minnowstar was in the Place of No Stars, or was in any way unable to reach Starclan, how would he receive his ninth life?_

“A leader dying and going there has happened before, you _dead fox_ ,” Reedripple tried to ignore her scatching remarks, even as she had gotten ever closer to him. “What you should be worrying about now is fixing up his mess.” 

_“Thanks for the advice, you damned old bat.”_ Reedripple would’ve loved to say that to her face, but he knew he must respect his medicine cat, if anything. He had her to thank for this opportunity, after all. 

He could tell, as he stared at the crumpled and utterly pitiful body of his old leader when they had taken him back after the fight with the fourth Skyclan cat, if there was a way to save him as he clinging onto his final life like an adder in its death throes – Branchstep did not even bother. She had let him die, everything pouring out of him as he realized his legacy – a cat who lost himself and let Riverclan down. 

As he stepped into the hollow, closing his eyes in a vain attempt to forget about the past, he realized he felt the lack of Branchstep’s presence. Even as the sound of water dripping, then cascading down filled his ears, he could hear voices – _were they of Starclan, or was someone sneaking around outside?_

* * *

_“Toadcroak! What’re you doing out here?”_ The younger molly’s already wide eyes were as unfocused and big as a dead fish’s. 

_“Dead.”_ Was all she said, before collapsing at Branchstep’s paws. Branchstep figured that they would die – after all, they could never get better with Reedripple and Minnowstar’s meddling, their death wishes – _“you were always the realist, Branchstep”_ she heard the medicine cat before her’s croaky voice thrum through her eardrums. 

“I just wish I could’ve helped them.” Toadcroak sniffled, trying to put on a show that they weren’t a wreck by wobbling onto their feet, even though Branchstep could see right through her. 

“You want me to help bury them,” Branchstep guessed – Toadcroak had not gone to her dragging the body as she would’ve expected the younger molly to do, antsy and far-too-emotional kit that she was. “Then I’ll show you a spot.” 

“Thanks.” She said in a small voice – Branchstep angled her hip for fear that they would topple over in their adrenaline – those dead-fish eyes showed some defiant light to them, as if she wanted to say, _“stop treating me like some sort of lame kit”._

Heading towards their makeshift den, the heavy moon in the sky felt like it was watching over them, inviting death – a shape appeared on the reflection of the river, pale-golden like the midday sun – Toadcroak clung to Branchstep, as if they had stumbled upon a ghost’s haunt. 

“Shimmerspot,” Those green eyes, clouded with his age, staring back at her told her otherwise. “Visiting today?” 

A small nod, barely noticeable. The old tom let out a huff that shook his long fur. He must’ve seen the look in Toadcroak’s eyes, as he softened. “Don’t worry,” shambling over like the ghost she thought him, he touched muzzles with Branchstep. “I didn’t tell anybody about your little secret.” 

“Never thought you the type, anyway.” Branchstep eyes shifted to the den, then back to the direction of where Reedripple was. 

Branchstep seemed to want to avoid talking about Shnookums, talking about death in front of Shimmerspot – but he could guess what was troubling them both. 

“I’ll show you where to bury them.” Shimmerspot said, apropos of nothing. Toadcroak looked disturbed by his quick, unencumbered answer – even Branchstep was given pause. 

Toadcroak winced as she shoved the wet mud that squelched around her paws past as she tried to get a steady grip on the dead cat – they were heavier than their gaunt look from the sickness made them appear. 

“ _I’m sorry it had to turn out like this, Shnookums._ ” Toadcroak gave her final words to her old friend before she hurried to join Branchstep and Shimmerspot outside. The old blonde tom was facing away, still with all his experience with it not wanting to look at yet another dead body – _yet another dead body that he would have to bury._

_“I just wish she could’ve seen Bandit one more time.”_ Toadcroak thought as they moved slowly, shuffling through the muddy banks and dead wood that marred the paths here. Even though the night air was surprisingly warm, it gave her no comfort. 

“Here we are.” There were already two spots where the mud and slush had been disturbed – wood with strange claw marks etched into them stood proud above the mounds – it reminded Toadcroak of the twoleg burial grounds that she had discovered out past Riverclan camp. 

“An old friend – a, uh, kittypet – no, I shouldn’t call her just that – helped me bury my brother here,” Shimmerspot mumbled, answering the question Toadcroak had in her mind, waving his paw over one of the graves. 

Looking closer, there were letters etched into the wood - _“James”_ it read. The name seemed familiar. 

“So, Troutpaw must be here too?” Toadcroak immediately regretted the words that spilled out of her mouth. Shimmerspot grimaced, the lines on his tired face stretched, darkening his expressing even further. 

She wouldn’t give Branchstep anything even as she stepped on her paw – on purpose. She knew she should’ve have mentioned him. 

“Guess we better get started, huh? No use standing around here talking.” Shimmerspot was already digging his heavy paws through the quagmire, not even flinching as the dirt started to clod his whiskers. Branchstep and Toadcroak started to help in silent agreement. 

As Toadcroak dropped the body in, feeling numb looking at Shnookums’ face before it was completely covered up – she didn’t even realize she had been zoning out before Shimmerspot’s tail ghosted her muzzle. 

_“It’s never easy, is it?”_

* * *

Seven. Seven Starclan cats has come and gone, passing onto him their wisdom and their lives. He kept count, trying to ignore the aching pain in his body – the rational part of himself that had always held some doubt in the star’s powers was waning bit by bit, he could feel that, too. 

Reedripple squinted his eyes, trying to get a clear picture of the mist-like form in front of him. As it became clearer – he could feel his jaw drop. 

“ _Hello, Reedripple._ ” Carpshine’s scratchy voice filled his ears – he could swear it sounded like her lungs were still filled with freshwater like they had been the day they dragged her out of Skyclan camp. 

_“I thought you hated me.”_ She had shouted to her clanmates to “not believe his lies”, had become Minnowstar’s personal little tail-kisser after her mother had died – and, if he remembered the rumors correctly, she was the mother of _him_. _Of Star Seeker._

That must’ve been the real reason Minnowstar had made Reedripple deputy, wasn’t it? _Wasn’t it?_

“Hate is an unneeded thing here, I’ve learned,” Carpshine’s green eyes pierced through Reedripple’s haughty exterior. “Though that does not mean I forgive you.” Reedripple snorted. 

Those green eyes still staring at him reminded him of Star Seeker – and of Sagewhisper. 

He figured she’d still hold at least a little grudge against him. He did not care if anybody hated him, of course. He was still just – surprised she’d be the last cat to give him his lives before Minnowstar. 

“I know. Everyone knows. He was my kit - I wouldn’t forget even if you all would let me, because the stars know that I still think, have nightmares, of the way that curse had looked at me when he was born,” Carpshine smiled. A sad, knowing smile. “ _Good wombs can bear bad kits, they say. Or maybe it’s just in his mother’s blood._ ” 

Carpshine looked over her shoulder longingly, as if she expected her daughter to be beside her. “In the blood” drummed through Reedripple’s head – for all his ego, he still could never stomach seeing poor Troutpaw’s head bashed in like that, like he was prey for Sagewhisper to be rid of. 

His heart tightened – come to think of it, he had felt the same thing, looking into Petal’s eyes when they had found her. Those eyes reminded him of Sagewhisper and Carpshine, though he knew they couldn’t have been of the same blood. 

_Could they?_

Star Seeker’s knowing, smug smirk flashed in his mind. 

“Are you trying to teach me a moral lesson, here?” Reedripple snapped back to his usual self, staring right back into those sad eyes. 

“ _I’m trying to get you to understand, that’s all._ ” Carpshine touched her nose to the top of Reedripple’s head, and he flinched. He was not expecting her to be kind, or even to want to get so close to him, after all. 

“ _With this life, I give you the gift of understanding,_ ” The weariness in the old molly’s voice faded, and became as ethereal as the heavens shining above them. “ _Look at things through perspectives that do not belong to you or your own kind. Use this gift to put things to rest once and for all._ ” 

Reedripple tried to ignore the searing pain tear through his body as his eighth life was given to him. 

She was beginning to fade, starting from her muzzle, her body warping and ghosting through Reedripple’s own – he felt his fur prickle on the ends from the chill. 

“ _Use your understanding, unlike him._ ” Her voice came out in a faint whisper, before he could no longer even see her outline. 

He could hear the hushed voices of the Starclan cats all around him – his hackles raised. Where was Minnowstar? 

_Would he be so unwilling as to not give Reedripple what he rightfully deserved?_

Reedripple was ready to turn around and simply leave before he felt his presence, those cold blue-grey eyes staring at his back. He didn’t even need to look back to know who it was. 

“ _I will not accept you._ ” The dead leader’s ruff of fur around his neck was puffed out in such a way that he looked as if he was a part of Lionclan. “ _Not after everything you’ve done to me._ ” 

Red hot rage bubbled up in the normally stoic and calculating Reedripple. “ _You can’t just go around doing what you want! And what I've done to you? What about what you’ve done to your own clanmates?_ ” 

“ _Defiant, even in death._ ” Reedripple thought, as he stared into the cold eyes of Minnowstar. 

“I did what I had to do. Though I suppose I will never make you understand that.” With that, Minnowstar turned away from Reedripple – and the voices of the Starclan cats became a roar. 

“ _You cannot abandon me! Give me my ninth life!_ ” Reedripple screaming, sounding the most pathetic he had ever been – he felt like Minnowstar had been the day when Star Seeker had betrayed him – he collapsed to his paws, feeling his rage replaced with a deep pain that shook his entire body. 

“ _Gift of understanding._ ” Reedripple laughed at himself, feeling like he was outside his own body groveling at his leader’s feet like this. 

“ _I had once considered you like a son,_ ” Minnowstar let out a wheezed chuckle, “ _But you made it so hard._ ” 

He was gone. Reedripple let his head fall to the floor, feeling the cold stone beneath him embrace his fur like a freezing river embraces you as it makes your head crash against whatever it pleases.

* * *

Reedripple had managed to drag himself out of the Moonpool by the first light. Even the sun that shined above him seemed the reject him as he still felt the nightly chill weigh down his heavy-feeling body. 

Exactly what he figured would happen had happened. What would he do now? 

He had run into Branchstep without noticing it. She looked like she had been up all night. 

“So, what happened?” The disinterested tone of her voice told him that she knew exactly what had happened last night. He opened his mouth the taste the air – she smelled of mud, and of decay. 

“ _You stink._ ” He tried to walk past her, but she was tenacious – she followed at his heels like he had become leader or something – even though Minnowstar would never let him. 

“I took a nap last night while you were in there,” She yawned a bit too obviously, her whiskers twitching like they were feeling the heavy tension in the air. “Starclan has accepted you – _Reedstar._ ” 

Reedripple – Reed _star_ ’s jaw held loose. He had gotten what he wanted, after all. He would’ve been absolutely giddied with delight if it weren’t for the tentative look in the old medicine cat’s eyes. 

“I know what happened with Minnowstar – you don’t have to hide it from me.” Branchstep prodded at Reedstar’s shoulder with her paw, trying to get him to look at her. 

“He rejected me – then he said I ‘was like a son to him’.” Minnowstar had always seemed like a walking contradiction to himself – he would be strict to young Reedpaw, treating him as if he was his father (though Minnowstar had never sired any kits and didn’t even take up a mate once), then he’d goody up to him to try to get him on his side. 

“I saw how he treated Carpshine, how he treated you,” Branchstep let out a deep sigh – and sat down beside Reedstar, who hadn’t even noticed he was sitting until she did. “He made it seem like he cared when he showed off to all the other clans, but he never truly did.” 

Reedstar finally knew Branchstep in that moment. He saw it in her eyes – she was the one who had given Petalkit to Sagewhisper, had lived through everything that Minnowstar had put them through, and – hopefully, she’d be able to live through him, too. 

She was surprised as she looked into the young leader’s eyes. _“Reedripple, being emotional for once?”_

Reedstar smiled, not like Star Seeker would when speaking with Minnowstar, but like how she remembered he would when he was a kit. 

The smoke that always clouded her lungs these days seemed distant now, but the voices of Starclan reminded her that this moment would not last forever. 

_“The lion will draw it’s last breath as the fire dances, the lost one will be found and forgotten, the river’s school will swim far, far away – the two remaining stars will forget the heavens.”_

* * *

“I’m leaving here.” Toast had told him this morning. He could tell – from his tone and the peculiar way his whiskers always twitched when he was agitated – that he was really serious this time. “I can’t take this anymore.” 

“I’m going with you. I’ll follow you, wherever you go.” He had said without thinking – he'd already told him would dedicate himself to him – for all he knew, Shnookums was gone. This place was no longer a home, anyway. 

Tensions were high, lies had come to light. Everyone in camp seemed to be in a foul mood no matter what, especially Liza. He had heard Maria was killed, that’s all he knew. But it was apparently enough to finally convince the both of them to get out. They both knew was she was like when she was upset, when she could tear them both to shreds without caring, that unflinching rage, an unstoppable force that only needed to be set off with just one bad mistake to explode. 

They were both just simple, ordinary cats stuck in a place that didn’t want them, and they didn’t need. They weren’t warriors – they were cowards, and they’d always be. Just two wild animals looking for a home. 

Bandit’s jaw was giving him quite an ache – that was the only reason they hadn’t left sooner, oh, and the entrances to camp were heavily guarded from dawn to moonhigh ever since Maria was found dead. 

“We’ll leave just before the Waterclan cats get here,” The apprentice’s den smelt like dead bat. Just three sunrises ago Owlpaw and Halfpaw had caught one and stored it in some crevice to eat for later, which of course ended up rotting – Seedshade had given them a good wallop for that. 

“ _Riverclan,_ ” Bandit corrected Toast. 

“Who cares what they’re called,” Toast rolled his eyes, and drew a paw over his ear in a show of flippancy. “None of them, none of this will matter to us in a few sunrises.” 

Bandit tried his best to smile, to show he was feeling alright for his friend – his jaw still hurt, and he felt really, really tired. The night air blowing in from outside only made it worse, and seeing all those stars outside – the warrior ancestors – made him stomach churn with a weird feeling, a feeling he couldn’t describe. 

_But it sure did hurt._

“Do you believe in Starclan, Toast?” The words came out suddenly, as he rested his head on the brown tom’s shoulders. Toast squirmed, pushing Bandit away from the warmth he was craving. 

“Why would I?” Toast’s eyes shot from the stars to Bandit’s face, his fur ruffled up, his thin face dark and tensed. “They wouldn’t care about us even if we believed in them.” 

Bandit wondered if he shouldn’t have even brought it up at all. His jaw made a whistling noise as he let out a heavy sigh. “I thought maybe, if my old friend was dead, she’d be there with them.” 

Toast softened, perhaps feeling guilty about snapping at him – he swiped his tail over Bandit’s ears, and the blonde tom shook his head and let out an annoyed yelp – his ears fluttered, trying to chase away the ticklish feeling. 

“ _You know I hate that!_ ” Toast just laughed in his face in response – red hot embarrassment tickled at his fur and blood rushed to his still-flicking ears. 

“And I hate seeing you all mopey.” Toast tilted his head in a lightheartedly-mocking way, and was met with Bandit’s squinted eyes and “you-really-think-you're-hilarious" snarl on his face. 

“You were being mopey all day!” Bandit would’ve cuffed the younger brown tom behind his ears if he wasn’t stopped by the fact that – he was glad that they were having a good time now. He hadn’t realized it until he saw that Toast was smiling. 

“That’s called being ‘serious’.” Bandit’s nose was tickled with a tail tip, and he held back a sneeze. He really wanted to cuff him behind the ears, now. The blood rushed to his ears, feeling like the heat wouldn’t leave his head. 

He hadn’t really paid attention, what with Toast’s loving bullying, but outside seemed almost dead. Even the owls that screeched, threatening any cat out too late at night with a dance with death, were hushed. 

“Do you want to see what’s happening down there,” Toast must’ve read his mind, his tail pointing over to the sparse patches of greenery near the northwest edge of camp. “Y’know, to check everything before we leave.” 

Bandit didn’t have to even say, “yes”. Toast was already hopping down the ledges like a hare in a hurry. There was no telling him to “be careful”, either – he had disappeared before Bandit could even stretch his paws. 

“Are you coming, or what?” Toast said-laughed. Something woke in Bandit when he said it. 

_“Stop thinking about her,”_ He tried to tell himself, pushing those yellow eyes and that pitch fur away like it was a disease. _“You need to move on, already.”_

The chase was on – Toast was fast, but Bandit knew he got tired easily. He kept a jump and a hop away from the brown tom. They were probably waking the entire clan with their little game, but he couldn’t care. 

He felt free for the first time in a long time as the wind raced past his ears, making a funny whistling noise that made his heart beat even faster. 

“ _Chase me, Bandit!_ ” Shnookums called, playing with his heart. He wanted to ignore her, tried to push her away like they did, but he couldn’t. He looked over his shoulder, pleading that maybe she’d be there. 

Of course, there was nothing behind him. 

“Giving up, already?” Toast was calling him, too – he looked back just one more time. He could’ve sworn he saw something that time. 

Despite all his boasting, sure enough, Toast was laying down with ragged breaths beneath an aging shrub in the sparse foliage that often pricked the warriors’ fur when they came home from patrols. Bandit would’ve laughed at him if he had the energy. 

Looking behind, at the awesome cliffs made of red stone that must’ve been ten times older than they could ever be, Bandit felt small and insignificant – even the Skyclan cats must feel like that when looking at their home. One wrong step, and you could be swallowed up into the river. 

In a day or two’s time, all this would be behind them, nothing but a memory. He put his paw up to feel his collar – it was ragged and filthy, wasn’t it? He couldn’t look down, and he didn’t even dare to walk past a puddle, lest he see what James had done to him. 

“You should keep it,” Toast still looked beat, but his eyes were focused. “The collar I mean. It’s important to you, right?” 

Bandit nodded. He put his paw down. 

Toast gasped. Bandit thought that maybe he was still struggling to breathe, but then he heard the rustling behind him. He didn’t have to turn around, then – he had already familiarized himself with all the different pawsteps of the cats here. 

“What’re you two doing all the way out here?” Unexpectedly, she wasn’t angry with them. She just sounded surprised. 

“Leave us alone.” Toast spat, and Bandit’s heart clenched. “The one thing we don’t want to do is make her angry,” he wanted to remind him but he said nothing, as usual. 

“You’re planning to leave,” Liza had guessed. She had sat right down next to Toast as if he wasn’t the cat that would be the first to rip her heart out if he had the chance. “I won’t stop you.” Her eyes were kind, and they were still. 

“Why are you out here, then?” Toast was defiant. Bandit didn’t say anything, again. 

Liza’s eyes were sad, now. “I just wanted to go out for a walk.” The way she said it was uneven, like there was more to it than that, no, there definitely was something more to it than that. 

It was quiet for a long, long time. The three cats just stared at each other with some kind of unstated connection. A spider that must’ve been taking her nap on a branch somewhere above them came down and landed on Liza’s nose – she didn’t even budge, she didn’t even blink. 

“You can leave now, if you want. Don’t worry, I won’t tell Malachi or Angel.” She pointed with her muzzle to the beaten and treaded over sage bushels that lined the entrance, her voice quiet. 

Toast and Bandit looked at each other for a heartbeat – was this some kind of trick? She would use this opportunity to kill them right here, wouldn’t she? 

“Go. Before everyone wakes up.” She nodded her head quickly in that direction again. She looked back at the camp. Her tail twitched. Bandit looked into her eyes, even though he was honestly afraid – her eyes looked so kind. 

Bandit gulped – he was the first to head out. Then, somebody called to him. 

“ _Bandit!_ ” He looked back again. She was there! Shnookums was there! But she looked strange, like she wasn’t completely there, like she was a ghost. 

“ _I’ve gone now,_ ” She pressed her nose against his, and he felt a chill race through his veins. “ _But I’ll be watching over you._ ” 

He felt his whole body turn to ice. “ _Oh, Shnookums. You really are dead!_ ” He would’ve wailed it out to the heavens if he wasn’t so scared. 

_“Don’t be sad.”_

“How can I _not_ be? You were killed.” Bandit finally spoke, shivering like a leaf caught in a storm. 

“ _I died because I was sick. But Toadpaw and her friends helped me the best they could, Bandit. I felt loved for the first time in a while. It was a quiet death._ ” She wrapped her tail over his eyes, like she wanted to close them and take him with her. 

_“But - I could’ve been there for you!”_

“ _You didn’t have to do anything. I let myself die – it was my time,_ ” Bandit tried to push her away, but she just got closer. He could’ve felt her hot breath against his neck. “You need to live your life.” 

“I’m nothing but a coward. _How can I? We don’t even know where we’re going, what we’re doing – we're running away just like I did with you.”_ Even in the open air, he felt trapped, like something heavy was pushing down on him. 

“ _You’re not, you’re not a coward,_ ” She was getting harder and harder to see clearly. “ _You’re the bravest cat I know._ ” 

She was gone, but Bandit felt the heavy weight lift. “ _I’ll never forget._ ” He dug his claws into the loose earth. 

“You need to go!” Liza called to him, and he felt Toast rub up against him. _Did he really leave? Did Shnookums take him to where the ghosts go? He hadn’t heard or smelled or felt them, even though they must’ve been right there._

“ _Is something wrong? You just – froze for a bit back there._ ” Toast waved his paw in front of Bandit’s face. 

“ _I won’t forget,_ ” He saw her face clearly in his mind. She was happy like she used to be. “ _But I will live my life without her. I have to._ ” 

“Let’s go.” He told Toast. The brown tom nodded. 

He ran, and he didn’t look back. He didn’t want to look back. Toast was probably behind him – he could hear him running too. The rocky gorge and the greenery and everything became a blur. 

Liza had probably already left. He would have to tell her “thank you”, if he ever got the chance to see her again. 

_Who knew, something so violent and bestial would become the kindest thing to him in just one moment?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooooooo baby give it up for chapter 9!
> 
> i was thinking if angel, liza, and christie were to be given warrior names instead of keeping the names missy gave them, what they would be.... so here's my dumb ramblings + the symbolism behind them
> 
> angel -> rookshriek (obviously, it's a dark colored corvid with some white around its beak like angel is mostly black w/a white tail. there's chess symbolism (even though cats don't know what chess is lol) in that fact that the rook piece, although it cannot move for most of the game, is a useful piece as it can control tiles without directly acting, serving as a blockade. angel isn't an active player compared to her sisters for the most part, but she drives the latter half of the plot forward with their help. she's a strategist.   
> bird symbolism is that, cuz it's a corvid, it's associated w/ death. her nightmares often involve death and danger. also there's an old wives tale that if a rook abandons it's rookery (nest) it's a bad omen. the entire inciting incident is that she was taken away from her mother and lone sister because of the prophecy. shriek because it sounds good w/ rook + she wakes up "shrieking" from her nightmares.
> 
> liza -> cracklefire (there's a lot of lion symbolism surrounding her already but.... there's too many cats w/ lion names in canon sorry. there's not many other prefixes that sound good w/ lion and also fit her character without sounding too similar to a canon one. crackle is like the crackling of lightning when it strikes. she's very moody and she goes from being relatively calm to really really angry if you set her off. fire because... heee hooo there's some spoilers for the ending but she also has a lot of fire symbolism here too that goes with the meaning of crackle. also it just sounds kinda silly and cute lol)
> 
> christie -> rabbitstep (she's small and cute. rabbit's are small and cute. also rabbits are one of the major trickster archetypes alongside foxes (remember watership down?). she's not physically strong like liza, she can't even see or talk, but she can listen and use her enemies' words against themselves. step because antstar knew branchstep from when riverclan allied with star seeker and his cats, and he wanted to honor her intelligence and persistence despite her whole clan basically falling apart around her.)


	10. gonna swallow all your hate

“Let’s keep this our little secret,” Sagepaw sat up in awe at the spindly cat in front of her – he was strong and smart, he must’ve been considering how much faith Minnowstar put in him – and he looked down at her with what must’ve been the most intriguing eyes a cat could ever have. 

They were green, like how hers were when she looked in a puddle of water, but a ring of brown surrounded them like the beds of reeds that twirled around the elder’s den. They reminded her of her mother’s eyes. 

“Between us two, okay?” The soft, twangy way his voice filled her ears and the sweetness behind his soft paw movements as he smoothed the fur behind her ears reminded her of her mother, too – all the more reason to believe him, right? 

He trusted her, and he told her she was strong and important to him too – the other apprentices gave her weird looks and made fun of her. They all said her mother’s blood was tainted and she’d give her sickness to them if they got too close. They didn’t like her hanging out with Star Seeker. But she didn’t need them, she only needed him. 

That’s what he told her. 

At first it seemed scary, when he’d take her out here in the middle of the night like this and tell her things she didn’t understand (things she really didn’t want to understand, because they really confused her a lot), but he showed her he was okay, that she could trust him. 

“Do you know what death is, Sagepaw?” Was the question he was asking her tonight. 

“It’s when you’re not alive anymore, when you go to Starclan – if you’re a good cat.” Of course, she knew what it was. “A warrior’s life is surrounded by death – it chases at their heels like a shadow.” Branchstep liked to say that. 

Star Seeker’s expression changed – his face creased up and it grew dark – her stomach lurched in a sickening way. She didn’t like it when the adult warriors would make faces like that. That meant they were angry with her. 

“Oh,” She stared down at the dark water below, not wanting to see his upset face any longer. All the fish must’ve been sleeping, because the waters were very still. But then as Star Seeker spoke up again something stirred at the surface, making bubbles and funny noises. 

“You don’t have to die to go to Starclan – if you come with me you can go, too.” A trout, with scales that reminded her of the pale sunhigh light, poked its nose through the yawning darkness of the river, as if to touch her like leaders would when appointing new warriors. 

She pressed her nose to the fish, giggling under her breath. “Hi, little fishy.” She whispered to it though she knew it couldn’t understand. It thrashed and thrashed like she had hurt it with just that simple touch – she jumped back with a squeal – and it was still just like the water, then. 

A heartbeat. She prayed to Starclan she didn’t do what she thought she did. It didn’t move again. 

She looked to her paws, little heart racing thumpa-thumpa-thumpa till it drowned out whatever Star Seeker was talking about, even though she wanted to be a good apprentice and listen to him – they were covered with something thick and red. 

She tried to wash it off, but it wouldn’t come off. She was crying now. Star Seeker curled his tail over her shoulders – she felt like she’d throw up. 

“Are you scared of dying?” She looked back at him, her eyes wavering and big and full of fear. His face looked different – it didn’t look as kind. 

“I’m really scared.” She answered, through gasps of breath and through blubbering cries. “But what am I so scared of? I’m not going to die, aren’t I?” She asked herself – a lot of cats are scared of death, aren’t they? 

Even if they go to Starclan, they still leave their family and everybody else behind, and it’s really sad. 

“Then you don’t have to die.” He smiled a great, big smile full of lots of teeth. He looked less and less like her mother and more like a great big badger. The way his voice twanged when he spoke turned into a sound like claws hitting stone to her ears. 

“Or are you scared of hurting someone else?” He whispered into her ear, sending shiver upon shiver down her back until she must’ve scrabbled down onto her paws because she heard somebody calling for her. 

"Starclan doesn't love you, Sagepaw, not like _I do_." His voice filled her ears until it erased all other senses. " _Do you love me?_ " Those beautiful hazel eyes looked like the green beams of light that those twoleg monsters casted when they were awake as he _stared_ down at her like he was eyeing up fresh-kill. " _Because I'm not sure I can love you anymore,_ brother."

A black and white paw smacked Star Seeker across the face, sending him barreling down onto his back – Sagepaw didn’t even flinch – she looked up into her mother’s eyes. 

They were filled with rage. But this made her happy, this made her feel safe. Her mother would always protect her! 

“You stay away from her,” Carpshine spat, scattering droplets of saliva onto Star Seeker’s still-smiling face. She raised her paw to strike again, but something gave her pause. “Stay away from this entire clan, if you know what’s good for you.” 

Star Seeker just blinked, slowly and thoughtfully like he expected this response. He made no attempt to even lift a claw – Carpshine's jaw outstretched into a snarl but she still wouldn’t hit him again. It was like he was a messenger of Starclan who had come bearing bad news, and that Carpshine would be struck down if she dared to. 

He looked straight into those eyes, knowing something that she knew, too. Sagepaw watched blankly as her mother’s eyes grew distant, and that snarl of hers drooped down into a frown that pulled at her wrinkles and made her look even more old and pitiful. 

“You can’t kill me,” He put his paw to his bleeding wound in a show of melodrama, eyes narrowing in absolute glee as Carpshine shrank. “You won’t kill me.” 

“Mama,” Sagepaw wanted to ask her, as she turned away from the proud Star Seeker, as the old molly looked like she’d start falling to her paws and wail. “Was this your fault?” 

Carpshine said nothing, and Sagepaw didn’t either in silent understanding as they walked away from Star Seeker. 

He was staring into the water, maybe seeing what Sagepaw had seen, or maybe he saw something else entirely. Looking back at him, this cat that was beginning to feel so familiar to her, (was it because he reminded her of her mother, or was it because he reminded her of herself) all she could feel was rage. 

Rage like Carpshine. Rage that rivaled Tigerclan. Rage that bubbled up and became white hot and consuming and burning and made her ears thrum. Her fur bristled on its ends, her claws sunk into the marshy ground – she imagined it was his face splashing up, fighting against the river’s current as she pushed him under. 

“No,” His smile flashed in her mind. It seemed in just one moment it became so corrupt. “This was your fault.” 

The reason for her mother’s sadness. The reason for all this rottenness in Riverclan.

* * *

_Into the frothing and foaming, bloodied, churning current she swallowed his hate._

After Star Seeker had vanished, Sagepaw became even more isolated and bitter – rather than go out on the dawn patrols she always was so excited to be in, to be with the other apprentices (not that they liked her, mind you), she stayed walled-up inside the warriors’ den with her mother. 

Her eyes were glassy and blank. No cat, not even the concord and almost-spiritually understanding Branchstep, could get through to the troubled apprentice. She no longer lived to feel the joyous warmth of fresh-kill in her jaws – a molly that was once as muscled and plump as all Riverclan cats should be became an emaciated shadow of herself. 

She lived for one thing, and one thing only – to kill her half-brother and lift the curse that must’ve been plaguing her dearest mother and the clan that she watched crumble to nothing more than an elder and his few allies that held a faith in a place, in those who would not listen to them, writhing like a kit dying of greencough in its own filth of mistakes. 

The stars, her warrior ancestors, used to make her feel like she was seen – they gave off a warmth and light like no other. She was able to tell them about anything that was troubling her, and she was sure they must’ve been listening. Weren’t they? 

Now, they reminded her of him. They seemed to exist just to spite her, and their brilliance looked more and more like a show of pride and gloating more than anything. They said, “We are up here, you are down there, and that’s the way it always will be”. 

She responded back, “I’d jump up and tear you all down from where you stand, then I’d be the strongest cat in all the clans, we’ll see who’s laughing then.” 

They chuckled at her naivety that she thought she could just go ahead and do that. “See how that gets you, when you fall - and you definitely will - and fade out into nothing but darkness, forgotten as you should be.” 

She quickly got tired of arguing with the stars. She knew they were right, anyway. 

It went to her dreaming up various scenarios where she’d meet Star Seeker – they were all different and colorful, but they all had one thing in common. Her doing what needed to be done. Maybe she’d come across him by happenstance near those twoleg burial grounds shove his muzzle into the gravelly earth, or in another he’d be dangling off a cliffside – and she’d be able to see his smug grin turn to a fear grimace in an instant as she shoved him off into the yawning nothingness below. 

This was her chance. The moment she had been waiting ever since he had betrayed her. He was a ghost now, she could tell – because how else would she be able to see him? He was stuck in his own little dream world, like he always was, staring into his reflection on the lake surface. Even as his body began to twist and sway like it was running away from him, he raked his paws against the air where flesh would’ve been, desperately trying to reign it back in. 

A smile stretched across the dead tom’s face as he continued to admire himself. He pressed his nose to the water, then submerged his whole muzzle which turned to his entire face. It warped around the water, spreading ripples – then he snapped his neck back and let the droplets fall as they seemed to ghost around his body, leaving his wraith body dry, like they were avoiding him. 

Did he think he was pretty, or something? Sagewhisper snarled, the sulfur from the drainage pipe filling her nostrils. Does he not realize he is dead? 

Her claws slid out, not even disturbing the grass beneath her – her jaw held slack like a dog, as if she was already savoring the feeling of his neck between them. 

“Just do it!’ The voice inside her head called to her. 

But something stopped her. Blood spurting out onto the water. A small, lifeless figure beneath her paws - 

One day Shimmerspot had caught her dragging one of those traps that twolegs used to catch vermin – something that looked like a big metal set of jaws to Sagepaw - into camp. 

“What’re you lugging that big thing around for?” He must not have been able to get a good look at it, maybe he didn’t know what it was – or maybe he just was that old. His eyes were soft, filled with a sense of caring for her. 

“It’s for when Star Seeker comes back,” Her voice was high-pitched with enthusiasm, and her eyes shone with purpose – Shimmerspot would’ve let out a little mrrow of laughter, at how brave Sagepaw would be to go up against a cat like him – but he noticed the pried-open metal jaws of the fox trap (he knew what it was), and a hollow pit grew in his stomach. 

“Sagepaw,” He put a paw onto the young molly’s shoulder, trying to nudge her gently away from her little contraption. “That - that’s not a toy, honey. If somebody were to step on it,” The bile rose to his throat, thinking of his brother’s legs, all crumpled up beneath him, forced to drag himself around like an invalid. 

Not even the smile that always seemed to be plastered on his face, even in Shimmerspot’s memories, stopped those tears from falling past his eyelashes and down, down his cheek. 

That must’ve been how poor old Shimmerspot felt when she, when she- if she was alive the bile would’ve already made its way up her throat. She couldn’t lie to herself any longer. She killed Troutpaw for no reason, or maybe there was a reason that she couldn’t figure out. 

“I was selfish and wanted to keep Petalkit to myself,” She sobbed, swearing she could feel her mother’s breath against her neck. “Mama would be angry at me for that, wouldn’t she?” 

Maybe it did run in the blood. A sickness. 

“Troutpaw was innocent,” She told herself, trying to still her shaking legs. “But he isn’t.” A chill ran through her veins as the tom looked back like he had seen her. 

“I have it do it,” She dragged her paw out of the chokeberry she was hiding in – he was back to admiring himself in the lake. “This isn’t like before.” 

Even though it was so similar. She could feel the blood dripping down her head like when they had bashed it in. Like she had bashed Troutpaw’s in. 

Another paw. The idiot didn’t even seem to care – any other cat would’ve been tearing her to shreds right now. 

Her whole body felt like it was on fire and yet freezing at the same time. She was right behind him right now. A brown ear flicked, annoyed more than anything. 

“Sagepaw,” He didn’t even look surprised. The fear that must’ve been on Sagewhisper’s face soon turned to a grimace. She struck him right across the scarred star symbol (she didn’t have the time to think about the symbolism right now) and the old wound rushed with blood in an uncanny way. 

He wasn’t fazed by that, even as the blood blocked out his eyes – at least she didn’t have to look in them anymore. “It’s good to see you again!” He choked out, like she was an old friend. 

“I hate you!” She screamed it out like an apprentice would when their mentor would make them go on tick duty. “I’ll kill you for what you did to this family!” 

“I know you do,” His whole face was covered in blood, and it dripped down his jaw as he spoke, the pitter patter going along with the sounds of the water next to them. “I know you do.” 

He was trying to fake her out, wasn’t he? 

“I know why you killed Troutpaw,” Sagewhisper caught a glimpse of herself in the river – the side of her head was caked in blood and matted fur. “You wanted to make Petalkit suffer, didn’t you?” 

How did he know? Why did he know? Sagewhisper tried to ask him, but her own image in the river gave her pause. 

“That’s not true.” She said, her voice growing small and scared. “I loved her - I – if you’re some kind of Starclan vision,” 

“Petalkit reminded you of myself,” He said sagely, like he was reading through Sagewhisper’s mind. “And it scared you!” He burst out laughing, a screeching laugh that hurt Sagewhisper’s ears. 

She groveled at his feet. She felt pathetic. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry for killing Troutpaw! Please forgive me, Starclan!” She hadn’t looked to their guidance since she was a young apprentice. 

“Do you want to know where she is now?” He looked down at her, the blood coating his face dripping down onto hers and stinging her eyes. She didn’t want to, but she guessed she had no choice. This was her punishment. 

“She’s in the twolegplace, with Troutpaw. They’ll both be dead next moon, half-moon, maybe.” The casual way he said it sparked something back into Sagewhisper – had he done something to her, like he had to her all those moons ago? 

The thought filled her with absolute dread, and the blood rushed to her ears and flexed her claws. “I can’t let you hurt another cat,” She jumped onto him without a second thought, letting out all the pent-up anger and hate – she opened her eyes, feeling her claws hit something solid. 

“This isn’t right.” She looked down and saw, not his bloodied ghost, but his lifeless body. It looked like he had been run over by one of those twoleg monsters. Star Seeker really was gone for good – she couldn’t feel him anywhere, couldn’t hear his laugh ringing in her ears. 

She felt her own spirit give way. This was it. She had done what she needed to do, so she guessed she was going now. She expected to be scared, but she didn’t feel it. In all honesty, it felt like a weight had been lifted off her back. She lifted a paw to feel her face – there was no blood. 

_Was this her punishment, or her redemption?_

* * *

“You’re leaving? On the day before your warrior ceremony, of all them?” Wortpaw was always independent, didn’t like being told what to do – Shimmerspot figured he had something to do with it. After all, he always suffocated him with worry, not wanting his little brother to get hurt. 

He hated seeing other cats in pain – he always laughed to himself, if he was born into the life of a kittypet, he was sure he wouldn’t mind at all. He was never a good warrior, not like Carpshine and Hollysong’s or their mother before them were. Even when he was young and still had the opportunity to do such things, instead of battle training and arguing with all the other toms about the best way to kill another cat, he preferred to bask in the sun and give flowers to the young mollies – and they’d tell him how handsome he was, how his fur shone like the pale sun on a newleaf day (but when his brother was born that all changed!). 

Having another cat’s life in his paws was an even more frightening thing. Branchstep always badgered him about it and he’d always tell her, “And constantly smell like mouse bile and death, getting cramps in my paws?” 

Wortpaw just smiled, that smile he’d use to get out of trouble when his mother scolded him for venturing too close to the twoleg dens, or when his mentor caught him chasing tails instead of memorizing all the moves he’d need (when he’d get killed in battle) 

“What’ll you do? Where will you go?” It was honestly kind of sad, but Wortpaw was one of the only things that Shimmerspot had left in his life that gave him joy, gave him something to look forward waking up to. Mom’s age was getting the best of her at 15, and she’d been moved to the elder’s den about six moons ago, despite her tiger-headed protesting. 

Not that he didn’t have a love – Hollysong. Her name rolled off of his tongue like the way the river flows into the waterfall in Windclan camp, and the white patches that snaked around her black-as-pitch fur reminded him of light escaping from the pine canopies. But she could be so, so cruel. But he was too much of a coward to admit it, swearing to himself that she’d get better and they’d have a happy family together. 

“You are a fool in love, Shimmerspot,” Over the fresh-kill pile, when every other cat had gotten their fair share and wasn’t around to hear them, Branchstep had told him the way she’d tell a cat that they were wounded. “You give your heart out to anyone who’ll take it, then act surprised when they turn around and step on it.” 

That stung, but he wouldn’t admit, as usual. “But - Hollysong loves me! I know she does!” 

“Oh, does she?” She tilted her head, like one would when they were humoring a kit. “Is screeching at the top of her lungs love? Is talking to her sister behind your back about you love, too?” 

“I’ll go be a loner, but maybe not a kittypet.” Wortpaw licked his paw then drew it to smooth back his ears. He got distracted by a bird flying past, like this wasn’t some monumental decision that would change both of their lives forever. 

“But I’ll be worried about you,” With that, Wortpaw pouted. “If you get hurt, there’ll be no me, no Branchstep to take care of you!” 

Wortpaw smiled innocently again – he wasn’t even that young compared to Shimmerspot, only a few years difference, but it always felt like there was such a great distance between them. “I’ll be fine!” 

Then he was gone. That was how Shimmerspot remembered it – these days things started to blend together and it skipped lots and lots of things. He must’ve remembered “I’ll be fine”, because it was important to his aging mind. 

_“I’ll be fine!”_ Echoed eerily in his mind as the image of crumpled up legs being dragged by a huffing, coughing blonde tom too weak to carry on anymore – the only things visible in this swallowing snowstorm aside from his bright green eyes was a kittypet collar that shined in the minimal light - “James” etched into the tag. 

_“I’ll be fine! I’ll be fine! I’ll be fine!” It repeated in his mind, clashing with the images of his brother’s pitiful state and the black molly he had just buried a few sunrises ago. Bugs must’ve gotten into the den while he was sleeping, because he could feel them crawling all over him, and no matter how hard he shook them off hundreds more rushed in to spite him – some got into his jaws, gagging him, others swarmed into his eyes -_

“Shimmerspot!” He looked from wall-to-wall with bloodshot eyes – there were no bugs – he drew a shaky sigh of relief as he saw Toadcroak’s flat face poking into the elder’s den. He smiled a mirthless smile as she stared at him with an uneasy face. 

“You were staring out into space there, shaking like a leaf – are you okay?” He winced a bit when she started to sniff all over his neck and face – he didn’t want to be rude, but he sure didn’t like her fussing about him like this! 

“S’all right,” He licked his chest fur, trying to act causal. “Just thinking.” Toadcroak made a face, brows furrowed, like she didn’t really believe him. 

“Just be careful, alright? Branchstep’s worried about you,” Shimmerspot could’ve laughed, “We’re the same age, aren’t we? She needs to worry about herself,” He thought. 

“The weather’s warm now, but it won’t last forever, you know – we just want to check up on you.” Shimmerspot swallowed both a heavy lump in his throat and the image of the raging snowstorm as he closed his tired old eyes. 

_“Maria, James – I want to believe you two were happy.”_

* * *

Riverclan would be here any minute now. Christie had counted the heartbeats hundreds of times over – bored as always. It didn’t help that she hadn’t heard Angel nor Liza come around yet. Were they just too good for her, now? 

But she supposed she shouldn’t say that – she could tell they were both miserable, miserable after Maria died – their thoughts tasted like crowfood on her tongue when she read into them, and they made her stomach all tight and sick. 

Angel especially – did mom haunt her dreams? She hadn’t heard her scream in her sleep in a few sunrises. That was a good thing, though. 

“I thought we’d never smell those fish-breaths around here again!” Citruswhisker passed by, nearly stepping on Christie’s paws, followed by Halfface (he had just gone through his warrior ceremony a sunrise ago) munching loudly on something. 

“We should sneak up on them when they come-” Christie would’ve smacked him across the muzzle if she didn’t know better, but then she knew she wouldn’t have to when she heard Stagheart’s familiar heavy pawsteps. 

“When we’re finally on good terms with them? What, you both got bees in your brain?” Those fluffheads didn’t even argue – she could hear them walking away with a huff and a stagger in their steps. Even Stagheart knew not to mess this up – but she could guess it was his years creeping up on him, too. 

She heard a commotion coming from the western entrance, and that told her the guests of honor had arrived – Henry must’ve been sleeping next to her and she didn’t even notice, because she heard a yawn and his telltale grunt whenever he accidentally put his weight down on his bad leg. 

“Where’s Angel -” Another yawn. “And Liza?” 

“Reedstar! Reedstar!” If Christie could answer, she’d have been cut off by the cheers and jeers of her clanmates. 

The new Riverclan did not have an air of self-importance, that tingling smell of minty brush and earth of pride – he gave a feeling of unsureness and understanding. She hear his thoughts, and they were filled with self-questions and tangled answers. 

_“I would’ve thought they’d chased me out by now,”_ He spoke to himself, and his paws scraped awkwardly against clay. Antstar was steely as he always was, and Christie could bet he was looking the young leader right in the eyes. 

Malachi, on the other paw, smelt prickly with anxiety – as usual for him. She had to really focus, because he kept blocking everything else out! 

The cat beside Reedstar spoke for him. “We want to ally ourselves with Skyclan,” This must’ve been Branchstep. “And stop all, all this.” She saw Liza’s face flash in the old medicine cat’s mind. 

_“My sister must be the most popular cat in the whole lakeside,”_ Christie joked to herself, trying not to notice the flames surrounding, burning and the hurt expression in this thought-Liza. _“Too bad she doesn’t really do love; she’d have ten litters by now.”_

What was Reedstar so scared of? He hadn’t talked yet – his mind flashed with a black-and-white molly with a sorrowful expression, then to Star Seeker – she tried to resist the bile rising up in her throat when she saw his face. 

_“He’s dead now,”_ She tried to reassure herself. _“You saw him, crumpled up and dead like the scum deserved.”_

“We’ll think about it.” Antstar was probably looking Reedstar up and down when he said it – who wouldn’t, when the cat you’re standing in front of was part of a clan that had nearly chased out your own. 

Reedstar’s mind completely shut off – she couldn’t reach him. Was this some sort of bad sign? Should she try to get Antstar to agree? 

_Maybe they’d just have to wait and see – maybe Riverclan would betray them and it’d be a waste, or she might have to kill her own sister?_

_“Oh, Angel,”_ Her sister’s disturbed face from so, so long ago. _“Then I’d know how you felt that day.”_

* * *

What exactly am I running from? Her insides felt pink and raw like the skin around her face. Smoke filled her lungs and scratched them up, up but she couldn’t care. She kept running even though she didn’t know why. 

The red one’s green eyes looked at her. They were not filled with rage, or hate, but the purest love she had ever seen in a cat’s eyes. 

The white one’s eyes were closed – the blood rushed from her ears and spilled out onto the burning wood below them. 

The black one’s face was drenched in shadow – she was mouthing something but she couldn’t hear. 

Behind her must’ve been Sagewhisper, mother dearest – she turned around and was met with the face of the cat Star Seeker had told her to kill. They tried to embrace her but Petal could see them grow farther and farther away. Another face warped into theirs, different yet similar. Laughter spilled from their lips. 

The three’s faces grew dark, and they started laughing at her too. 

“You all rejected me,” Petal tried to speak but the smoke just further clouded her lungs. ‘I hate every single one of you.” She’d kill them all. 

_“Your family is waiting for you,”_

_“You should hurry.”_


	11. when you're a star they let you do it

_Was she mad at him? She had to be._

A sunrise turned into a quarter-moon; a quarter-moon turned into a half-moon. But she had every right to be upset – if he was in her paws he would’ve ran too, with all this stress, if he didn’t have his duties to fulfill. 

Sitting from the mouth of the medicine den, he could see the Whispering Cave clearly – Cloudstar’s face, filled with the pain of having been through this before, of not being able to save his clanmates, of lost faith flashed in his mind like the lightning that sprawled its white limbs (thankfully far outside the camp borders) through the sky. 

It reminded him of Liza, in a way – that quick temper that bubbled up into a boiling rage with just one spark – he'd be afraid of her if he didn’t know just how much thinking like that hurt her. 

Then there was Angel, poor poor Angel. She was making her, by this point, daily rounds around the camp borders again – she'd stop and sniff, stop and sniff at this and that until she had tired herself out and had to be dragged into the medicine den – she'd protest and mewl, “She could be scared and all alone out there and it’d be all my fault!” but she’d still realized she couldn’t go on like this and settle down into uneasy dreams. 

It had taken Malachi a while to realize it, but he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Toast or Bandit, the same time as Liza had seemingly disappeared. “She wouldn’t kill them, would she?” 

Angel would’ve blinded me for thinking that, he berated himself. What if she’s dead, and you’re out here disrespecting her like this? 

He wouldn’t have worried so much about her life – the life of prosperity and eternity that Starclan had given her – if Starclan themselves hadn’t told him, “To take one life, one must be given”. It was about her, wasn’t it? 

_The unkillable lion would be snuffed out by blood’s flames._ An uncontrollable shiver ran across his spine. 

Like she had sensed the knot growing in his stomach from fox-lengths away, Angel looked straight up at him – was the look in her eyes pleading? Or was it his tiredness getting to him? 

He wouldn’t tell her. It was best for her heart to give her just one sense of security left (a false one). He wouldn’t tell her about her mother, either. There was no reason to give her pause about her parentage, because – in all honestly, it was clear as day that Maria was their true mother in every sense of the word. 

She may not have been of blood, nor had she been the one to feed them when they were just kits mewling in the nursery, but she had loved them as if they were her own daughters. They were loved and they gave love and that was all that mattered. 

He hadn’t noticed that Angel had joined him, until her tail tickled his nose with its softness – looking up wordlessly into those blue eyes he could swear he saw Maria in them. She stared down at him, face looking sallow with stress and fear, for a long time. 

“It’s time to go to bed, isn’t it?” Malachi croaked out, offering a tail to drape around the molly’s shoulders. It looked like she wanted to smile for him, but a chuffing sound rose in her throat and she closed her eyes as if she didn’t want him to notice if there were any tears welling up in them. 

“What am I going to do,” Her claws dug into the clay-earth, and another lightning strike brought its booming clap, her eyes were half-lidded still trying to hide her tears but Malachi could tell she was crying. “Malachi, what am I going to do if I can’t find her?” 

Malachi didn’t know how to answer. He wished Starclan would come down and give him one be he knew they weren’t that much of a miracle-worker – he closed his eyes, taking in a long breath. 

“You’ll have everyone else.” He thought it sounded stupid. It looked like she did too. He couldn’t say he felt relieved when she turned and walked away. He just hoped she was just going to bed like he suggested. 

He would’ve joined her – if it weren’t for him wanting to leave her be in her misery – and the fact that he could’ve sworn that someone was watching him; he turned around and was met with those unfocused blue eyes and a dark nose scrunching up. Christie’s ears flicked and her nose wiggled, probably noticing Malachi had caught her. 

“Were you eavesdropping on us?” Her only reply was a satisfied little honking noise. Her nose scrunched up in a satisfied (yet somewhat sad) smirk, and it looked to Malachi as if some fierce light grew behind those eyes of hers. 

She wobbled past him, pelt ghosting his, and his spine gave another shiver. He loved her as much as Maria would’ve, and Flowerstem had when he mentored her, but there was just something so – odd, something mysterious and scary to her all the same. 

It felt like she could paw around at his insides and figure out all that was going on in his head. 

A buzz rose in his stomach – her tail twitched as if she felt it, too.

* * *

It struck the church in a heartbeat, and just as quick it was immolated in angry flames. Petal’s heart grew with a rage that rivaled those flames as she watched with bated breath as its wooden shelter was swallowed bit-by-bit. 

She just wished it had been her mother(s), and her terrible father being burned alongside it. 

“I’m scared! Papa, help me!” Troutpaw (James) squealed, taken over by his childish self. He was more Troutpaw than James these days – the brutality and loyalty that enamored her was slowly replaced by a cowardliness and fickleness just as the church was transformed into a burning wreck. 

“Were you like this always, my dear Troutpaw?” She asked herself, looking into those big, kitten-like eyes that were filled with fear that resembled way his eyes were filled with it one the day of his death (and rebirth). “Had I just not noticed it before?” 

But that didn’t matter now – he was all she had left. And when she’d kill her sisters that had abandoned her, they’d be able to live on forever in happiness. Like he’d promised the day Sagewhisper had – she couldn’t stop the growl rising in her throat – killed him like the selfish cat she was. 

“It’ll be the same as it always has been,” A voice mocked her, one completely unfamiliar. “You’ll still be lonely together, just with more blood soaking your fur.” A sound like claws hitting rock was shrill in her ears as the clearstone eyes of the church imploded in on themselves, scattering its fangs across the brick. The plants in the yard that grew tall and proud were reduced to nothing but ash as it spread. 

They both knew, that they wouldn’t care if it swallowed them up too in its war path if it meant that this would be their one chance to get their revenge on those who wronged them. Troutpaw looked so handsome, his face dusted with ash. 

Petal felt sad, but didn’t know why as she saw the face of that black molly, her face frozen in pain as the fire licked at her face like her mother would’ve (a twinge of jealousy came along with that image). 

A whooping howl like the dogs that prowled these streets sang along with the creaking of the wood and hissing of the flames, and made them want to cover their ears but they stayed. They’d wait here until they came. They’d wait forever if they had to. 

Troutpaw told her to look up at the stars, “It’s really pretty,” He said in a calm voice, unlike his squealing before. “It reminds me of when papa would take me out of the nursery to look at my ancestors.” He said it so wistfully, full of nostalgia of memories from back when everything was good and they weren’t like this. 

They sat down together, their heads angled up to the sky like they used to do when they first met, trying to ignore the smoke filling their lungs. 

“Papa always used to say mama was looking down at me from up there,” Petal knew that her mother, whoever she was, wouldn’t be. “I wonder if she’d be surprised at how big I am now!” 

There were four stars, shining brighter than the others. One glared and glowed until it engulfed all the others, then just as quickly it faded away – and along with it came another one. Petal’s throat screamed with pain and she let out a hacking cough as smoke invaded all of her senses - 

She now understood that this was all a message, but nothing holy.

* * *

Reedstar was woken up with the feeling of another pelt brushing up against his and the musty smell of old moss and dried up fish bones. Those signature sad green eyes met yellow. 

“Shimmerspot?” Reedstar could see in the older tom’s eyes that something was troubling him – even with how misty and distant they always looked, he could. Shimmerspot was just like that. “What’s this about?” 

The older tom looked over his shoulder for a heartbeat – the medicine den. Reedstar was about to ask him if he had figured he was going to die before Shimmerspot answered his question for him. 

“Branchstep has been getting all these prophesies lately, about that kit of Sagewhisper’s,” of all the things Reedstar expected to come spilling out of the elder’s mouth, it certainly wasn’t that. “She asked me to tell you about it.” 

“Old fool,” Reedstar looked into those sad eyes again – the gift of understanding that Carpshine gave it reared its ugly head yet again and a knot formed in his stomach – a knot forming in the stomach of this proud leader! “Who died and made you second in command to her?” 

If it wasn’t about that he would’ve already shooed him away by now. “You need to be more specific if you’re going to be waking me up like this,” There was also a small part of him that endeared him to this old fool, but he wouldn’t admit it to himself. 

“That kit’s gonna die, one of the Skyclan cats too,” He was keeping his voice down, as if he was afraid Starclan themselves could hear them. “And I want you to take me there, to twolegplace.” 

You could’ve heard a feather drop. 

Reedstar let out an exacerbated chuckle. “ _I was waiting on Skyclan to take us there, in case they needed help!_ ” Though he’d guessed they didn’t need it now, if Petal or whatever her damn name was would die. “Besides, what business do you have? What business do I have, going there?” 

Shimmerspot let out a long sigh, as if he had been holding his breath in the entire time they had been talking. Those eyes looked even more pitiful, now. “Troutpaw’s my son.” 

Reedstar was wondering if the tom’s age had finally gotten to him – talking about his son, his _dead_ son apropos of nothing. “ _Carpshine had been like that too, when Sagewhisper was murdered._ ” 

“I heard a blonde cat that looked just like him was with Petal, when Minnowstar had died,” Reedstar figured Copperfish had gone blabbering to everyone about what had happened, as per usual. “And - he visited me!” Shimmerspot’s eyes grew wide like a he was telling a kit a tall tale, and his voice croaked. 

“Troutpaw visited me, at least I think it was Troutpaw – he seemed – different, like a grown cat wearing my son’s skin to torment me!” The thought of some – _evil spirit_ or whatever this was, wearing another cat’s flesh was like what Minnowstar would’ve believed, but it made Reedstar’s stomach crawl with a nasty, disgusted feeling all the same. 

Shimmerspot’s face grew dark and sad again, his aging features becoming etched with wrinkles and creases. “It - doesn’t matter what he is or what he wants. But he’s my son and I want to see him again, just once – even in death, even just an illusion, I want to see him one last time,” He was pleading now. “Just hear an old cat out, please, old friend?” 

Reedstar was smart, but not heartless. He nodded, slowly. “Let’s not keep your boy waiting, huh?” Shimmerspot smiled, and Reedstar must’ve been able to force a laugh out of him. 

They walked together in complete, understanding silence until they got to the halfbridge. Reedstar stopped – wouldn’t Copperfish be upset if he went anywhere without telling him first? 

“If you’re wondering about Copperfish,” Reedstar winced as he noticed the odd way the older tom was walking – would he be able to make it all the way to twolegplace? “Branchstep took care of him for me.” 

They both chuckled at that. “She’s probably _still_ yelling in his ears!” 

“About Branchstep – what did Starclan tell her, exactly?” Shimmerspot made a face, like he knew Reedstar was going to ask him that exact question – but didn’t want to answer. 

A long bout of awkward silence, and both of the cat’s faces scrunched up in a mixture of hesitance and impatience. “Are you two trying to hide something from me?” It spilled out of Reedstar’s mouth like a hiss – even now, he was still had shades of that zippy, manipulative, and impatient tom Shimmerspot knew him as when he was just an apprentice. 

“No, we would never, I,” Shimmerspot’s chest clenched, and if a cat could turn green with stress, he would’ve rivalled the algae-stained waters of their camp. A drew another breath – even though he Reedstar was younger than him, Shimmerspot was old enough to know better, old enough to know what happens when you disobey the leader’s orders - though he knew he could never be like Minnowstar, no, Reedstar could grow and change, be a kinder cat than he ever was in those 17 years of his miserable life. 

“A black and white molly came to her in her dreams one night and – told her everything, about the four stars and the fire,” Even though Shimmerspot was not the one who dreamt it, he could still see the image of that poor cat screeching in pain as the fire lapped at their pelt, swallowing them up. 

Reedstar’s yellow eyes widened until they looked like full moons. “ _Carpshine?_ ” He thought Carpshine had found her peace and would leave her old clanmates alone. 

“ _It wasn’t Carpshine._ ” Was all Shimmerspot said, yet Reedstar’s stomach still tightened, and he’d probably turn green too – if he could. He knew exactly who that could be - 

_It was just like Troutpaw, her face been bashed into the rocks until the right side was nothing more than a pulpy mass of flesh clinging desperately onto the other half._

“She looked like she had found her peace, though, that was what Branchstep said was the strange thing.” It seemed Shimmerspot knew, too. 

“Do you, do you ever think you could forgive her? Could you forgive Sagewhisper?” When Troutpaw had died, that was the only time any Riverclan cat had seen Shimmerspot when he was truly angry. 

“I don’t think even she’d be able to forgive herself,” Reedstar was awed by the almost sage-like air to Shimmerspot in this moment. “Besides, it’s behind me now. Getting angry won’t bring him back.” 

They could already spot the broken halfbridge that told them they were nearing twolegplace – and Windclan territory – Reedstar winced knowing that Maggotstar was becoming more and more aggressive with patrols as the moons went by. Shimmerspot seemed to taste his companion’s tension in the air, as he started to pick up the pace just so he could meet the younger tom’s face. 

“There’s no need to worry - you've taken this exact path before, right?” If this had been any moment that wasn’t now Reedstar would’ve rejected Shimmerspot’s offer to drape his tail over his shoulders. “Just need to get past the thunderpath.” He said as if he was mulling the route over in his head. 

Reedstar hadn’t noticed it before, but Shimmerspot had all the qualities of a good leader – even though he knew the old cat’s heart would probably combust if he told him that – he'd make him deputy instead of Copperfish if he’d agree to it. And, he was beginning to see to him as a father, more than Minnowstar could ever hope to be whenever he told Reedstar how “proud of him” he was (what a load of mouse-dung!). 

He would’ve told him right then and there, but even in the early dawn twoleg monsters rolled over the acrid black hills that stretched the length of the path in large packs – Reedstar let out a huff as he grabbed the older tom’s shoulder in his jaws – despite the fact that he didn’t seem too happy about being treated like this, Shimmerspot seemed to acknowledge that straying too far behind or the chance of arthritis giving him pause could mean he’d be splayed dead on the ground like the roadkill that scattered the grass along the edges. 

They both rolled onto the other side, their limbs caught in the others – it was uncomfortable as all get out, but they were glad to be alive! 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Reedstar could’ve laughed out loud if he still wasn’t so tense – Shimmerspot getting an attitude? That was Branchstep’s thing. 

They squinted their eyes in the direction of the horizon – but it reached their nostrils before their eyes could. Smoke hugged its dark arms around the roofs of the buildings and stretched out into the grey-blue sky above, making it hazy and ambiguous. 

Shimmerspot’s jaw was slack – Reedstar noticed the hesitant twitch in his paws, like he was mulling over whether he should just go back home or not. This was his chance, to tell him what he felt about him. 

“Shimmerspot, mind if we rest?” Reedstar tried his best to act casual, splaying himself out onto the smoke and monster-breath smelling grass. 

“I’m not heading back, if that’s what you think,” Shimmerspot stood defiant above his leader. “I’m going to see Troutpaw if it’s when I draw my last breath!” 

Reedstar interrupted the other’s triumphant speech. “I respect you so much, Shimmerspot – a lot more than I did Minnowstar.” Shimmerspot’s face looked as if he ate something rotten. 

“I guess I just want to say that I'm thankful for you being there for me, and Branchstep, too.” Shimmerspot stared at Reedstar like he was staring at a facsimile of the haughty cat he always knew. “And, maybe, I wish – that you were my father? It’s hard to explain, the way I feel when I realize how Minnowstar would manipulate me with that exact mouse-dung, but I really do feel like you-” 

Shimmerspot hushed the stream of words out of Reedstar’s mouth with a wave of his tail. “Who are you and what did you do to Reedripple?” Reedstar’s shoulders slumped, and he didn’t realize he had been holding them tight that long – a laugh escaped his lips. 

“I appreciate it, kit.” Reedstar’s heart skipped a beat as the older tom rested his heavy head onto his shoulders. “Let’s get going. Troutpaw’s waiting for his papa.” 

“And Petal will be waiting for her family in Skyclan, right?” 

Looking at the smoke that was spreading further and further until it reached the sparse trees that sat above them and clogged their lungs, the two toms didn’t know what they were getting into, but it didn’t really matter. 

This would all end eventually, and maybe things would get better. 

Reedstar would’ve laughed at himself for thinking so idealistically. But maybe that’s just what he needed.

* * *

It didn’t matter how long it had been since she had seen Skyclan camp, seen her sisters or her clanmates, since she had a bite to eat. What mattered was fulfilling her mother’s prophecy and ending this for once and all. Even the faint smoky taste in the air that made her lips curl (it felt familiar, for some reason) didn’t give her pause. 

There were two figures in the distance – her heart clenched when she saw that they were blonde and brown-and-white as Angel had told her they were – this is it, Liza, do it now her mind screamed at her, but she knew couldn’t be them, not all the way out here. 

The Riverclan smell that at this point made her want to vomit that was carried upwind, even though the smoke-stench that was growing ever stronger, told her it wasn’t. 

Even if she had to die for it, she’d do whatever it took to make sure no one would be hurt again (to make sure she’d never be able to hurt anyone again). Her claws brunched up the monster-breath smelling grass, and this time she imagined she was ripping her own throat out, relishing in the feeling of the blood rushing out of that animal that ruined her clan's life as she stared back down at herself with eyes filled with nothing. 

She could swear she could feel her paws grow sticky. 

It was strange – if she hadn’t heard it from the Star’s themselves, that she had to give up her own life – she'd instead probably be imagining that blonde tom or the fourth's body being flung up in the air as she hunted them down and snuffed out their lives like prey to be caught for her clan. It was like she was waiting in the grass, sneaking up on herself in third-person – an out of body experience like Angel always said her dreams felt like. 

“ _Is my life nothing more than a dream, now?_ ” If she was the happy, rambunctious kit like she used to be she wouldn’t be troubling herself with hard questions like these – she'd be too busy training with Rosebush – she tried to stamp out the image of her mentor’s snobbish look. “ _It sure feels like it.”_

She hadn’t taken this path in a long time. It’d be nostalgic if she didn’t know exactly why she was taking it again – she could swear she had memorized the feeling of the strange grass, not fresh like the stuff that would grow near camp, and the twoleg smells that seemed to blend together, and all the buildings that were so tall it made her dizzy when she’d try to see if she could see the top of them. 

And there was that strange, sickly-looking tom, too. Star Seeker. Angel and Christie always seemed upset whenever Malachi or Antstar would mention him – she knew he was lower than a rat, but it was if he had been the one to end mom’s life to them. 

She realized, that Malachi never told them exactly what happened to her. But Liza could guess that the fourth had something to do with it. 

Her paws carried her through the endless narrow roads and lines of buildings – a dog caged up behind metal bars barked madly at her, but she didn’t even turn her head to look at it. She wondered what kind of pain Henry must’ve felt when the dog bit his leg like in the stories he’d always tell her. 

_“It probably hurt a lot,”_ She stared up at the church that was completely engulfed in flames- no doubt the source of all that smoke, and felt a strange mix of emotions well up inside her and tighten her chest. _“I wonder if this’ll hurt too.”_

The blonde tom was sitting outside, like he was frozen in fear (he wouldn’t notice if she just snuck up on him and-) and the fourth was nowhere to be seen – she could guess she had run into the burning church. 

She was being led into her death, but she didn’t really care.

* * *

Her pads were cracked and sore from pacing from one edge of the camp to the other, but her heart carried her on. She couldn’t give up, not until she found Liza! 

She eyed the horizon, and could swear she saw smoke mixing in with the clouds above. If she hadn’t been able to find Liza after all this time, then that meant she had crossed clan borders and was Starclan knows where. But Antstar had issued an order that not she nor Christie were allowed out of camp borders. 

Not until Malachi had received his message from Starclan – but she knew how secretive he could be, even with Antstar himself. 

“I know she can’t die – even Rosebush told me not to worry about her too much when we have so much on the line along with her,” She had seen her sister come back to life when she had given her the deathberries – something she’d never forget. “But what if Starclan takes back their promise to her? What if she ends up like mom?” 

She set one paw, ever so carefully, onto the freshly-scented border line. A rustle behind her sennt her hairs straight up – she jumped around with tears welling up in her eyes, believing that Maybe Liza had come back to her, but- 

She felt her own tail droop behind her. It was just Malachi and Christie. 

“I told Antstar, so don’t worry about it. You can go now.” Angel didn’t know why, but Malachi’s calmness felt fake. Christie twitched beside him in an odd way that told her maybe she felt it, too. 

“I’m going to look for Liza,” She said confidently, like he hadn’t seen her march across the scent borders countless times. “So, don’t tell anyone I went out, got it?” 

Christie twitched again. Angel could feel it – did she sense a bit of anger in her sister? The white molly put both her paws forward, like she wanted to stop her sister, like she wanted to tell her something. 

Angel looked forward, trying not to look into the eyes of the cats that wanted to stop her on her mission – the smoke she thought she had imagined was definitely real – she felt it clog up her nostrils and scratch at her throat like her sister always did in her nightmares. It was a warning sign as bright and garish as it could be, but- 

She looked back. A bad move. Malachi stared at her with half-lidded, sad eyes. “If you’re going to go, take us with you.” 

Angel would’ve protested, she should’ve protested, but she nodded anyway and her sister and her mentor flanked her sides – their pelts felt prickly against hers, not soft. She felt her chest tighten like the smoke had gotten through even though they were still so far away. 

Another warning sign. 

“I think we should stop by Shadowclan and ask them if they’ve seen her. Their borders are near the Riverclan side to get to the Twolegplace,” The tom’s bushy tail swirled on the ground like he was trying to make a mental map of the path Liza might’ve took. “If she’s anywhere, she’d be going there.” 

Angel thought of that wiry little Shadowclan cat her sister used to be apprenticehood sweethearts with, and figured it wasn’t just a matter of convenience that Malachi would’ve suspected Liza would go near there. 

“Yeah. Windclan would probably chase us out if we asked, anyway.” 

Shadowclan’s camp was never far. Maybe the reason Liza fell in love with one of those musty brutes was because she’d never have to walk far to visit them? Angel got some humor from imagining Liza cuffing her ears for daring to call her lazy. 

Christie hid behind a clump of ferns as the other two approached the scent border – Angel didn’t take her for the cowardly type, but maybe she knew something they didn’t. 

Malachi held his tail erect – from what few glimpses of warrior training Angel saw, she knew it meant “stop”. Before she could ask him to wait a second, he disappeared over thick undergrowth. 

“Strange - there’s no patrols. Let’s, uh, go on I guess.” Malachi called from upwind – Angel felt Christie shiver behind her. 

A black shape rushed out of the deadwood that surrounded them at all sides – and Malachi barreled onto his side with a huff – Angel stayed behind, maybe out of her own brand of cowardice, or because she knew who it was before she even heard her voice. 

“It’s you!” Flashstrike jumped off of the Skyclan medicine cat like he was a mouse she was playing with. Then her expression went from jovial to disappointed as green eyes met Angel’s blue. 

“And you,” She could tell that Flashstrike never liked her – she didn’t know if it was because she’d always blab to Rosebush and Malachi about Liza and her’s secret alone time, or if she saw her as competition for Liza’s attention. “What’s up? What mouse-brained reason do you Skyclan cats have to be snooping around out here?” 

That causal, sing-song tone made Angel sick to her stomach – did this cat even love her sister? Did she not notice that she had not come around in moons? Was she not worried about her supposed mate’s safety? 

She understood Liza’s rage, imagining squeezing her paws around this airheaded molly’s thin throat. 

“ _Shut up! We came here to ask you a damned question – and you better answer it!_ ” An expression completely foreign to Flashstrike, fear, filled Angel’s eyes as she shouted in her face. 

“Hey - Angel!” Malachi dragged her away by the tail – she'd screech if she didn’t know it would attract the whole of Shadowclan. 

A larger black shape hobbled over the deadwood like his legs were aching him. He huffed something out Angel could barely understand, “ _Hah - hermgh – Flash,_ ” 

He certainly looked like her – Flashstrike. His beady dark eyes squinted, looking over the three Skyclan cats with judgement, but he didn’t seem unkind. 

“Who’re these,” The black tom’s thin tail cracked in the loose direction of the others. “Cats, Flashstrike?” 

“Oh, Croweyes,” Malachi’s eyes were soft. He must’ve seen him at the gathering, once. “We came to ask you and your daughter if you’ve seen someone?” 

Flashstrike pouted, most likely not wanting her father to speak over her. Angel wanted to spit right between her eyes. 

Croweye’s expression softened, and he let out a little huff. “I could hear.” Angel felt the blood rush to her ears. 

“It’s Liza,” The look in those beady dark eyes had a hint of bemusement to them at the mention of Angel’s sister. “Y’know, fur like alder bark and green eyes? Big?” Croweyes chuckled right into Malachi’s face. 

“Oh, yup. I know her.” A sly smile stretched across the black tom’s muzzle, and Flashstrike shrunk as if she was trying hide behind him like a shy kit would. 

“You knew about me and Liza?” She’d be bright red if she could at this point. 

All Croweyes did was nod. “I think I saw her going by Riverclan territory, probably to go to the twolegplace,” Before the tom could finish, Angel burst ahead as if she was being controlled by something. 

“There was something – strange about her though. Looked as if she was in a trance.” Was the last thing she heard before she barreled down the sandy earth. 

_“Those two have something in common, after all,”_ Flashstrike could sigh, imagining her love’s soft face coupled with those claws that could shred her in a heartbeat. _“That beautiful anger that makes my heart skip!”_

Angel was angry, all right – angry at that cat who called herself a sister but was nothing but an evil spirit sent from the Place of No Stars to torment her, to torment her family. 

_I once thought you might’ve been Liza, but now I know who the real evil is._

* * *

Liza felt nothing as the blonde tom’s scream was cut off with the bubble of blood rising in his throat. But then her stomach lurched as she felt warm stickiness fill her mouth and spill out onto her fur – this was exactly what she didn’t want. To hurt another cat ever again. 

“Papa, why didn’t you help me?” Liza let him go as he whispered it out among the river of blood coming out of his mouth. She hadn’t noticed it, but his body seemed to shift and morph from that of an adult cat to a young apprentice – heavy and bloated with water, paws and muzzle tinged the same green as the broken bottles that lined the wreckage here, sockets sunken in and eyes bulging out, and streaks of blood coating the right side of his face that Liza couldn’t have made. 

It was as if he was a specter that had donned the flesh of some other cat – and when she had killed him the facsimile was destroyed. 

She turned her head to the church – its skin had been melted away by the flames and its skeleton exposed like picked fresh-kill. A gleam or maybe a glimmer of eyes among the red burning hot and blackness of the rising smoke-sky meant they were watching her. 

It’s as if her sister was calling to her, “Join our mother and I in death.” 

She was being summoned; she was sure of it. And she would heed the call, as it was her destiny, her mission - 

She closed her eyes, trying the calm the shaking in her paws (was she shaking because she was scared to die or was it because she just killed that tom). Going through what was once the entrance – her mind was a haze, as if it was trying to block out some repressed memory - reduced to crumbled woodgrain, the fire didn’t even burn when it lapped at her cheek. 

And not even a wince as it enveloped her – she let out a squeak as her paw was caught on a hole in the floor – but she ripped it out, a move that would’ve left half her fur off if she didn’t have her power. She was walking on autopilot towards the stairs. 

She raced up them now, before they could break under her weight. She ran, and ran up this seemingly endless climb as something made her throat scratch. She swallowed, the feeling reminding her of that time with the berries. 

A sinking feeling started to catch a hold of her stomach – looking wildly through the black haze and the wobbling visions around the flames, she couldn’t see a hair of that damned cat. Had she left her to die here? 

There was an insurmountable gap between where she was standing and where the stairs lead up to the attic, the spires of the church – the only place that hadn’t been touched by the fire yet. This was probably exactly where she wanted her to be. 

No. She wouldn’t let it end like this – she jumped right on through a big patch lick of flames that curled around a bundle of twoleg pelts scattered across the floor – her claws made a clack as she collided with the wood. 

“ _You can’t hide forever!_ ” She screamed out in a hoarse yell. 

Through a mouth of flames that bellowed out of the attic, something lunged out along with the sound of crackling and popping drywall and glass. Liza could gasp if her throat wasn’t burning like it was. 

Their face was trapped in its own skin – Liza was reminded of a what happened to a crow when it got caught in twoleg garbage – a painful mask, probably not helped by the heat that was all around them, cooking them alive. Every step looked like it caused them even more suffering, and that one eye just glared at her in the most hateful way she’d ever seen a cat stare at another. 

“ _Surprise, sister._ ” Her voice was gurgled like she was underwater. Liza was confused – was there sadness in her voice? Why wasn’t she attacking her? 

“A cat like you has no reason to call themselves my family.” Besides – why in the name of Starclan would Maria abandon one of her kits? Did Riverclan steal her like the foxhearts she knew they were? 

_They couldn’t be sisters. They just couldn’t._

The cat just laughed, choked, chuffed laugh. “Do you really think that you’re some _pure-blood_ warrior? You’re the same as me. You’re just too stupid to realize it.” 

Liza tried to lunge for her throat, to shut this cat’s senseless babbling, but she missed and stumbled onto her back like a caught rat. “ _Liar, that’s a lie!_ ” 

She was Skyclan through and through. From the moment she opened her eyes she saw her territory, her clanmates, her life as a noble warrior that would defend her family at the cost of her own life. This cat was just an abandoned loner with nowhere to go, no future because she had spent it chasing revenge. 

“Starseeker told me himself – Starclan told me themselves – He's my father. _Our_ father.” 

_No, no, no, no, no._ She was just trying to get under her skin, wasn’t she? Wasn’t she? Malachi wouldn’t lie, Antstar wouldn’t lie, Maria wouldn’t lie. Her sisters wouldn’t lie. 

“ _Shut up!_ ” Liza caught her sister’s paw in her teeth, trying to bite back a gag as it crunched under the weight of her jaws and as the earsplitting screech hit her ears when she tried to break free. 

“You can try to say that, deny everything, _but it won’t change anything_. The cat that ruined our lives together’s blood is coursing through both of our veins.” Blood poured from their paw and hissed as it hit the white-hot wood. 

Star Seeker’s blood – Liza nearly vomited at the sight of his face in her mind. 

“Then - who’s our mother?” She couldn’t believe that she was the one asking questions, sinking down to her sister’s low. 

“I’d tell you if I knew – but remember, she abandoned you all the same.” Was all her sister said in response. 

She was nothing if she wasn’t Skyclan. Nothing if she wasn’t Maria’s daughter. The pain and fear and realization turned into one last bout of anger – it coursed through her like her damned blood, looking at this reminder of what she _wasn’t._

Like the fire that tore through every inch of this church, she ran at her sister and barreled her over – a flash of burning hot red mixing with the cream and brown paints that once coated this old building’s skin – her sister let out a gargled, gagging yelp as fur was torn and blood droplets flew and hissed until they were nothing but steam in the air. 

But with a kick to the gut and the sharp feeling (did it always hurt when she trained?) of teeth digging into her throat, the writhing ball of limbs and fur and soot rolled into a crack in the wall – maybe a door - but Liza couldn’t see. 

The brown-and-white cat wrenched free from her sister’s grip – but not in one piece. Red coated the raw pink mask that covered her face as it hissed and popped with the heat of the fire, and her paws and belly were soaked through the same. 

Liza’s eyes grew wide – she was trapping her in this hole. Something, maybe a big splinter or something twoleg-made clamped her back leg down like a trap on the neck of a fox. Her claws tore through woodgrain and chips but she couldn’t get free – the look in her sister’s eye as she stared back at her for what would probably be the last time made her stomach turn sour. 

She opened her mouth before her sister left – what would she say? What _could_ she say? Would she be reduced to begging for help from the one person in her life who really, desperately wanted her to just die? 

_“I can’t add you to that list, Angel,”_ She thought of the way those eyes, blue as the river that cut through Skyclan camp would look at her with love and patience – whenever she’d rip a claw out, she’d be there in the medicine den to ramble on about how stupid she was for getting herself hurt like that – when mom died, she could tell that Angel was more worried about her, about how _Liza_ would feel rather than about what _she_ felt. 

_“You were remorseful – you tried to kill me, and you’re still suffering for it.”_


	12. they're growing up before your very eyes

Looking at the far-head, black shape of Angel, Malachi noticed that she and her sister were more alike than most realized – they were both tiger-headed idiots, for one thing. Even he could feel the prickled and twitchy annoyance off of Christie beside him. In her mind, she was probably thinking, “If we come out of this alive, I’m going to kill you.” 

And here they were thinking, Angel was the calm and rational one of this trio – this quad, Malachi had to remind himself. If Liza is here, then the fourth is sure to rear their head soon. 

The thick scent of smoke (did it always smell like this?) clued Malachi in that they had reached twolegplace before his eyes and brain had registered the buildings that clawed at the sky and the twoleg things that were scattered about, abandoned. A mix of nostalgia and dread battling for the top spot in his mind tightened his chest – the church would be here, too. 

It had been so long – three, four years, was it? - that he struggled to envision Missy’s face. It was all replaced by Maria, who in all accounts, could’ve been her sister. His heart panged, reminded that they had both gone. One had left with the church homefolks in tow, perhaps given up all chances of seeing her children again. The other was hunting in Starclan. 

_All in all, he still wanted to believe they were both happy, in a way._

Malachi cursed himself for getting caught up in his wistful memories – Angel and Christie were foxlengths away, and he struggled to see them in this strange new cloud of black-grey fog that teared at his vision. Getting closer to that place, he realized his throat was burning, and that his eyes stung as they struggled to stay open. 

Someone, maybe Angel, let out a scream before he did. The spires that once proudly reached out to the sky, as if they were reaching out to Starclan and were to pluck those very stars from the sky, were chewed through by red flames and thick breaths of smoke like termites through deadwood – the rest was but a blackened skeleton desperately clinging onto the last frayed pieces of its skin. 

He figured who was in there before Angel screamed at him, _“Oh, the stars! She’s trapped in there, isn’t she?”_ She blended in with the colors of the smoke, only blue eyes and the white tail like the flash of lightning that must’ve struck this place coming through. 

He couldn’t see Christie, even with her pale fur. He swallowed back a lump, praying that she hadn’t done the dumb thing and went in after her. 

Malachi resisted the urged to grab her by her scruff when he saw that Angel was clambering over the charred debris outside – she was going to go in, and she wouldn’t let him stop her. His paws felt froze to the ground, even as the waves of heat cooked him.   
“What’re you doing, standing there? We need to save her!” She sounded as if Rosebush had been her mentor, not her sister’s. _“And have all four of us burned alive?”_ He wanted to say back to her, but he knew he didn’t have the venom in his heart to do it. 

Malachi hesitated, stepping over the soot-covered body of a blonde cat that was slumped over on his side – he looked pitifully small, like an apprentice barely out the nursery. Malachi suppressed a gag as he noticed his face and throat were positively sticky with blood, coating every hair. 

Angel was fully out of view, now. His heart sunk – Antstar needed at least one medicine cat, so it would be selfish to go after her – but he’d never forgive himself if Angel, if Angel- 

Christie ran up in front of him, which would’ve given him some respite if it weren’t for the worried expression etched into her usually unreadable face, and the red waves of the fire’s light that danced on her pale pelt. She pushed her paws into his shoulder, and her tail was pointed upwind – Malachi could see two shapes, perched atop where the twolegs stored their trash. 

The scent of water was barely noticeable, mingling with the burning of the smoke and crackling woodgrain.

* * *

The wood felt weak under her paws – this must’ve been only the bottom, but she felt like if she took one wrong step, she’d end up falling under into yawning darkness. She tried to ignore how much the heat waves made her skin feeling like it was screaming in pain, and how her throat felt like it closing in on itself. 

She had a mission to fulfill, a sister to kill – and one to save. 

The stairs, barely holding onto their foundation, rolled out of the attic like a tongue out the mouth of the flames – she thought she saw a blue eye staring at her, beckoning her. There was no doubt she was being tricked, but none of that mattered now – climbing up onto a desk, careful not the slip on the singed twoleg pelt that one must’ve been as pale as her sister’s fur, she felt her muscles tense – ready for the jump. 

Clumps of something waxy and thick-smelling clung to her paws – was this stuff something ritualistic for twolegs? The scent seemed familiar, and yet - 

A pelt, color like the milk her kits drank from, and eyes of a less fierce blue than Maria’s (though they sure were similar in a way). She looked old and tired and just miserable. She turned her head away, ashamed of something. A voice, like claws against stone, made the blood rush to Angel’s head and even threatened to drown out the crackles and huffs and howls of the fire burning around her. 

“They’re yours,” The other voice did not seem proud, saying this as if it was simply matter-of-fact. “They’re yours, you should know.” 

She clung to the half-destroyed railing like a kit to her mother. She didn’t want to let go, a strange feeling somewhat like nostalgia for this place rearing its ugly head into her heart – but she had to move along. 

“Are you trying to make me remember something about myself, sister?” She felt as though the cat in her dreams was right there in front of her, the fire being the hot breath against her face. And then she was. 

Staring down at her, with hate she had never seen in another cat’s eyes before – Liza could, would get angry, but that hate had a certain uncertainness – something like regret behind it. But this cat’s eyes were as if they were pure rage and hate themselves. It chilled the blood in Angel’s veins. 

“ _Surprise, sister.”_ Then Angel felt nothing. Nothing for this cat – she should’ve felt sad for her, maybe, but looking back; this cat was an obstacle, a curse upon Angel. They might’ve been littermates four years ago, but blood meant nothing now. 

“Hello.” Angel said, casual as if they were meeting for the first time. Though they had met in dreams for years and years, now. Her sister snarled, a choked and gagged snarl when the words escaped her lips. 

“You ruined my life.” Angel should’ve known this. This cat she had no recollection of, no feeling for, was angry at her for ‘ruining her life’? Angel should’ve been the angry one, and she’d bet that Liza was angry, too. 

This cat was nothing more than a kit, lashing out at others who didn’t even know them. Sure, maybe she had a hard life (Angel wouldn’t know), but their actions caused more pain – more death than they could possibly know. 

“You’re lonely, aren’t you?” The wild, broken look in her sister’s eyes told her everything. “And then this loneliness grew, and grew, until it became something else – something hateful.” 

“Your own sister, our sister killed Troutpaw – you all are no worse than my mother was, than what I am now,” The brown-and-white cat shifted their haunches to the right, revealing a large hole in the wall that was being chased by the flames that dared to creep inside. Angel’s stomach churned, and her haughty and peaceful façade started to crack. She was probably holding Liza there, until she eventually wouldn’t be able to breathe (or the fire swallowed her up). 

“You, yourself, always thought that about her. About how dangerous and violent she was.” Angel knew that was true – but she had changed. She wasn’t the cat she had been a year ago. But the way her sister talked, it went straight through her heart and it felt as if she was beginning to doubt herself. “Maybe I just think I’ve changed. Maybe Liza still sees me the one who always hated her, the one that wanted to watch the life fade from her eyes as she choked on her own spittle and blood.” 

Maybe that was her sister’s power, given to her by the stars. The power of convincing others of whatever you say, whatever you think they should act or think or feel they would do just that. That just made Angel’s stomach feel disgusted even further. No cat, especially one like her sister, should have an influence like that. 

She was about to climb up further – either to launch herself at Petal or to save her sister she wasn’t sure – but blinding white heat clawed at the left side of her face and left her rolling onto her back down the steps, screaming. She tried to paw at the source in a vain attempt to calm it, but it burned that too instead. 

Probably just to further deepen the wound, Petal began speaking again. “You’ve figured it out,” She guessed, her tail flicking to the rhythm of the flames. “I’m just like our father.” Angel’s vision blurred, and she didn’t know if it was from the burns or her own emotion. 

“What’re you talking about?” Angel responded, voice hoarse with the smoke that was rapidly overtaking her breathing. “How could you possibly know who our father is?” 

Angel already figured it – that Maria wasn’t her blood mother. She could tell, from the uneasy glances Maria and Malachi would exchange when they were in the nursery, to the tenseness she could feel from Malachi whenever they visited twolegplace. She couldn’t care who or what her actual mother was (they could’ve been dead for all she knew). Maria loved her and cared for her as if she had been the one to carry them all and that was what mattered. 

Skyclan was her home, and Maria was her mother. That was what it was when she was a kit and that would be that way until she died. 

“Star Seeker. He’s our father.” Angel heard a whimper, unsure if it was hers or someone else’s. That crumpled, trampled body splattered against the hard stone paths, his muzzle curled into an uncanny death grin. Like he belonged, exactly like that. No wonder she and Malachi always felt strange being here. 

“You’re leaving,” A voice that was both surprised and resigned to this revelation. “Why?” Her broad, pale cream face was creased and weary-looking. 

There was no sympathy in the gaunt tom’s thin eyes. “I have places to be, cats to meet.” His tail swished back and forth, in a way that resembled the way Christie would always swing her tail when she was getting impatient. 

“You mean other mollies.” The pale cream cat hissed, but was careful not the disturb the shivering wet bundles that clung to her belly. Her eyes softened, just a bit as she bent her head down to lick the black one that was mewling loudly. “You should at least get a better look at your kits before you go.” 

Unceremoniously, the tom shoved the molly’s hind leg that was sheltering the kits – they all mewled in unison, as if they already knew how cruel their father would be. His eyes scanned them in a disconnected way, until he spotted one with the same brown-and-white fur as his. 

“None of them are toms,” The pale cream molly’s front paw touched the tom's nose softly. “But one of them looks exactly like you-” She cut herself off, making a choked noise. 

“What’s wrong?” The tom seemed to sense the unease brewing in his mate’s chest. His eyes ghosted his miniature double for a second. 

“See for yourself.” The molly responded curtly. 

With an uncaring touch, the tom flipped the curled shape over onto its back – it had stopped crying. He grunted in disgust, turning his head away as if he was ashamed of what he had born. 

Their face was undeveloped, a pink mass of flesh that held only vague suggestions of where eyes, a nose, and a mouth would be. It was a wonder if they could feed. 

It all came flooding back to Angel like when a thunderstorm would rumble over Skyclan camp and raise the river. The blood was rushing through her ears so fast it could very well rival that same river – she could barely hear what Petal was spitting at her. 

“ _Same as him,_ ” Repeated over and over in her head. Her claws dug into the wood floor, and she didn’t care even as the splinters pricked at her cracked pads and racked her whole body with pain as the blister on her face crackled and popped. With bleary vision, she stared back up at Petal. 

Their expression had changed. It looked almost regretful. Their paws hesitated slightly, as if they were pondering over in their mind whether or not to let Angel die. They were shaking, maybe from the smoke that clogged their lungs. 

Could Petal really change? Angel started to wonder what their lives would be like togther, in Skyclan, or maybe in Riverclan. 

“We aren’t the same as him,” Even though her throat was tight, Angel was screaming. “None of us are! Even if we have the same blood, we don’t have the same heart,” Her voice trailed off as the fire continued to blaze through everything – it was a hair’s length from completely engulfing them all. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, dying here in the place they were born with all her sisters. 

Petal’s eyes grew wide, wobbling a bit – from the heat waves or what – they let out a gargled gasp, shaking heavily as perhaps realization of what exactly they had been doing all their life set in. Then they lunged, claws outstretched. The world felt like it was turning slower in Angel’s eyes, as Petal scrabbled down what was left of the stairs. For a split second, they met each other’s eyes. 

Both completely unreadable to the other. 

A clatter and a clang. Red fur, as red as the fire dashed out in a flash that Angel could barely keep up with – huge paws caught thin flanks, heaving them back – Petal let out another gasp, and looked back at Liza with another unreadable feeling in their eyes. 

Angel tried to yell, “Stop!” but maybe she knew deep down that Petal might’ve been trying to kill her – then she felt her chest cave in as Liza snapped their jaws around Petal’s frail neck – or she might’ve been trying to help her. 

“This is your chance to go home!” Liza cried out to her through a mouthful of fur- Petal stopped struggling. Was she already dead? 

A sight movement in their paws. Angel couldn’t move. She wouldn’t leave both of her sister behind, not like this. 

“I’ll - I’ll be fine.” Angel could tell Liza was just kidding herself. Liza stepped backwards; eyes still focused on her sister. 

“We can go home, together! Quick!” Angel tried to scramble up the steps – but them it crumbled in front of her, creating a huge divide – even all her jump training wouldn’t help her make that far. Her eyes started to sting. 

“ _Malachi didn’t tell you?_ ” Liza’s green eyes were filled with purpose. Angel shook her head. 

“Don’t you know? He doesn’t tell us anything.” She forced herself to laugh. Liza smiled a sad smile. 

“ _Right._ ” She almost disappeared beneath the roaring flames and thick clouds of smoke. “Please, tell Malachi and Henry not to worry anymore, okay?” A thick-sounding laugh. 

Liza was gone, along with Petal. The blood rushed through her ears again. In a frantic state, Angel clawed at the wood, hoping maybe she could build a bridge and climb right up. She didn’t even notice the shrill howls of twoleg monsters and Malachi’s calling. 

“Angel! Liza!” 

The yowl of another cat, “Have you got a hive in your brain? You’ll die if you go in!” It was Reedstar. 

Her heart felt as if it had stopped. Liza was trying to die, she realized. She was dying for her, so she could live. 

Maybe that was the meaning of Starclan’s message, “To take life, one must give.” 

Her paws felt heavy – the stars were shining through the destroyed roof, brighter than they had ever been. She had to hurry. She couldn’t disappoint her sister, could she?

* * *

Petal’s vision was growing blearier and blearier. Her throat was so tight, it felt like it was set on fire itself. She looked back at the cat holding her down. They struggled to breathe, with every intake their chest puffed up as much as it could go, and they coughed constantly. 

She couldn’t move – she didn’t want to move. 

The smoke bleared her vision, and the red fire surrounding both of them started to look more and more like the bright sun shining down on them. And the smoke itself smelled more like the long, perfumy grass and flowers of her Riverclan home. 

And, more and more – the cat she thought she hated, hated to her very core – her sister who had left her to rot, the cat who was holding her down, intent on having them die together, she started to look like family. Her red fur looked less like the burning, swallowing fire and more like something soft that she could stick her face in if she was feeling sad, those green eyes were filled with love. 

She realized her blood- and ash-coated flanks no longer stung with throbbing pains. 

“We’re going to die here, aren’t we?” The words coming out of Petal’s mouth felt unreal. Dying. Not with Troutpaw, but with her sister she thought for so long had hated her as much as she did the same with her. 

Liza said nothing, just looked at her with those big green eyes. They weren’t filled with fear like she thought her eyes must have been. They were filled with meaning, and purpose. 

“Please, tell me I’ll be okay.” Her voice came out in a chuffing gag, but she couldn’t feel the smoke filling her lungs. Her body was as light as air, “Do you feel the same way, sister?” She asked herself. 

Liza’s face changed. Eyes once filled with meaning grew into pools of unimaginable sadness. Petal couldn’t believe it – the cat who killed Troutpaw with must’ve been uncaring and rage was sad for her. Maybe she was always sad for her. 

“Don’t worry – you're not going to die – we’re back in Skyclan, don’t you remember?” Petal raked her memories for what Skyclan looked like. The red clay cliffs and the earthy smell – it looked like home to her. Riverclan wasn’t home anymore, she realized, because Riverclan was the place that had ruined her. 

She pushed back the memory of the pale body, lifeblood rushing out of her neck until it formed a pool beneath them all. She pushed back the memory of her father’s smiling face she he commanded Troutpaw to throw them into the twoleg garbage. 

Liza must’ve been so, so mad at her for killing her mother. Petal broke down, crying – she killed that cat because she was jealous, didn’t she? Because her sisters had what she lacked. 

She could’ve been accepted into that life, if she hadn’t been so careless, so vengeful. But here her sisters were, feeling sorry for her – wanting to give her a painless death. 

“It’s so beautiful.” Petal finally spoke, relishing in the memories of Skyclan. Playing with her sisters, with that cat she killed (she realized she never even learned her name), looking at them with bemused love. 

“Let’s stay here for a bit, okay?” Liza put her paw on Petal’s shoulder, and lapped at her neck in a show of affection. Petal could feel her vision straining at the edges, feeling as if she wasn’t even here. 

Maybe she’d meet Troutpaw at the gathering, maybe they’d fall in love like they did before. Sagewhisper and Carpshine would finally be happy. Her father would be long dead and everyone could live a nice life. 

Before it all faded, before the smoke filled her lungs, up, up and she couldn’t breathe anymore, before she felt Liza let out a harrowing gag and still beside her – she saw Sagewhisper. 

She was filled with joy for the first time in her life – she realized, Sagewhisper was just like her. For better, or for worse. They had both suffered, had lost so much. 

_“I’m here, Petalkit.”_

* * *

Angel’s vision was bleary and unfocused, and the side of her face felt cold and stiff – the sting of the celandine-and-comfrey poultice was the only thing that reminded her she was alive. 

The first thing that filled her ears was the buzz of unfamiliar voices. The first thing she smelled was the tang of unfamiliar herbs and the earthiness of mud and reeds. She didn’t know if she was mad or not, to be here in Riverclan. She tried to raise her head to see a bit clearer, but maybe the pain or maybe a paw was holding her down. 

“Don’t move.” She recognized the curt one speaking – Branchstep. She was happy there was at least one cat she knew, looking over her. 

“You better listen to her,” A high-pitched one. It must’ve been the apprentice. “Cause trust me,” They were cut off by a snort from Branchstep. It was too loud to be anything less than a, “shut up if you know what’s good for you” kind of noise. 

Angel thought she’d just lay there and die, maybe, until she heard shuffling from outside the medicine den. She strained her eye, feeling like one side of her face was blacked out – hopefully from the poultice. 

She heard him before she saw him, “Can I come in? – it'll be just a peek and I’ll be out of your fur.” Malachi. Her heart got a pang of mirth for the first time in what seemed like moons and moons and moons. 

In the blending-together darkness, she could see Branchstep nod, and the apprentice next to her shuffle a bit, awkward on their paws in front of these what must have been unfamiliar cats. 

“Malachi,” She said, more like choking it out as her mentor’s round, cream face filled her bleary vision. “Glad you could make it.” She tried to laugh, but her throat and her lungs still felt like they were on fire. 

“Should I get some poppy seed for her? And maybe some tansy too for her throat? I mean, she was in a fire, after all!” The apprentice went on and on in the background. She realized; she was the only one in the den being treated. It was crowded even then. 

“Malachi, where’s Liza?” It came back to her when she saw Malachi’s relieved face turn into a frown – he looked like Maria, with the way his entire face seemed to be heavy for him, like it threatened to slip off. 

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, and the tight walls of this medicine den started to feel like the cramped, soot-covered wall of that damn church. She could swear she could see the red fill her vision. 

Henry busted in right after him – she couldn’t see him, but she heard his panicked voice. “She’s alright, isn’t she?” He stared into Malachi’s eyes, even as the cat tried to look away from him. 

Malachi clamped shut under the stress. Like he always did. 

“I heard there was a fire in twolegplace – those Skyclan cats chased right after Petalkit and killed her.” A Riverclan cat gossiped outside, far too close to the entrance, like they wanted them all to hear. 

Angel heard Henry suppress a growl at the other cat’s careless snooping into things they knew nothing about. She tried to smile at him as he draped a paw over her shoulder to comfort her, but it felt fake. 

The apprentice had come back with the herbs – their broad, flat face was split with a dopey smile – but Angel thought they looked kind enough. “Just relax,” They mumbled through their mouthful, and their eyes caught each other. They were big and filled with love, just like Liza’s were, and it made Angel’s chest tighten with grief. 

“Just to see those eyes again,” She remembered when she was off from medicine cat apprentice duty, and she’d come and visit her in the apprentice’s den. When they’d try to make up new ways every day, to make each other smile. “Would make the happiest I’ve ever been.” 

“Chew and swallow them, and by sunrise you should be able to go back to Skyclan.” Then the cat must’ve realized Angel was staring right into their eyes. “Are you the Skyclan medicine cat?” Their voice was filled with kit-like excitement. 

“Only the apprentice,” Angel smiled a real smile, back at them. “So, what’s your name?” 

“Toadcroak.” Angel liked the sound of it – she repeated it in her mind. She’d have to remember it. Maybe they’d meet again someday. “I really hope I can become a full medicine cat!” 

Angel couldn’t exactly say she shared the same sentiment – she looked back at Malachi, who was still wearing that heavy face of his as he stared blankly off into the outside of the medicine den. 

“I’m not dead yet.” Branchstep retorted, giving the apprentice a playful cuff on the ears. It reminded Angel of how Maria used to give Liza a little cuff anytime she ran her mouth off a bit too much. 

“I didn’t say you were going to!” The voices of the two mollies trailed off as they argued with one another. To say it was world away from Malachi and Angel’s relationship often was, was nothing short of an understatement. 

There was always a sort of – nervous distance between them – like one was afraid of getting close to the other. 

When both of the medicine cats were out of earshot, Henry opened his mouth as if to say something to Malachi, but then just as quickly closed it. Angel could guess he was going to ask something about Liza. 

“She died in the fire, Henry,” Angel wished she had just given Henry some peace by not telling him, but the words spilled out of her mouth anyway. “But - the weird thing is – she seemed at peace. Like that was the one moment of her life that she knew exactly what to do, what to feel.” 

Henry’s face was frozen. Unreadable. He let out a cough, like he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. Angel agreed for both of their sakes. 

Then it became quiet, except for the rustling of reeds in the faint breeze and the chattering of young apprentices and warriors, curious about the Skyclan smell that seemed to suddenly invade their home. 

“I hope Toadcroak is taking good enough care of you.” A gruff voice came from the new visitor – Angel thought she might’ve recognized him from one of the gatherings – his grey-blue pelt caught the sunlight. 

“She is,” Angel liked her well enough – besides, she probably did her job more than Angel ever did. “Are you her father?” 

The blue-grey tom nodded. “Yup. Name’s Pikejaw. I heard you’re the medicine cat?” As Angel continued their small-talk, she noticed Henry’s fur was bristling a bit, and his eyes looked all around nervously, unsure of what thing or cat to settle on – maybe he was just nervous with all the visitors interrupting his time with Angel, or maybe he had met this cat in battle before Antstar was Antstar. 

“Give them some space, will you?” Branchstep hissed, hiding somewhere Angel couldn’t see, and Pikejaw ran off with a bemused expression. 

Angel tried to shut her eyes and get some sleep, before some other cat eventually came and disturbed that thought. Seeing that blonde fur, she nearly froze – was he back? 

Then she saw that his eyes were different, if the blonde cat that was with Petal had those kitten-like eyes, then this cat’s eyes were miserable and sad looking. The grey that covered this cat’s muzzle reminded her of Henry. He smiled an awkward smile at her, and Angel didn’t know exactly what to feel. 

“Shimmerspot,” Branchstep tried to stop him from coming in, but then they exchanged knowing glances. The blonde tom poked his head into the medicine den. 

“Are you angry that my sister killed your son?” Angel remembered hearing about this tom from Malachi – he had gone over to Riverclan to investigate when Troutpaw had been murdered, but he said Shimmerspot had told him to leave (Angel figured it was probably not out of malice). 

Shimmerspot’s face was unreadable, the sadness replaced by something else – then he just chuckled, smiling at Angel again. “There’s nothing left to be angry about in this old heart. Dead is dead – I'm just happy I got to spend the time with him when he was here.” 

“That's right, isn’t it? Us old toms just have to move on.” Henry spoke up, letting out a little mrrow of laughter, too. Shimmerspot and Henry met each other’s eyes, and it was as if everyone there and even the stars knew right there, that they understood each other. 

They exchanged small talk, reminiscing about their younger days. Then the subject of Shimmerspot’s brother was brought up. 

“How could I forget him? Y’know, Troutpaw looked just like him – a little fatter, though.” Shimmerspot made a circular motion in the air with his paw. 

“James?” That word that came out of Henry’s mouth made Angel’s blood chill – that name, it seemed familiar even though she knew she had never heard it before. 

“Yup. Wortpaw was his warrior name,” Shimmerspot’s pale green eyes were misted over with a mix of nostalgia and grief. “I can swear, I still feel him watching me sometimes. I hope Troutpaw is treating him nice in Starclan.” 

Henry turned to Angel with a strange look in his eyes. “You know, Maria really loved him – she even ran from Antstar and I just to be with him.” 

Her mother’s love – was James. 

“She helped me bury him – I can remember the exact thing she said to me when we were finished,” Shimmerspot’s voice was thick. “ ‘I’ll never love another cat as much as I loved your brother. I can only wish Starclan would’ve granted me his kits – thank you for everything. It was nice to know you, maybe I’ll see you next moon.’ ” 

It seemed Starclan did grant Maria his kits – the way Shimmerspot talked about his ambition, his humor, the way he wouldn’t follow anybody’s rules but his own – it was like Liza was his daughter. 

Imagining this handsome blonde cat, with big green eyes and a permanent smile – she wished he could’ve been her father instead of Star Seeker. 

“The thing is, – the way he lived his life, it was as if his injury didn’t exist. I can only say, is that I want to believe he was truly happy, with your mother.” Shimmerspot was talking directly to Angel, now. 

“I think he was – my mother must’ve been happy with him, too.” All the weight that was carried on Shimmerspot’s shoulders seemed to have melted away – even with the bags under his eyes and the grey around his muzzle, he looked like the happy young warrior he must’ve been long ago. 

“And now I am truly happy, being here with you all. Being here with Reedstar.” Henry and Shimmerspot touched each other’s shoulders with their noses. 

“Promise me, we’ll talk some more, okay?” Henry whispered, and all his age seemed to wash away, too.

* * *

Angel woke with a paw in her side, and the scent of fresh, tangy herbs mixing with the stale scents of the medicine den that had become familiar to her. 

“I think it’s time to go.” Angel used to hate that Riverclan scent, but now she found it – almost comforting. 

“Was it because her sister used to live here?” Angel wondered, taking in the early-sunrise sights of the Riverclan camp. Even the dampness under her paws seemed to no longer disgust her. 

Toadcroak seemed awkward around her – a strange feeling welled up in Angel’s heart, looking at the way this molly’s large amber eyes would dart around, not sure whether to look Angel in the eyes or not. 

“Do you want a tour around camp?” Angel’s heart skipped a beat, and she nearly choked – she mistook this gesture for something more than simple friendly manners – the blood rushed into her ears like the river churning beside them. 

“No, no thanks.” 

The look in the other molly’s eyes seemed almost hurt, but they still smiled anyway. “Well, I’m just glad I was able to talk to you,” those amber eyes became sparks of fire, but this time the image of fire in Angel’s mind became almost welcoming. “Branchstep is nice and all, but she can get on your nerves!” 

“But she’s kind, isn’t she?” Mud slicked up against Angel’s paws and she didn’t even notice, too interested in this conversation she guessed. The elder’s den smelled of old moss and dried up fish bones – Henry’s figure was curled right up against Shimmerspot, who for all intents and purposes dwarfed him, snoring as loudly as he did in his own camp – he seemed happy. 

“Yes, she really is,” Toadcroak’s eyes misted over, as if looking into something in the past – Angel noticed, flicking her tail over the other molly’s thin shoulders. “She cared, even when Minnowstar didn’t.” 

“That’s her crime to bear, isn’t it?” Angel mused. 

That crazed old tom’s frozen face, pale as death, crossed Angel’s mind. Even as he was preparing to hunt in Starclan, his lips were curled into a snarl, like that was all he’d ever be. To think all the other Riverclan cats, even those from other clans – had once looked up to him as a noble leader. 

“There’s lots of kittypets in your clan, right?” The blood buzzed in Angel’s ears – if Toadcroak were any other cat, or if Angel was Liza – Toadcroak would nursing a couple new scars for daring to associate Skyclan with such a term. 

“Why do you ask?” Angel pried, a hint of indignation hitching in her tone. Her tail flicked – Malachi used to say her and her sisters shared the same tic when they were upset or annoyed. 

“It’s just that,” Toadcroak’s voice grew thick, and she waved her paw around loosely in the air as if to pry the words she wanted out of it. “Branchstep and I had saved a kittypet – she didn’t make it, but I felt as if I had a promise to keep with her,” Angel could laugh at how this molly could go on and on when she was nerved. Just like Malachi. 

“Do you know a cat named Bandit?” The molly finally said. The air grew quiet, and the tension and awkwardness felt so thick as if it buzzed around their ears like a hive. 

“I knew him, yes,” Angel’s heart panged, remembering just how – broken the tom had always seemed. He connected with Toast in that special way as well, didn’t he? 

“But he left the clan. I guess he just didn’t take to the warrior lifestyle.” Angel continued. Toadcroak let out a little huff. 

“Don’t you know where he is?” She sounded almost angry with Angel, for depriving her of her chance to fulfill her promise to her old friend. 

Angel didn’t say anything – she kept on walking, but looking back to see if Toadcroak would follow. Toadcroak’s paws hesitated, before breaking out into a sprint to catch up with her. “Didn’t you ever try looking?” It came out like a kit whining at their mother. 

Splattered blood and fur caught in brambles, a muffled and gurgled cry which no one would hear. Angel wouldn’t, no, couldn’t believe Liza had killed them. She was angry at the both of them, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

She knew Liza was kind. That last look in those green eyes of fire told her she was the most merciful cat in the world – she had given up her life so there could be peace – so mom’s death wouldn’t be in vain and Skyclan and Riverclan would find peace together. 

Maybe they just decided that Skyclan wasn’t a home. Maybe they had left to become kittypets again. 

“I’m going to try, when I get back.” Angel smiled mirthfully at Toadcroak – the molly responded with a giggle. 

“Make sure you do!” It was playful. Angel felt her chest tighten at this molly’s every word, she began to realize. 

“Medicine cats can’t fall in love,” Angel reminded herself. The scent of perfumy reeds mixed with freshwater and algae drifting downwind that stuck in Angel's nostrils told her the dawn patrol was coming their way. The creaking of the halfbridge under her weight made her stomach churn, like that thing that overtook her that day was threatening to come again. 

There was a familiar face leading the charge – a dilute tortie with a pointed face and mean eyes. Angel had to remind herself not to hold onto any past grudges – even though she could guess what all the Riverclan cats were thinking as they saw her with Toadcroak. 

“Ashfall,” Toadcroak dipped her head in respect before Angel could even open her mouth. “She’s all healed, now.” Ashfall just squinted her hazel eyes in Angel’s direction. Angel tried to gulp down a snarl. 

“It seems that fire didn’t treat you kindly, medicine cat.” A mottled brown-and-black molly, much like Toadcroak herself, seemed to have a much more sympathetic light in both tone and expression. 

Angel had managed to stamp that feeling down, but – the side of her face felt frozen when she woke up, and it still felt like an entire part of her was dead. Her vision was still bleary and unfocused. 

She caught herself in the water’s reflection. She wished that cat had just kept their mouth shut. The left half of her face was covered in an angry looking mass of bubbling, scarred tissue, with her black fur struggling to grow around it like a patch of grass that had been blazed by lightning. 

“Sister, is this your way of taking revenge?” Her last action in death, to scar her sister the same way she had been scarred since her birth. It was kind of poetic, in a way. 

Henry and Malachi were hiking up the hills behind them. She wondered why they never told her about it – maybe to protect her? 

“It doesn’t matter what she looks like – so long as she’s still here, right?” She could barely hear Toadcroak and the other cats over the blood rushing to her head and making her feel lightheaded and buzzing. 

Angel could've laughed if she didn’t feel so messed up, seeing Malachi and Henry struggle to catch their breath as they flanked the two medicine cat apprentices. They were chatting about something inconsequential in between their huffing and puffing. 

The tension cut through the air as soon as the Riverclan cats noticed their presence. Angel could practically hear the warning cries and the sick sounds of claws through flesh. The sound of blood hissing in steam and fire followed it. 

But there was nothing. No screaming, no fighting. No stinging flames, no dead sisters. Angel laughed bitterly at herself, “You’re going to end up just like your grandmother if you keep thinking like this.” She thought of miserable old Carpshine, who probably didn’t get peace until Liza had thrown her into the river and ended that sad existence of hers. 

Antstar and Reedstar both slinked out of the water plants that flanked each side of the border across the halfbridge. They both seemed to stare in each other’s eyes so intently, like the mongoose and the snake trapped in an eternal clash. The Riverclan cat’s stench of anxiousness filled Angel’s senses and reminded her that she was living right here, right now. 

They both bobbed forward, as if to lunge – but then Antstar just simply walked over the border slowly to meet the other tom – Angel realized they both looked young, probably the same age. Antstar dipped his head in respect, inviting Reedstar to touch his nose against the others. 

They probably would’ve been good friends, if their lives hadn’t been so different. A path that looked like it would lead into two different camps, but converged at the same point. Reedstar hesitated, and it seemed like all the Riverclan cats feared that Reedstar would use this opportunity to strike – but the young leader instead pressed his nose to the other tom’s forehead. 

“I am glad that your clan has the opportunity to have such a great leader.” In any other time but now, Antstar’s words would’ve been read as sarcasm, but Reedstar did seem different. A good kind of different. Like he had learned a lot. 

“Same to you.” Reedstar whispered back, awkward and unsure seeming. 

Everyone was different now. A lot had changed in the last four years. Angel looked around at her clanmates and those of Reedstar’s, seeing faces grown a bit wearier, a bit older. 

“May the stars light your path.” Both leaders called to the other, as they led their clanmates across their borders. Angel saw Malachi’s face grimace at those words, the way he’d grimace whenever some cat would mention Maria’s name. 

She looked back, and saw Toadcroak smiling back at her. Angel gave her a smile back. “And may the sun warm your back and the fish leap into your paws!” Toadcroak called to her, before Branchstep dragged her by her scruff backwards. 

She may not have had much left, but Angel felt truly happy in that moment.

* * *

“It’s me, Malachi.” He called into the yawning starlight and darkness surrounding him. Many cats whose bodies had become mist like and unreal walked past him, like he was not there at all. He didn’t recognize any of them. 

A tom whose form barely clung to the nothingness around them looked Malachi square in the eyes for a mere heatbeat, but it felt like an entire sunrise. He looked familiar – his ginger fur that barely shone through reminded him of Antstar. 

Malachi’s mouth feels dry. He doesn’t know why he bothered – they'd come to him when they wanted to. He was just about to turn around, and will himself back into his body, when he felt like he had been held up by something. He gulped, his throat sore. 

The blonde tom nodded at him like they had known each other. They didn’t. His emerald green eyes pierced Malachi’s in an odd way, and his scent, of both Riverclan and of housefolk and cut grass, and a mixture of Maria’s made Malachi’s head spin. 

“Are you James?” This had to be him. The tom did not nod, did not make a noise, but just simply smiled. 

“You can call me Wortwhisker, if you want,” Malachi noticed the tom’s back legs were trailing behind him lamely. Just like Maria had described. “That’s what my brother would've wanted me to be called.” 

“Shimmerspot,” Malachi mouthed. James, Wortwhisker, whoever was not exactly who he wanted to talk to here – but it was a nice feeling to finally see this legend of a tom. 

“Is Maria with you? I just would like to talk with her.” The tom smiled again – the blood rushed to Malachi’s ears. It felt like he was being a bit patronizing with all the teeth showing. 

“Does it look like I’m the leader around here?” James’ tone was playfully flippant. “I know you know her, so there’s no need to be so formal.” The way these Starclan cats always seemed to have this otherworldly knowledge of everything gave Malachi knots in his throat. 

The two toms both walked in awkward silence together across Starclan’s plains. Malachi wanted to ask James about his life, but he just couldn’t find the words or the right opportunity. 

Maria had spotted them before they had her – Malachi felt a rush of both grief and joy wash over him seeing those icy blue eyes full of mirth again for the first time in moons. Her pelt bobbed up and down as if she was alive and breathing before them. 

“I can sense everything’s good now,” Maria’s tail brushed up against Malachi’s cheek, making his nose twitch. “You don’t look as tired anymore.” 

“It is, it is.” The words felt a bit hollow, coming out of Malachi’s mouth. Everything was different for sure, but he couldn’t tell if it was something he could exactly call good. 

“I don’t know, he looks kind of sad to me.” James replied, lazily licking his mate’s neck fur as he sprawled out against the stars. Malachi just snorted. Maria laughed – and Malachi realized just how much he had missed that sound. 

He looked over his shoulder, to see if maybe Liza was going to join them – disappointment was inevitable as he didn’t see a hair of that alder bark fur or those bright green eyes (they looked a lot like James’, he noticed). 

Maria’s expression swayed. She must’ve guessed what Malachi was so nerved about. “She’ll come ‘round soon. Talking with some cat I’ve never seen before – black and white coat, kind of old.” 

“As if we’re not old!” James howled, cuffing Maria’s shoulder playfully with his front paws. She purred out a mrrow of laughter at the gesture. 

Malachi recognized that cat Liza was talking to almost instantly – Carpshine. Branchstep had told him about her during their Riverclan visit. She was Star Seeker’s mother – and as Branchstep had also told him, the four’s grandmother. 

“A family reunion.” Malachi said to himself. “One as screwy as a bramble bush, I might add.” 

“Cursed blood,” The phrase Branchstep had uttered crept into his mind. “Carpshine always said her womb was cursed – maybe she was right.” 

A son who nearly destroyed Riverclan and Skyclan and probably wouldn’t have stopped at that, a daughter who was murdered, and four grandkits who’ve lived very, very strange lives. 

“Are you going to go see her?” Maria stopped him before he even noticed he was walking away. Malachi looked back, and nodded. 

“It was nice to get to know you,” James added. 

“One thing before you go,” Maria’s eyes looked misty. “Please tell my daughters I always loved them, as if they were my own. No blood is ever going to change the heart.” 

Maria’s voice faded away as Malachi bounded over the expanse of stars – he didn’t even know where to begin, where to look. He was just going to run until he spotted her. Wraithlike cats ghosted his pelt and some even craned their necks to look back at him, but he didn’t return their stares. 

The two mollies were locked in conversation when he finally came across them – Liza immediately whipped around with a croaking cry of “Malachi!” Then as she buried her muzzle deep into his shoulder, she looked up at him with dark eyes – she pulled away as if he had stung her. 

“Are you angry at me? Were you angry at me?” It spilled out of the molly’s mouth. Malachi didn’t meet her eyes – was he? He knew he was always scared of her; it was true even though he didn’t want to admit it. And she always seemed to know when people were lying to try to get on her good side. 

“I’m angry at the fact you had to – die.” Malachi was telling the truth. Liza’s eyes burned with a strange light at those words. 

“You make me feel ashamed to be dead.” She laughed a mirthless laugh. “I know now you never hated me – Angel never hated me – but it still feels weird to remember all the times you flinched, looked scared.” 

Malachi swallowed a lump growing in his throat. He felt Carpshine’s green eyes boring into him this entire time. 

“I wish Sagewhisper were here - I bet she’d like you, Liza,” The old molly’s voice sounded distant and muffled, like she was still drowning even here. “You remind me so much of her.” She choked back a sob. 

“Are you saying you wish I was your daughter?” Liza was talking to this cat she had murdered as if they were old friends. It was odd to say the least. “Because I am happy with Maria.” 

“At least I was not comparing you to my son,” Carpshine’s voice grew thick. “I used to think of you as my daughter’s killer – I believed Minnowstar’s lies – but now I realize you are nothing like him. His blood flows through you, but your heart is your own.” 

Liza was happy here – Malachi saw – maybe happier here than she ever was living. Angel had said as much, “she looked at peace”. 

“Hey.” Liza’s tail brushed Malachi’s shoulder. “Tell Angel I'm sorry – for me.”

* * *

The mist here looked like smoke – the thought of it made Angel want to gag. This was not the church, Skyclan, or even Starclan – she knew that much. 

She could barely breathe, but at least she was able to move unlike all of her dreams – but if felt as if that didn’t matter, like she was going nowhere despite how fast she was running. 

“Mother! Liza! Christie!” She called out but no one answered. She skidded to a stop, her vision’s edges being licked by red and a strong force felt like it was tightening around her throat – she thought she heard someone calling out to her, but she didn’t dare answer it. 

Was this the Place of No Stars? The thought of being trapped here made her chest churn with a sick feeling – she slumped over onto her side, that same strong force threatening to snuff her out completely. 

Then there was an ambiguous shape in front of her - like the grey claws of smoke and mist – Angel felt her blood chill, thinking these were the Place of No Stars residents, coming to take her away. Her claws raked through mud and blood and ash that had pooled underneath her belly. 

“There’s no need to be afraid,” A voice like being underwater, drowning, spoke to her. “I remember you.” 

The cryptic response made Angel’s blood run ever colder – she tried to scramble away but that force holding her down and the muck that clung to her everything stamped down her attempts – then she felt a paw caress her cheek. 

“Mom?” She wanted to laugh at herself for sounding so pitiful. The whatever was speaking to her made a noise somewhere between a purr and a whimper. 

The ambiguous shape twisted and swirled around like soot through burning waves of fire until it resembled a cat – their white coat was mottled with black stripes like a snake slithered on their body, their green eyes stared at her blankly like a fish would, and they constantly picked and prodded at their face – which dripped blood from some unknown wound. 

“We’re nowhere, if you’re wondering. The nowhere between the Place of No Stars and Starclan.” Their body seemed to shift in and out of existence. 

“Do I know you?” Angel’s dreams were always of someone she had met – or was yet to meet – but if they were here, then this cat must have died. Angel’s blood still didn’t warm, looking into this cat’s blank eyes. 

“Sagewhisper. No, you don’t know me. But I have watched you as a ghost,” She felt as if this cat was toying with her – her blood started to boil over. She gulped back a snarl, before realizing just how sad this cat’s eyes looked. 

“And I’ve ruined your life, haven’t I?” Angel felt Sagewhisper’s hot breath on her face, like they were still alive. She tried to look away, but this cat’s gaze kept pulling her back in. 

It reminded her of Petal. 

“If you’ve got something to tell me, just say it.” Angel spat out like an apprentice arguing with their mentor. Sagewhisper’s dark expression did not change. 

“It was my fault your mother is dead, your sister is dead – I am sorry.” As the words escaped Sagewhisper’s mouth, the unseen wound’s blood flowed faster, covering their eyes. “I was a selfish mother.” 

“I’m - sure that’s not true.” Angel didn’t know why she was trying to comfort her. The blood dripped down onto her face, making her want to gag. 

“It is,” The cat’s face was entirely covered in blood – it flowed down their paws and all over Angel. “You should not forgive me – I do not deserve it.” 

Then the scenes were scarred into Angel’s mind, like she was watching it in third person. A young tom’s head bashed into the rocks until it was nothing more than red gore that stuck to Sagewhisper’s paws – she cleaned and cleaned but it would not come off. Petal let out an ear-piercing scream. 

Next, Petal and that blonde tom were stalking the riverbed – Sagewhisper lay as if she was already dead, begging for forgiveness from Starclan – they never heard her. Her head was bashed, the same as she had done to the tom. Petal ran and ran, caked head to toe in blood. 

Sagewhisper chased him down here like he was nothing more than prey to kill for her clan – the brother that she had once loved more than her own mother. His words pierced her through and through, but as she stood above his lifeless body, she felt nothing. 

Angel understood. She knew she was looking into the eyes of a murderer, but as she wrapped her neck around the thin molly’s shoulders, she felt as if she was embracing dear family – Sagewhisper shook, unable to hold back the tears she had spent so long bottling up into rage. 

“Why?” Was all Sagewhisper asked. 

“Because,” Angel pulled away, smiling, not caring about the blood that now soaked her fur through. _“You’re like my sister.”_

* * *

Waking up next to Malachi’s still body, Angel felt the warm rays of the sun creeping in through the mouth of the medicine den. 

Moons had passed since she had met Sagewhisper. That molly still walked through her dreams, but along with her was everyone else – Liza, Maria, James, Carpshine. Their names felt like honey to her tongue. 

The memories of the fire faded into nothing more than a billow of smoke every now and then. “It’s good to see you making progress.” Malachi would always say – sometimes she felt like she hadn’t, other times it felt like she did. 

Christie had promised her that she’d be meeting Citruswhisker and Catalpahush’s kits this sundown – the grudge she had against them as her sister’s apprenticehood bullies had waned just a bit. 

Flowerstem had taught her tail language for Christie – it was a bit rough around the edges, and it could get confusing – but at least they could talk in a sure way. They had to, after all, it was kind of just them now. 

They had thrown away their old identities too, as Star Seeker’s kits. Antstar had given them proper warrior names – something that Liza probably would’ve loved to have – Rabbitstep and Rookshriek. It was hard getting used to hearing those words off of their clanmates tongues, but it felt right in a way. 

Rabbitstep was right outside, probably haven fallen asleep waiting for her. Angel licked her sister’s folded ear with her tongue, and the molly let out an indignant noise. 

Three quick flips of her tail, held straight up, “What?”. 

“Your promise, remember?” Rookshriek said playfully. 

A swipe of the tail to the right, “Right.” Rookshriek hoisted her sister up by the scruff of her neck. 

Rabbitleap led her to the nursery – those days of being right by Maria’s side, playing together felt like they were foxlengths and foxlengths away by now – the smell still stuck into the back of Rookshriek’s mind like a thorn. 

Citruswhisker was curled onto one side, half-asleep. Catalpahush was fully asleep beside her. 

“Can we come in?” Rookshriek tried her best to both whisper and be loud enough so that Citruswhisker could hear – a groan told her she was successful. 

Careful not to step on the queen, Rookshriek craned her head over Citruswhisker’s swollen belly. Malachi had said she was doing well – but her attitude surely was faring worse. 

“What’re their names?” She said softly, ghosting her paw over the writhing shapes that crawled up against their mother. 

“The black and orange tom is Spitkit, the white molly is Softkit, and the orange and white molly is Shiverkit.” With a thump, Citruswhisker laid her head down as they let out a weak moan. Rookshriek and Rabbitstep knew not to bug her any further than they already had. 

“It’s good to see new kits,” Rookshriek traced circles in the dust, imagining what her blood mother must’ve felt when she had her and her sister. She looked over at Rabbitstep, who was looking blankly off into the northwest direction – Riverclan camp. 

She thought of Toadcroak – she tried to stamp down those silly warm feelings – she had heard last gathering that Reedstar and Branchstep were proposing an addition to the warrior code that medicine cats would be allowed to take mates. 

Jealousy wormed its ugly head through her heart, as she imagined if Toadcroak had taken a mate already. “You have a family already, don’t you?” 

She thought of Toadcroak’s promise, too. To find Bandit, to find Toast – if she could even see them again, what would she say? What would they say? 

“Well, Liza’s dead for starters.” She mused. 

Rabbitleap’s tail beat against the ground, “What’s eating you?” 

“It’s about Bandit, and Toast, and Toadcroak.” Rabbitleap gave her a withering look – maybe she had sensed Rookshriek’s kitten love back then all the way across the Skyclan border. “I made a promise, you see.” 

Rabbitleap’s tail curled over itself, “I’m bored.” That must’ve been her invitation to go for a walk. Rookshriek got up onto her paws and started running, daring her sister to catch up with her. 

The dust that she kicked up under her paws no longer reminded her of soot or of ash, it felt freeing now – she didn’t need to look back to see Rabbitleap behind her. She was heading northeast – her subconcious must’ve been leading her to twolegplace. 

It would be good to see Bandit and Toast again, if she could find them. 

Rabbitleap caught Rookshriek’s flanks – the two cats let out joyful yelps, feeling like kits again. 

“Sagewhisper, Maria, Liza, if you’re watching me,” Rookshriek panted, her head raised to the stars like when she’d look up there with Maria, searching for James. _“Just know – that I am happy.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') the end. i am free, truly. hopefully it doesn't feel rushed.
> 
> sagewhisper, liza, shimmerspot and reedstar are probably some of the favorite characters that i've written so far. i'd explore their backstories fuller but i just don't feel like writing another 60k+ kitty kat fanfic ever again ya know?


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